Psychologist, psychotherapist Boris Novoderezhkin about common questions asked by women after the betrayal of the men and the questions they don't ask (and ask would probably cost).
It all begins, as a rule, with timid:
- What is it? (typical first question)
Followed by a lengthy raskas that they have long no sex, it is increasingly delayed at work, became irritable and taciturn.
Even the most careful attempts to hint:
Perhaps he had someone come from? - usually lead to violent:
- Yes You that! He can do it, I know it!
While "not able" sounds like: "Well I know my baby, I'm so timid and shy..."
In response there is a thought: "you - Yes, and it may not. Maybe that's why he..." the Truth is, I usually try it at that time no speak...
If you are able to pause, then the woman quickly visits insight:
Maybe it's his midlife crisis? (second typical)
Obviously, the answer is: "Yes, it is! " would give her a full set of "maternal care for your baby".
But I don't like to push people to unnecessary hallucinogen about reality - it is so and to psychiatry attempts to formally adopt her own husband...
Therefore, as a rule, respond evasively:
"Well, you know, a midlife crisis sometimes lasts a lifetime...
After a number of unsuccessful attempts will be attached to her husband in the maternal role, the woman begins increasingly to exclaim:
- Do You think? Because it can't be! I don't believe You! (and this is despite the fact that I, as a real "tricky Chuckcha", hadn't talked...)
But sooner or later everything falls into place. Complex theory of alien conspiracies and cunning tricks from foreign intelligence services are replaced by painfully clear understanding of what the correct answer to this unsolvable riddle is very simple.
- How could he?! (third typical question)
Although this is the question I hear most often, I still every once fall into confusion...
Well what can I say? Not to describe to her how "it" is? Because once he did "it" with her, she is a grown woman... It can...
After this usually occurs desperate internal struggle, accompanied by shouts: "I can't believe it! ", "So many years I trusted him! ", "It just can't be! " and tears, tears, tears... of Course, and for me it is not a very pleasant moment, but we have to intervene absolutely meaningless, it is necessary simply to survive.
Sooner or later she calms down, and her head start to come new questions:
- Tell me, all men change? (the fourth is a typical question)
Oh, how she wants to hear: "Yes, without izlucheniya! " At this point I somehow begins to seem that strange myth about male polygamist" after all invented by women, and not men. Something like the "law of gravity" - the inevitability with which it is always easier to accept.
However, I do not think that such a "white lie" on my part would be here. Well knowing what the consequence may result in similar "theories", I prefer to remain silent.
But she have now something to do? And they are playing another "classic of the genre":
"What have I been doing all this time, isn't it?! (fifth typical question)
Of course that is asking this question is always in the secret hope that, by understanding the causes, they can be eliminated. And, as a consequence - to return the situation in the "original state".
And here I begin to explain something:
- first, that the "initial state" in principle unattainable;
- secondly, that her man could organize everything, and this something else altogether...
If our first thought the woman still somehow manage to digest it, then in the second I will have plenty to Tinker.
To explain that men change more often not because the house all bad (because then they just go away), but just the opposite, it is difficult... Especially when trying to avoid the "reverse" motion her thoughts towards male polygamy".
Somehow, and somehow manage to cope. But the last question is usually and the most "damning":
- I have a chance? (typical sixth question)
Here was my brain starts to crumble to pieces: "a Chance for what??? "
The chances that he will leave virtually no. If he really wanted to, you would have done it immediately. And then all this time we would speak of something totally different: how to survive the separation, how and in what order to meet with children, how to rebuild your life, how to find another man, finally... the Chances that suddenly magically become as it was before? Well, I already kind of hinted about his relationship to hallucinations...
But the questions "is there a chance? " and "what is it? " still continue to spin in a circle...
And this is despite the fact that in this situation there are many other issues that, from my point of view, it would be really sensible to ask:
- How will change the relationship after what happened?
- What, how, and what efforts they still can be changed?
Is there a General sense to continue for them to stay?
But these are usually for some reason no one is asking... But so would like...
Source:
Lady.ru
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