The formation of pairs, i.e. one-man - one woman", was the basic concept of people's lives for a long time. Usually there were such a relationship, where the man kept his beloved woman and if you could provide some more from time to time engaging in one on the side. Modern marriage is the product of Christian ideals, and his purpose is clear: to recruit adherents. If two adults are persuaded to obey a set of rules, requiring obedience to God, the offspring appearing in the marriage, will automatically come into the fold of the religion of parents. Whenever any human activity heralded an elaborate rituals and solemn oaths, then such activity is usually contrary to what some of our biological nature. The ritual is meant to get us to do what naturally we wouldn't have to have. Rolling parrots don't need a ceremony to enter into a monogamous marriage is a natural biological state. To insist that a polygamous animal, for example a RAM, was confined to a single sheep, equally funny. This isn't to say that marriage in modern society should not be. We, the authors, married, but it is important to understand the history of marriage and its relationship with our biological nature. Therefore, what are the benefits of marriage for men? From the point of view of biological nature - no. The man is like the rooster that seeks to dispel his genetic seed as widely and disperse it as often as possible. However, the man is still married, divorced, then married or supports pseudoprojection relations. Thus, the company demonstrates a remarkable ability to limit biologically lustful man. When the man asked: "What brings you married? "most usually begins unintelligible mumbling something about a warm safe shelter, cooked food for him, ironed shirts. At the heart of these issues is the desire to get something between his mother and his personal servants. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud argued that these men probably are looking for in a marriage relationship with his wife type mother-son. Only 22% of men mentioned that his wife was named best friend. Best friend of most men is usually another man, because they better understand the thought processes of each other. When women asked: "Who is you best friend? " 86% said another woman, in other words, someone with the same brain. When men are going to marry, many imagine that this is the beginning of an endless succession of sexual services on demand, but such expectations were never discussed before marriage, but the woman imagines marriage quite differently. However, surveys show that married men sexual intercourse more than a single and a married man at the age of 25-50 years have sex on average 3 times a week, but only 50% of the single so often get the opportunity to deal with a woman. The average for the solitary man - once a week. In 1997 in Australia, 21% of single men have not had sex a single time in the year of the survey, they married these men was 3%. As we have already mentioned, sex brings health. Unmarried or widowed men die prematurely more often than married.
Why women want monogamy
Although marriage in Western countries has become from the point of view of the law toothless tiger, most women wish to register their official matrimonial relations, and 91% of all people are married. The reason for this is a woman's desire to demonstrate to the world that the man considers it to be "special" and intends to pair with it to stick to monogamous relationships. The feeling that she was "special", has a great influence on the chemical reactions in the brain women. A proof of this survey data, which showed that the frequency of women reach orgasm four or five times higher than in the marital bed, and two to three times higher in the case of monogamous marriage. The older generation now have the feeling that young people consider marriage an outdated institution. Survey 1998, conducted among 2344 students, colleges equally, and at the age of 18-23 years, showed that it is not. On the question of the desire to marry 84% of girls and 70% of young men said that they will marry. Only five percent of young men and two percent of girls thought the institution of marriage obsolete. Friendship was considered more important than sexual relations, 92% of the representatives of both sex. When he was asked about the prospect of remaining a wife or husband one person for the rest of his life, 86% of girls and 79% of young men reacted positively to this. Only 35% of couples felt that the relationship between young men and women currently are better than those who had their parents ' generation. Fidelity took a very high place in the list of priorities for girls: 44% of those who had not yet turned 30 years, said that disconnects after learning that a man changes. In women over 30, this figure had dropped to 32%. Still less was this figure is for women more than forty years: 28%, and over 60 dropped to 11%. This means: the younger the woman, the more tough it will be compared to walking on the side of the man, the more important it is for her loyalty, the higher monogamy is in its values. This approach to men is not clear. Most of them sincerely believed that a random link on the relationship will not be affected: the brain men easily separates sex from love. But for women, love and sex are closely intertwined. Sexual relationship with another woman can be regarded as her greatest possible betrayal, and that is the cause of the break.
