To be able to relax, eat well, make yourself happy by walking or massage - we all know that health depends on our ability to treat yourself with friendly care. But the theory from the practice of dividing the inner barrier to overcome is sometimes very difficult."All of these recommendations seem so simple to stretch before you get out of bed to breathe correctly, to make myself a bath and to arrange it in a session of meditation... But for me it's just as unrealistic to climb mount Everest! Perhaps, deep down, I just don't believe that all this can change my life. For some reason some people are able to learn how to "do good" while others are doomed to read the tips, not finding the strength to use them! "
Why, knowing that a caring, respectful attitude is the basis of the physical and emotional well-being, many of us simply neglected his body, forget about it, or even act openly harm him?
We "listen" mom and dad
In English there is the concept of routine is a series regular recurring activities, it is used both for daily hygiene and rituals application of cosmetics (beauty routine). He related the Russian word "routine" is only in our language it has a clearly negative connotation, as a reflection of something boring, pedantic, boring. "In practice, taking care of yourself looks like a learned sequence of actions, the habit of doing them, - said gestalttherapie Olga Dolgopolov. - This skill instilled in childhood. Those who daddy was doing exercises in the morning, and mom every night put in front of the mirror cream, taking care of yourself is more likely to seem natural. Others have to learn this science again".
If the example of the parents gives us a model of behavior, then their view of ourselves allows us to develop a friendly (or not) with respect to your own body. "The perception itself is formed by means of words, gestures, and attitudes learned in childhood, " explains the French psychotherapist Michelle Freud (Michele Freud). If this experience was satisfactory, we will be able to create a healthy view of my body and positive self-esteem.
In other cases, the attitude to the body is more complex and can manifest itself in different ways: poor diet, stress, unhealthy lifestyle, etc. To these source data are added to the positive or negative ideas introduced in our education. All this determines our behavior". Not dare to spend time on yourself, you feel a sense of guilt be considered class a waste of time, to associate the holiday with laziness - such beliefs, conscious or not, make us deaf to their own needs, make contact with a well.
"I can't stand"
Especially often this you can hear from women: "I have to take this time/money to his family/child". Often not only do we (rightly) put an equal sign between taking care of yourself and happy, but also (mistakenly) see in this lesson, the manifestation of selfishness. "A woman to take care of others will be easier than me, it makes her more inner satisfaction, - says Olga Dolgopolov. - Most likely, so did her mother or grandmother. And she will pass the baton to the next generation - your child about whom she cares. But if she learns to recognize and meet their needs, realize their desires, it will be much easier to teach this to their children - and thereby to help them become happy. Women have the choice to pass on this form of suffering and dissatisfaction with oneself and life, or to stop, pay attention to their needs".
Take care of yourself does not mean to give priority only to your own interests, against the interests of other people. "People need others in order to feel alive, existing, believes the French psychiatrist and psychotherapist Robert Neuburger (Robert Neuburger). "That's why we often pay attention not for himself personally, and depending on perspective on us by other people. In order to preserve their belonging to him." If the person feels insufficiently significant, if questioned its value and finds no place, taking care of yourself is meaningless. "After my divorce, I felt awful - ugly, uninteresting, - says 44-year-old Marina. In that period to take care of yourself for me meant at least get to the hairdresser to have my 12-year-old daughter in spite of all eyes remained positive example. And then I painted her lips".
"I'm a watch"
"The common phrase "to care for yourself" in its true sense means caring, understanding attitude, says Olga Dolgopolov. But we often replace it with another - "watch yourself", that is, rational, volitional effort to build a sort of "front side", which often hides not care about yourself. When someone says "I must look after themselves", there is nothing about "I want".
