How to love the unloved child

In the few who are themselves recognized.


Any sane mother would rather give to cut off his hand than will openly say that one child she loves more than a second, or even the baby does not like.





But the problem is - and psychologists are well aware.


The reasons for this dislike can be very different: the child resembles the mother unpleasant to her man, the kid is too noticeable features of the appearance and nature of the dropout father, he categorically different temperament, unacceptable for a mother manners and style of communication...




In the end - and medicine knows these facts - the woman may just "not work" maternal instinct: from too difficult childbirth, severe psychological trauma, children's complexes.




And most moms who got into such trouble, try as they can compensate for the lack of love in high care, special care, expensive toys and other external manifestations of parental love.




No, in any case, attention is not a symptom dislike.



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But sometimes it becomes a consequence. The trick is that the attention and care love can't replace in any way.



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Psychologists say that if there is no love, all other resources will be for education useless.If love is, limited resources will be negligible factor in the way of personality.




Therefore, the way out of this difficult situation can be only one: to understand the cause of his dislike and learn how to really love your child.



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The first is to understand the dislike of the child does not depends on the child.



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Various excuses like




"Yes he is so harmful that and love him not for what"


- "how can you love this clever and ungrateful creature,"


- "this is a monster no one will be able to love"




- nothing but psychological tricks that finds its mother.



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And really: how can I admit that I simply don't like?



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Often dislike is a consequence of the internal claims of the parents that the child cannot meet.



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This can be a mismatch between parental perceptions of good boy or good girl, my mother's embarrassment, his appearance, his diagnosis, or, for example, the collision of his hyperactivity and parental depression in childhood is a strong mother, grandmother, father (there and resentment against their parents, and the envy of your child, and incomplete understanding of what is to be active, agile, curious - is the nature of the child's the most that neither is nature, and not a negative quality) and a variety of other reasons.




Find the claim that you child present.



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Write down on a piece of paper a list of those features that prevent you from loving your karapuzik. You still will not have time to write as notice that all of the above quality - nonsense compared with how much, how eagerly wants your baby your love.



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Now you will have some time to push hard on yourself.

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In any case, not a child! Let on while you'll to dig into themselves, will weaken your control, and your a forced care, and your flashy events. Catch yourself every hostile thoughts.



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Disassemble it alone, in his personal diary - please document the inner workings! Thoughts expressed on paper, clearer and clearer.



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And often hug the child.


- And without a reason.


Even if he will be embarrassed and ill go with you to the contact.


- Hug, hug, hug.


And it will thaw.


And you are sure to thaw.


And then will come the love.

Source:

Belarusian women's portal

women's web magazine