Why men are reluctant to take the marriage commitment
The man, a long-time married, always secretly concerned that a man has more sex and more fun. He imagines himself a fascinating Orgy, free sex without any obligations and sauna full of naked supermodels. He is afraid that opportunities pass by him, and he with nothing. And of no importance to the fact that at the time when he was alone, such opportunities he never had. He forgets about all the nights spent alone in front of Cup level canned, about the humiliating failure of women who openly defied them in the face of friends at the party, about the long periods of complete sexual abstinence. It constantly disturbs the idea that marriage commitment means missed opportunities.
Where in the brain breeds love
American scientist, doctor of anthropology Helen Fisher of Rutchenkovo University, new Jersey, has conducted original research using techniques of brain scans to determine what areas of the brain are responsible for the love. Although this work received only preliminary results, it was determined the position of the three types of emotions in the brain: lust, passion, and affection. Every emotion corresponded to their specific chemical reactions that are catalysed the brain when its owner was attracted to someone. From a biological point of view, these three components of love provide a practical implementation of vital reproductive function. Once conception has taken place, the system is deactivated and love the process stops. The first stage, the lust, which is associated with physical attraction and proceeds without words, we have already discussed. Fischer writes: "passion is a stage on which the other person does not leave your head and you can't get rid of it. Your brain focuses on the positive qualities of a loved one and ignores all negative".
Stage a passionate desire is an attempt of the brain to communicate with a potential partner, and there is an emotion so powerful that they can cause incredible euphoria. If this stage is decisive refusal, then the result may be inadequate despair, which is not excluded, will be followed by obsession, obsession. In the most extreme cases can occur even murder. At the stage of a passionate desire there are several powerful chemicals that cause feelings of upliftment. Dopamine gives a sense of well-being, phenylethylamine increases the excitation level, serotonin creates a sense of emotional stability and norepinephrine creates you the impression that you can achieve any goals. The don Juan syndrome peculiar to people who can't do without this delicious cocktail of hormones and wish to reside in this state always. But stage a passionate desire is a temporary condition, lasting on average from 3 to 12 months. People mistakenly believe this stage actually love. However, this is only the biological acceptance of nature, which wants to ensure that man and woman stay together long enough for reproduction. At this stage lovers danger: they believe that their sexual desires are ideally suited to each other, but make this Conclusion based only on the fact that they have sex like rabbits. Real differences in their sexual drives are detected only after the stage of passionate desire and the commencement of the next stage - attachment. When real life will finally prevail over the passionate attraction, each or one of the partners or reject the other, or will come the third stage of attachment, which is building a connection strong enough and long for joint cultivation of children. Fischer suggests that, given the rapid development of technology brain scans, it will be able, continuing research, find those areas of your brain that are responsible for love, both men and women. Understanding the three stages will help you cope with the stage of passionate desire and get ready for the not so pleasant events.
Love - why man fell in love, and the woman he loved?
They say that love is a state akin to insanity, and this is true above all for men. Men full of testosterone by the throat, and he pushes them to the stage of passionate desire of love. During this stage men are so much inflamed by testosterone, which can not distinguish top from bottom, right from leva. The reality, having reached them, beat them fiercely. The woman who was so exquisite in the middle of the night after sunrise seems totally not attractive, and not clever to the same. Women centers of emotion and logic in the brain are more connected, testosterone it smaller and it is easier to assess whether it's worthy chose a partner. That is why in most cases the ensuing novel often break off women and why so many men can not understand what happened. Women operation parting spend softer men, even if you despise the man. In a farewell letter many do not even forget to say that her love will last forever.
Why man it's hard to say "I love you"
The phrase "I love you" always gives a woman so much easier than a man. Thanks to specific brain a woman's world is full of feelings, emotions, communication and words. The woman knows that, feeling protected, cherished and adored, and at the stage of attachment, she will probably love. The man is vague about what love is, and often confuse lust and passionate attraction with love. He knows that he could not tear away from her hands, maybe it is love? His brain is blinded by testosterone, he has a permanent erection, and he is unable to think clearly. It often happens that will take years after he began an affair, until a man realizes that he really loves and understands retroactively. The woman immediately recognize that there is no love, and so often terminates the relationship first.