Masks, massages, yoga and when all these "yoga" work?! in the words of the 36-year-old Evelina sound simultaneously blame and envy. - I run a recruitment Agency, a team of 20 people, I have two children and did not have time for you to cherish! When my friend spoiled myself, as prescribed by the women's magazines I worked on my diploma in the United States. Needless to say that a bubble-bath with aromatherapy for me was not on the first place! Maybe today I would like to give yourself a rest, learn to relax and nourish your body, but life, with its habits already formed... "
Almost everyone will find excuses to blatantly ignore them. But conventional wisdom "I Have no time" often hides behind other deep-rooted belief:"I have no right to indulge", "I don't deserve such costs", "All this will not make me happier... And each of them embodies the aggression towards oneself, depressed or all of the same unconscious messages that are transmitted from generation to generation. 29-year-old Laura appreciated the scale of its internal stress in the day when she agreed to her friend on vacation made her a massage. "We sunbathed at the pool: sun, fragrance of flowers, the soft breeze... and I'm two minutes later suddenly into tears! Don't know how to explain it, but it was all for me somehow too - too gently, too gently, my life has never been the case! "
We are afraid to upset the balance
Such a reaction is not surprising: the man who surrounds himself emotionally hard shell, tenderness, attention, gentle touch not just seem strange - they threaten its internal equilibrium. Unwilling to incur the condemnation of the "invisible standing over our shoulder relatives or to undermine the protection strategy, which has helped us to build our personality and life, we fastened all the buttons to continue to treat yourself still. "Taking care of yourself can be painful or even impossible, if the person is unconscious perceives it as a violation, " says Michelle Freud. - As an opportunity to do something not permitted parents: please herself, to spend time, listen to yourself. To make this step difficult, it requires to overcome the feeling of guilt to go beyond repeating pattern".
"Of course, those who accept and love themselves, to show a genuine care much easier, says Olga Dolgopolov. - But the opposite is true: gradually mastering the simple gestures that make up the science of careful courting ourselves, we more easily accept yourself as you are and begin to treat yourself better. Only this way will allow us not to break down in endless "use" itself, but gently to restore the relationship between us and our body, and hence themselves".
5 keys to change
Just moving forward, step by step, you can learn to really care about yourself. Several therapeutic techniques, which offers gestalttherapie Olga Dolgopolov.
1.
Not to raise the bar. Write on a sheet of paper three sentences, beginning with the words "I want... ", move the line and three times to write, "I must... ". Consider how the first phrase is different from the second and how "should" it would be possible to convert to "want". Perhaps some of your goals in nutrition, shape, beauty too is a burden on you and it is therefore difficult to achieve. Torture itself means "to be yourself too demanding".
2.
Be aware of their movements. Making the most simple gestures - dressing, washing your face, applying cream, intentionally slow the pace and pay attention to what feelings bring you these movements. Acting mechanically, we forget about his body and more often tend to neglect them.
3.
Take the time to pleasure. Day of the week or hours in your schedule is a "book" for yourself. Use this only on your own taste - active or idle. Cup of tea and an hour of reading under a cozy blanket or a sweet Siesta devoting time to yourself, keep note of your emotions and thoughts, including a not very pleasant (guilt, stress, inability to focus on the fun).
4.
Locate the company. It makes sense to create your community well being, to find like-minded people. Jogging, yoga, fitness, steam bath, pool or dance to do any bodily practitioners together or in a group is much more effective, because it gives a constant feeling of support. And, incidentally, helps to maintain the regularity of practice.
5.
Praise yourself. But not for the "right things" for the benefit of others, and for caring for any sign of attention which you exert yourself. Well to go with me to most of us is not easy, but because each of these small actions becomes a huge step towards inner freedom!
Respect your body
To learn how to be true about him care to start is to start... thinking about it, advises the famous French psychoanalyst Jean-David Nasio (Jean-David Nasio).
"We have two possibilities exist in your body, " explains Jean-David Nasio. Or forgetting about it (I identified with him, I think that "I am my body"), or thinking about him (I think his body is their most valuable asset, say to myself: "I have a body"). In other words, perceiving yourself and your body as something unified, we are not able to bifurcate, to begin to treat him as an object of care and careful concerns. On the contrary, if we realize that you have the body (in the words of psychoanalyst, "sovereign entity" that has the power to extend or terminate our lives), we treat it with the respect it deserves".
Source:
Wday.ru
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