In childhood, adults constantly restrained me at the table. More than Eclair in your mouth not put marshmallows only for guests. My Cup was always significantly less cream than others. I was terribly hurt. But parents are not going to work out. "Who refuses to much, can not afford much," said my mother, hiding from me in the recesses of the kitchen shelves bright caramel packs. For me these words did not mean anything, but jars of apricot jam - everything. Not surprisingly, I grew up in a wealthy family, always felt an acute sense of greed and hunger to all possible pleasures. And sex is no exception.
Throughout my life, the man and his body stood in one weight category with a tempting box of chocolate chip cookies - until you reach the bottom, will not rest. I wanted to close, hurried to taste everything that came in the way, has changed many partners have broken hearts and shattered itself. Moderation and temperance gathered dust in the closet up until twenty years and twenty-five lovers I once made an important life decision.
For two years I did not have sex. Live, guided by the principles of repressive sexual morality. And, in defiance of doctors that say about progressive sociopathy and the risk of stagnation of blood flow in the hip area, I advise all to do the same.
It all started with the fact that one man whom I loved more than life threw me. To him all my novels were like a piece of sausage for homeless dogs hunger was satisfied, but the taste I did not feel. Seems to be good men, and look beautiful. But I'm chasing all at once could not be measured or taste of love, no fear of loss. With impatience I opened the door to his bedroom in the evening explore. Ripping off the clothes as wrapper from my favorite candy. In the endless masquerade swept past me face different personalities and ages. None of these guys for a long time is not delayed. I lacked the patience to unravel this mystery, and for them is a mystery I was not. And then one day I loved and was loved in return. Then it was all over.
At first it was difficult. Loneliness seemed disgusting and shameful, so I immediately called my fan. Here he is at my house, we drink. Now we are kissing. All as usual. I know the script by heart. But the farther he runs his hands under my dress, the more I splash devastating disgust. Compared to a real relationship that ended recently, it was cheap and low-quality substitute. "Well, come on, we will be fine, I promise".
You ask, when in the relationship between man and woman comes the moment of truth. It occurs in situations ruthless denial. When you're already naked, when it seems to fall back on, all cards are revealed and the stakes are high. Then the true man. They usually this test fail: start to behave aggressively, sulking, break, in the end, blame the woman hysterically and Bang the door. And I asked myself the sacramental question: do I need this? From this very moment I realized that I wasn't ready to anything less than love. It sounds corny, but the more I refused the male sex, the less regretted it. I realized that I already don't owe anyone anything. Don't want to respect me, let him leave. He calls a taxi.
Abstinence came to me in temperament. Not that I'm a man of passive and cold. On the contrary, aggressive and somewhat hyperactive. It turned out that in fact, abstinence is the choice of people self-centered, a form of snobbery and the illusion of separateness. I automatically started to feel better and cleaner than others. Men look like with heavenly clouds - what do you all want from me, ignorant... Before, when I was about 18, I thought that sex should be fair. If your bedroom a man, then go to the end. Eventually my biography consists of approximately 15 men with whom sex was only due to feeling awkward obligations. If I had valued itself as high as it may be, would have been married. As, for example, my friend Marina.
Don't even know on what ground we grew closer, because she is an angel, and I just pretend to be such. Marina grew up and was educated in the framework of Orthodox Jewish tradition. Virginity she kept up to 21 years, until he fell in love and decided that this choice is final and the case goes to the wedding. "We still get married soon, and to be a virgin at 21 is a physical burden. Parents will be shocked, but I'm going crazy from love. It will happen tonight, so I decided, " she told me. "Glory To God! " - breathed a sigh of relief I.
Marina and her boyfriend got closer, but she couldn't tell neither the Rabbi nor the parents about what he had done. Because if I say, then repents. And if you repent, then, should no longer go to bed with a man before marriage. The scales were comparable magnitude. Sex has turned into self-flagellation. After years of complex internal contradictions Marina decided to refuse sex at all. Now she is a frequent guest in the synagogue, and her boyfriend in public houses. Anyway, sexual abstinence was a trigger in their matrimonial plans. They are preparing for the wedding.
Meanwhile, my abstinence has become a cult. As the days passed, months. I felt physically ill, lonely soul, but he felt a real peace, absolute moral victory over them and their habits. At work my effectiveness indicators were raging at all was enough time, but the main thing is the feeling of a new quality of life. I am the best, and all I will be fine.