Many men don't know how to communicate. They think that by saying the word with the letter "L", they are forever bound by the obligation and cherish is the word for extraordinary case of naked supermodels in the sauna. When a man crosses the Rubicon and says the secret word, then he wants to tell about this event, everywhere, to everyone. However, men usually do not notice that the frequency of orgasm, the woman rises after he said the word with the letter "L".
Both men manage to separate love from sex
Cheating happily married women - a rare thing, and married, and happily, the adventurer side commonplace. More than 90% of the novels initiate men, and more than 80% complete novels women. This is because the woman is aware of first: a novel no longer carries with it the emotional connection, but only physical, and he begins to chafe. The male brain, with the ability to separate love from sex, because it is divided into separate sections, is only one thing. Him often enough and excellent, purely physical relationship that completely absorbs his attention. It is still unclear where exactly is placed love in the brain, but studies have shown that women in the brain has a network of connections between the centre of love and the center of sex (the hypothalamus), and to strengthen the centre of sex only after activated the centre of love. Men, apparently, these compounds do not, so for them there is a separation: love separately and sex separately. For men sex is sex and love is love - sometimes, to come together.
The first question asked by the woman, catching her husband's betrayal: "You love this woman? " Man, answering: "No, it's purely physical" may be telling the truth, because he can separate sex from love. The female brain is unable to understand or accept this answer, so many it's hard to believe, when a man tells her that it means nothing. For women sex is love, love is sex. For the female brain offensive is not a physical act with another woman, and a violation of emotional contact, loss of confidence, which she feels for him. If a woman has and says it means nothing, it is likely lying. For women to cross the line, followed by sex, means to establish an emotional connection with another man.
When women make love, men having sexThere is an old saying: making love is the very thing that makes a woman until the man seizes her. However, the same thing that happens often is the cause of the quarrel between lovers. A man calls sex sex, but the woman in this word reacts negatively, because in its definition, the term is wrong. Woman making love", which means: she wants to feel loved and wants she felt love before the actual sex. For many women, the act of "sex", devoid of love, best for one side only of the act, because the female brain can't accept the definition of love as sex. When a man says "sex", he is referring to a purely physical act that does not mean lack of love to the woman he. When a man wants to "make love", he still wants to call it a sex. The reaction to this word the woman may be negative, but the expression "making love" causes many men feeling that he was cheating on her, because sometimes he just want pure sex. If the man and woman understand the issue, and agree not to pay attention to the terminology used by each, of the controversy surrounding this issue does not occur: another reason to quarrel eliminated in the Bud.
Why great partners look so attractiveResearch Institute Kinsey found that during sexual intercourse the perception of women a man depends on the depth of the inner feelings for her. This means that he is above evaluates its physical attractiveness, if he loves her, even if others consider it ugly. If he is not particularly interested in it, then evaluates its attractiveness is lower than perhaps it deserves. When a man is in love with a woman, the size of her thighs already has no value. From his point of view, they are perfection itself. These data show that if the first meeting physical beauty plays a significant role, while long-term relationship becomes the most attractive warm affection, and this is confirmed by the studies mentioned in the section "What are we looking for" Chapter 9. However, the attractiveness of men to women, the situation is different, and this was shown in a very interesting study that was conducted in bars frequented by lonely people. Scientists have discovered: the later the hour, the more attractive seemed to be a man free woman. The woman, on a scale of ten men put five at seven o'clock in the evening, at ten thirty in the evening already received a rating of seven, and at midnight to eight and a half, and the more alcohol in the blood, the higher was the score. Women, however, putting in seven hours five, the same assessment was given at midnight.
In women, alcohol does not affect the assessment of the degree of attractiveness, sometimes after alcohol mark is even decreasing. Women continue to appreciate the man as a partner primarily for personal qualities, not physical attraction, and its opinion does not affect neither the hour nor the amount of alcohol consumed.
Is there a pull of opposites to each other?
