Formula of love

In the movie "Formula of love" count Cagliostro and could not get the love they desire. However, the case of the Italian alchemist alive and thriving. And although initially the theme of love was considered "taboo" in psychology, modern Cagliostro has already created several of their formulas, explaining the mystery of romantic love.



Love as a disease


American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in his book "Love and love" described the passionate romantic love as a blind biological mechanism that ensured our ancestors the ability to not only reproduce, but also some time to educate the total child. Tennov does not believe in love real love, and describes it more as a painful condition that has the following symptoms.




- Persistent Intrusive thoughts about the object of love.


Acute, painful need to return the feelings of the object.


- A feeling of euphoria in the case of reciprocity.


- Focus on the object of love to such an extent that people may ignore important responsibilities and not to solve urgent problems.


- A distorted perception of the object of love, often delirious. The positive qualities of the object are exaggerated and negative or ignored, or considered attractive.


- Strong sexual attraction to the object of love.




Tennov emphasized that although love and the simple desire to have sex is not the same, love without sexual attraction does not exist, because it underlies it. In her opinion, to be healed from the disease of love" is almost impossible. There are only two possible cures for love. The first is to stop any contact with the object. This method is very painful and will almost inevitably lead to depression, however, the normal human love will fade.




Another way to start a relationship. The peculiarity of "painful" love that it disappears, usually within 1-4 years. They say that after four years, people often get divorced.




However, Tennov does not consider the forecasts for couples necessarily pessimistic. In addition to the love she has also allocated a true love that is characteristic of the rare examples of a happy monogamous couples who remain together. This love is much "quieter": it is not peculiar obsession with another person, and it is not like madness.




Love how chemistry




A large number of scientific works infringe on romantic love with trivial physiological point of view, scientists were interested in what biochemical processes contribute to romantic feelings. For example, in one experiment the girl-the interviewer approached the young men and left them my phone after the interview. It turned out that more men would call her back if it crossed the mountain river - excitation from the physical exertion helped romantic interest. Some hormones and other substances associated with it with love, in particular the following.





Phenylethylamine - a substance that in trace quantities (very little! ) produced in the brain. It was largely responsible for "mad love. The action is very similar to cocaine or other drug from the class of stimulants, so makes you feel the excitement, euphoria and sexual desire during love. Unfortunately, the action of the phenethylamine temporary, a person gets used to him and the beloved does not evoke the same "chemical reaction".



Oxytocin. Fortunately, only the euphoria of phenethylamine to rely not have: there oxytocin - a hormone secreted in the brain and acts on the genitals (both men and women), and also promotes the secretion of milk in nursing mothers. Besides the above, oxytocin is responsible for the sensitivity to touch. It makes us desire to "cuddle", and also helps to fight stress. Its level in the blood increases when communicating with loved ones, especially if there is a tactile contact. Oxytocin is able to bind us to the person and to keep the relationship, when phenylethylamine has ceased to act.


What's interesting: the better man is to himself, the better he's got the balance of these two substances, the better his choice of partner.




The love triangle




Psychologist Zeke Rubin suggested to consider romantic love as a set of three elements - attachment, caring and intimacy:




Attachment

- the need for care, approval and physical contact with another person. For example, the attachment indicates the desire urgently to complain loved one, if you feel bad or lonely.


Care

- concern about other people's needs and happiness more than your own. The sense of care makes us put first the interests of the other person suffer for it, strive to help and to comfort.



Intimacy means General thoughts, desires and feelings that unite two people. The greater the intimacy, the greater the trust between people, the greater the desire to share ideas and emotions.


On the basis of these three components Rubin even developed scales that literally can be estimated "power of love".




Love how the palette




In his book "Colors of love" psychologist John Alan Lee was considered the essence of romantic love and its variations. He compares love with the color wheel. There are three primary colors, and Lee believed that there are three main styles of love. He called them nicely and Greek Eros, Logos and Storge:




Eros - the love of the perfect person.


Ludo - love as a game.


Storge - the love as friendship.




Continuing the analogy with the palette, Lee suggested that the three primary colors can be combined to create additional colors. The result is nine kinds of love. For example, if the palette of love mix Eros and Logos, you get Mania - obsessive love. Similarly, if you mix Logos and Storge, you get a Pragma - realistic and practical love. If you mix Eros and Storge, you will Agape - compassionate and unselfish love.





Love as friendship


One of the classics of the "psychology of love" Elaine Hatfield with colleagues has identified two types of love: compassionate and passionate.




- Passionate love is associated with a strong and uncontrollable emotions. According to Hatfield, it depends on our upbringing and circumstance - furnished or any personal characteristics of the individual signal us that it is "romantic" and the brain receives a signal to fall in love.


- Compassionate love is qualitatively different, ideally passionate love must move into compassionate. Such love is based on shared values, and it can be called love-friendship, when people just like to talk, spend time together.




Perfect love, may be able to combine passionate love and lasting love-friendship, but, according to Hatfield, this is a huge rarity. Therefore, the fading of passion best experience those pairs which have a common cultural and moral values and a shared view of the world.




Formula of love - the latest developments


Golden rules of love

Source:

Men's Life

women's web magazine