My experience shows that there is no easier way to scare a man than sexual anarchy. And a woman with a set of strict taboo the carnal, on the contrary, much more interesting and mysterious. As a treat on the top kitchen shelf. This woman seems to be a victim of circumstances, a Princess held captive by a dragon or just a silly student. Anyway, men wanted to intervene immediately. They thought that would be the first person I surrender. It so happened that they began to perceive me as a precious gift in a complex wrapper as a metaphysical puzzle or enemy stronghold. To take by storm! Carpet bombing it until you surrender!
Men liked me to discuss my sexual abstinence, this communication was easy, friendly safe. "I don't have sex. The chances of you no". - "So long without sex? 't believe it! You must constantly masturbate? " - "No. I don't even know how to do it." "How?! But you constantly think about it, isn't it?! "Yes, I think about it even now, looking at you".
I've got the most male attention, laughed and allowed herself ugly antics. Could invite a man home, undress, undress him and go to sleep with him naked, without letting yourself be touched. Talked about how I want it, but "moral shackles prevent". Believe me, it was an unforgettable, impossible, impermissible and sexy for me and for him. The feeling that sex still was the place to be, but I did not compromised.
All these fans, with whom I played cat and mouse, still mine. But friends were in shock. "So you haven itself will not find, lack of sex need to be ashamed, and not to shout about it at every corner", "don't try, you will not understand who you really need it", "wait for the Prince to remain a spinster".
It is not necessary to intimidate me! If the product does not pass the GOST certificate not see him. Men also must meet. Otherwise, for just a feminine will come the Apocalypse in the form of a lazy male monsters pattering forks on the table. Through this hell was my old friend Ira.
She was 39 when she realized that life is lived in vain. Grooms there. Last time loved journalism at the monument on moss. At work, at home, at the meeting with her friends she had heard only one thing: "Time is running out. Come on, activitywise, and it will be all life is one". One bedroom apartment with divorced parents brought her to hysterical constants.
I must say that the Ira did not abstain. She would be happy to have sex, but not with whom. The long absence of men in her life instilled in Ira terrible complexes and clamps. But she didn't give up, signed up for courses strip of plastics, learned to cook, read women's novels and dreamed of Turkish beaches, reducing at work budgets. She slowly went crazy.
One day we arranged her meeting with the elderly artist. At first she pouted and refused a meeting, and then it went. Compromise with all your fears, for the sake of social pressure. This date she is almost raped. We thought that they no longer see them, but soon the Ira was spotted strolling along the Boulevard on his arm. They have gathered. Parents breathed a sigh of relief, colleagues gasped in surprise. Ira received sex and relationships. Everything she recommended a friend. But along with this she also got a man with a penchant for good brandy, unemployment, idleness, easy, but convincing depression. She probably did everything right. But when Ira was 39-year-old "old maid", about sex we chatted and laughed a lot more than now.
My abstinence today is two years old. I can easily react to that which is to come, and the third and fifth anniversary. This time enriched me important knowledge that you should not ennoble nefarious things. Sex without love and there is such a thing for me. Whatever they say, I know: sex without love I'm getting old. From compromises in bed with distant men on my face visible traces of a bad experience. From soulless kiss I lose part of the soul. Of course, all individually. Someone doesn't believe me and called frigid. Your right. If my personal happiness is frigidity, then I do not fear her.
My colleague Tanya was always bright and cheerful. I secretly envied her. If we met two guys, she liked someone cuter. If we ordered different desserts, it was always tastier. Between Tanya and abstinence - giant chasm. Fans she had many, sex and more. She constantly someone called, she constantly ran. None of her suitors she did not love, but the sex was good, and the Breakfast prepares it well". Her lovers were replacing each other, changing places and passwords, but it didn't change for quite a. It seemed to me that Tannins are the chances to find love minimal. But one day, having a drink at the club next "long island", she met with Sergey. Dance kiss-taxi sex taxi. All as usual, but the next day they met again and again. Then I could not to meet her, because "we go there", "we are invited here", "we move". When they got married, I was sitting on the needle abstinence. And I must admit, when I saw these happy faces who found each other through sexual promiscuity, something in me was shouting.
Source:
ELLE
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