In 1962, for the first time, a study was conducted in which it was determined that we attract people with the same interests, values, attitudes, and perceptions. With such people we instantly come into contact. In subsequent studies it was demonstrated that under such circumstances lovers have higher chances of long-term relationships. However, too much similarity can be boring. We need differences, complementary to the partner seemed to be interesting, but not so large that it took to change the lifestyle. For example, a quiet man may attract sociable woman, but they are hardly too for all experiencing.
Physical opposites attract
Take a look at the results of any research on the physical attractiveness of the opposite sex, and you will see that we prefer physical traits, a contrast to our own. Men prefer women soft where they firmly, and with curves where they have a direct line. Men prefer women with wide hips, narrow waist, long legs and round the chest with all the attributes that they do not have. He loves small chin, small nose and a flat stomach, because he has these traits usually the opposite. Women also love the contrasting traits in men, including broad shoulders, thick arms and legs, strong protruding chins and big nose. However, there are some interesting exceptions. Some studies have shown that men who do not use alcohol, prefer women with small Breasts, and women with large Breasts prefer men with a small nose, and men with a small nose attract just women with flat chest. Extroverts are drawn to women with very large Breasts.
The key is the ratio of the hips and waist
If you watch how varied tastes of men for centuries, you will see that men have been in fashion all from the big the biggest women in the XVI century to skinny supermodels, whose figures are similar to pencil. Standing there was only one feature: never escape the attention of the men did not escape the ratio of waist and hips. It is established that the woman whose waist is 70% of the hips, has a better health compared with other women and a higher level of fertility. Dr. Devendra Singh from the University of Cambridge examined the men of many nationalities and found that the man instinctively knows this, and his brain properly configured. Women will be pleased to know that if they have the ratio of waist and hip size in the range from 67 to 80%, then men will not leave them to their attention, even if the excess weight from five to ten pounds, because the main criterion is the curvature of the bend. Women are still attracted to men with a shape similar to a triangle with a wide top side, that is, with broad shoulders, a narrow waist and strong hands, which is the attributes of a successful earner food. Women around the world prefer that the man had a small tight ass, but few of them realize why they think it is attractive. We are the only primates that have protruding ass, and it serves two purposes. First, it acts as a counterweight, providing a direct position on two feet; the second, he gives the man the opportunity to make a strong direct attack during sexual intercourse, which increases the chances of fertilization.
Men and seductionNot that the man did not want to seduce a woman romantically, he just doesn't understand the importance of courtship for women. The demand for books is a good indicator that we are interested in the. Women each year spend millions on a romantic works of the type that produces the publishing house "mills and boon". The main topics in women's magazines, love, romantic courtship, gossip about other people or how to keep yourself in shape as eating and dressing to romance. Conversely, men spend millions on books and magazines filled with useful technical advice on subjects such as computers and other mechanical devices that require spatial imagination, or on hunting, fishing and football. It is therefore not surprising: when it comes to courtship, men don't know what to do. Modern man has never had before my eyes a relevant example, And therefore, his predicament is understandable. His father didn't know how to care, because this is not needed. On one of our workshops woman recently told how he asked the man, so he often showed love for her: in response, the husband washed and polished her car. This case shows that men believe in love. This man bought his wife a Jack for a car as a birthday present, and by the tenth anniversary of the wedding - two tickets in the front row on wrestling.
While Europeans have earned the reputation of people who romantically to care, although it is slightly overestimated, the vast majority of men around the world do not have any idea about the romance of courtship. Previous generations were too busy fighting for survival to worry about such niceties. In addition, the male brain is configured on technique and not on aesthetics. Not that the man wasn't trying to do something in this regard, but he just doesn't understand the importance of gesture: to open the door of the car, bring flowers, to dance, to cook the woman lunch or to change a roll of paper in the toilet. Sex comes as a result of such gestures. Men often start with sex, and only then begin to think about how to build other aspects of the relationship.
Several reliable romantic tips manWhen it comes to love and courtship, the woman has no problems, but the man is in complete darkness, so he prefers to think that he is ready to love always, anywhere and at any time. The ability of the man to care (or lack thereof) plays a huge role in whether they want a woman to make love to him, so we give the man six true tips that will help the man now as he helped him and five thousand years ago.
