No matter what was the reason for quarrels gave the ring, and about the bouquet forgot the bathroom mirror again splashed, promised to call and didn't call. It is important that you want to melt the ice in the relationship.How to reconcile of Course, there are two points of view are wrong and yours. But you do not need to be reminded of this constantly loved!
The strategy of reconciliation is always the same - regardless of what gave rise to quarrels - your PMS or more significant differences.
Alone or advance preparation
"Calm down. If you already went to different corners (rooms, apartments), but mentally continue to come up with accusations and trenchant phrase, the conclusion was to put up early. To stop this internal monologue, remember that we are talking about a man who is dear to you.
- Take the negative energy for peaceful purposes. Do the things which in ordinary life just hands do not reach: place your order in computer folders, sort things, throw stuff.
- Take a break. Very good to take a head something else: read a book, read articles from the "Psychology" or chat on the forum, watch a movie, sleep, finally. While consciousness is occupied, it is possible that you will see some new and different understanding of the whole situation.
- If you are a sociable person, discuss your quarrel with someone. It is not necessary to call mom or girlfriend, it is better to choose a virtual interlocutor, can and unfamiliar. Ask the question "why do you think people do so and so". Sometimes absolutely wrong people can give very useful advice because they are outsiders.
How to start a dialogue
You should never hurry. Wait until the partner has cooled and will be able to think straight. If the reason for the quarrel was serious enough, it may need it 1-2 days depending on temperament. Success is your attitude and conviction that you now turn off the conflict and do everything right. Remember, you want to make peace, not to prove your own innocence. Any "nyktalgia" intonation often perceived as a continuation of attacks. If you are unsure of your "voice", it is better to say nothing, but to live quietly in bed.
- If you find what was wrong, admit your mistake.
- Hug (Pat on the head, kiss in the ear and. so on - depending on the relationship) and tell me that you love him. Point! No provocation on the topic "Love, although you...". Otherwise run the risk of starting all over again.
- Weep. It works great, if often you quarrelling, behave coldly and independently as the "Iron lady", pretend that you still, though actually it is not so. Your tears will make it clear that you too are experiencing.
The way is difficult, but very effective: tell us about your feelings, you show that you understand his feelings (feelings, don't start talking about the beliefs or actions). Now is not the time to find out who's in what was or was not to blame.
- Prepare his favorite dish.
- After a quarrel especially sweet to put up with in bed. Temptation favorite!
He is not to contact
- If you are ready to continue to apologize, something to explain about feelings, to understand it, then continue.
If this attitude hurt you in the end, love is not a one-sided game, if you feel that it "stuck" on something, then change the intonation. Add in the voice of austerity and quietly, calmly, without emotion and slamming the door to inform them that you are tired to put up. Cold ask what he is seeking behavior. Wants to hurt you? Well, you have offended. Wants to be one? Well, let it be so. If after some number of such questions there is no reaction, leave the man alone, it looks like him and is actually there, something to think about. If it has no purpose to quarrel finally, he must make the first step.
And there's no need to shout!
If you realize that your scandals have some kind of cyclical and typically occur for the same reason, start with yourself, understand what drives the conflict you? In the future it will help you keep the situation under control and not falling on the scandals.
Step # 1
Recognize their own inadequacy. Ask yourself 2 questions: do you begin in a quarrel to hate the person you love? Does your anger obsessive?
For example: husband has once again delayed "on the job", you suspect the worst, dismissal, the presence of a mistress.
Step # 2
Feel the feelings you Express in the process quarrels? What emotions "NAT"?
For example: the husband comes back and you are "thrown" at him all his irritation and anger.
Step # 3
Remember what you felt before began to shout. For two hours, the hour, half hour, 15 minutes, 2 minutes before the start of the fight? This is necessary in order to understand what is happening in your soul really is. Often this list is headed by anxiety,.... Continue your personal list themselves.
For example: you were worried, and anxiety by the hour grew.
Step # 4
Analyze - what reminds you preconflict situation? What encouraged you to showdown? Pull out different hypotheses until then, until you feel a different emotion (not anger and resentment, and that lurked at the bottom of the soul). If you are stuck on this step, ask yourself the question "how do I look from the side".
For example: anger can hide the fear to be alone, unwanted. It is quite possible that you already have such experience (you threw earlier) and you are "trying on" old fears to the new situation.
Step # 5
Identify typical model behavior in the quarrel. Of course, this does not guarantee that you will not do so again, but forewarned is forearmed. For example: it is clear that the scandals on the topic "Where have you been" is unlikely to strengthen your family focus, rather, on the contrary will inevitably lead to divorce. As soon as you catch yourself thinking that you are ready to go to her husband's war, terrywhite yourself and switch to something nice: drink a Cup of green tea, put the mask on the face, download the press and. etc.
To live without quarrelling, boring, and save themselves in negative emotions are not useful. But do not get carried away - that in small doses the drug in large can be a poison.
Author:
Bekova I., Smirnov E.
Source:
Woman.ru
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