1. Organize the environment.Whereas women's sensitivity to the environment and high sensitivity to external stimulation, the man has the sense to pay attention to the place where the meeting will pass. The female hormone estrogen makes it sensitive to illumination: dim light dilates the pupils, and people begin to look more attractive for each other, besides less noticeable imperfections and wrinkles. Excellent hearing women requires a properly chosen music. You need also a secluded pure cave, which is guaranteed not able to break at some point a bunch of children or anyone else. The urgent desire of women to have sex only in an intimate setting explains why the most common secret fantasy women associated with sex on the mind of the public. At the same time, secret fantasy men - sex with a perfect stranger woman.
2. Feed her. Since you evolved as a hunter, you will not be difficult to understand that by feeding a woman, you will Wake up in her primitive instincts. That is why the invitation to lunch is the most important for her part of the ritual, even if she is not hungry, because the gift of food shows that you care about her well-being and survival. When a woman is preparing you meals, and this is for her and for you an even more powerful symbol that is associated with the deepest instincts.
3. Light the fire. The collection of firewood and kindling of the fire service, which was made man for woman for hundreds of thousands of years. For women, this action looks very romantic. Even if it is a gas fireplace, and it can easily ignite, he must do it himself, if he wants to create a romantic atmosphere. Important the act of providing the service and not the fire itself.
4. Bring flowers. Most men don't realize the impact force of a bouquet of flowers. The man thinks: "Why waste such Prorva money on a thing that have to be thrown away in a few days? " Male logic is ready to accept the act of donation pot with a flowering plant, because the plant is in the care and care will live, maybe even profit will bring! However, the woman sees things in a different light: she wants a bouquet of flowers. After a few days the flowers will wither, and they have to be thrown away, but it appears an excuse to buy the next bunch, and again to appeal to the romantic instincts, to appease her sublime desire.
5. Dance with her. Not that the man is not actively wanted to dance: simply many in the right hemisphere there is no region that is responsible for the sense of rhythm. Go into any aerobics class and look at the men (if at all), trying to keep the rhythm. The man, who gave himself the trouble to learn how to dance rock and roll or waltz, invariably popular among all women at any party. About the dance they say that it is a vertical act of a horizontal desire and its history is the history of the ritual, which was allowed contact between the male and female body as one of the methods of courtship. Analogues exist in animals.
6. Buy chocolate and champagne. This combination for many years associated with romantic courtship, although few know why. Champagne contains not found in other alcoholic beverages, chemical substances, which is associated with increased levels of testosterone in the blood. Chocolate contains phenylethylamine which stimulates the center of love in the woman's brain. Daniela Piomelli from the Institute of neuroscience in San Diego in a recent survey revealed three new chemicals called M-acyl-ethanolamines, which, as a matter of hemp, are attached to the receptors in the female brain, causing feelings similar to those that appear after Smoking marijuana. These substances are contained in dark chocolate and cocoa, but not in white chocolate and coffee.
Why a man stops to touch the woman and talk to her
"Before we got married, he always held my hand on the walk, patted on the back and constantly spoke. Now he's my hand does not want to talk to me, and touches only when he needs sex". This complaint is probably familiar to you. During courtship the man touches his beloved more than will to do it ever in their life together. This is because he's dying from a desire to "master" it, but not having permissions to sexual touching, he compensates for this by touching anywhere allowed. When it gets the go-ahead for sexual embrace, his brain sees no reason to return to the already travelled stage. So he focuses on the "more desirable". His conversation during courtship is a collection of information, data and facts about the girl and providing her with information about yourself. By the time when they were married, he knows everything he needs to know about it, and he sees no point in further talks. Man must understand that the female brain is programmed on the call that her sensitivity to touch ten times higher than he should learn the art of communication through words and touch, which will lead to a sharp increase in the quality of his love life.
Why men love touchThe hormone oxytocin is known as the "hormone of arms". He enters the blood when someone's skin gently Pat or someone locked up in a gentle hug. It increases sensitivity to touch and causes a sense of community, representing the main factor determining the behavior of women in relation to children, and men. When a woman starts feeding the baby, this hormone gives impetus to the allocation mechanism of milk. If a woman wants to give pleasure to the man, touching him, she touches him, as I would like to feel the touch of her. She'll scratch his head, Pat your face will be massaged his back and gently through hair. Such affection by many men have no effect and can even irritate. His skin has a sensitivity smaller than the female, so that he felt no pain and didn't notice the wound while hunting. Men prefer to be touched only in one place, while the more, the better. These differences lead to disagreements. When a man wants sensual to touch a woman, he is drawn to those places that are most sensitive at himself. The woman hates too intimate touch above all: the result of mutual repulsion. When a man and a woman will learn to give each other pleasure, touching a partner as he loves most about, the relationship will become much richer.
The blooms do love spring? The biological clock is supplied so that the females give birth in the warmer months to ensure the best conditions for the survival of infants. If an individual must yield the fruit of, say, three months, males peak of desire occurs in spring, and the young are born in summer. People child carrying nine months, so higher levels of testosterone observed in the nine months earlier in the fall. The old adage "all Spring feelings turned to love" is true only for those members of the animal world, in short, about three months after, the period from conception to birth. Studies show that in the southern hemisphere the highest level of testosterone in men is in March, and North to September. In these months the men also exhibit greater competence at reading maps, because testosterone increases the capacity for spatial thinking.
How to mentally put themselves in a sexual conditionBecause the mind is a combination of chemical reactions, there is the ability to mentally put themselves in a sexually excited state. This technique taught many texterity. It is in focusing on the positive qualities of your sexual partner and accessing the memory of the sexual scenes that took place. The brain responds to this selection of chemical substances that cause sexual arousal, and you have the appropriate desire. This desire occurs naturally when a lover is being passionate desire or courtship, when he sees his beloved only good, and mutual attraction seems endless and never-ending. There is also the opportunity to turn away from the desires, focusing on the negative qualities of the partner, resulting in the brain will cease to develop appropriate substances.
To experience a passionate desire anewIt's nice to know that once you thought to get yourself to come into a state of sexual arousal, you just can thought to bring yourself into a state of passionate desire, remembering how you cared before. That is why such a good effect have a candlelight dinner, romantic evening walk around the beach, held in a joint retreat weekend - all the things that cause hormonal impact, the feeling, which is often called "vlyublennosti". Lovers waiting, the status of a passionate desire will last forever, be prepared for disappointment, but at a reasonable planning sensations inherent in it, can be revived again and again whenever you want.
How to find a coupleLove begins with lust, which can last for several hours, several days or a few weeks. Then comes the period of passionate desire, which can last on average from three to 12 months, before the advent of the attachment. When after a year or so blinding you a cocktail of hormones will cease to intoxicate, you will see your partner in the cold light of day, and those cute trifles, which you were so dear, will start to annoy you. You seemed ridiculous that he can't find the cheese in the refrigerator, but now you want to scream. He loved listening to your talk about the smallest trifles, but now he wants to kill you, if only you stopped. You ask yourself the question: "will I be Able to tolerate it the rest of your life? What I found in the us? " It is not excluded that the total you have little, and to tell you is not what. Nature has reached her goal: she left you in the arms of each other, vozdeistvovat powerful chemical cocktail, which was forced to breed, but don't think. To find the right fit means to decide what you shared with someone, keeping in mind long-term relationships, and this must be done before you come natural peak hormonal Blinder. Later when the stage of passionate desire, and she will be sure - will you be able to build a relationship based on friendship and common interests?
Write a list of priorities and interests that you would like to find her a pair, and then you will know exactly what you are looking for. A man will store up a list of qualities of a perfect pair for themselves, but the party will go, filled with testosterone. And start looking for the "perfect" woman under the influence of this hormone - beautiful legs, flat stomach, round ass, nice Breasts - all symptoms associated with intermittent function of reproduction. Woman wants man, sensual and caring, with a triangular torso, wants a strong personality - all characteristics associated with the upbringing of the child, with a residence time of food and the protection of the family. And in either case there is a short biological needs that have little to do with success in modern society. If you write a list of desirable qualities of an ideal partner and will have it on hand, it will help you to objectively evaluate new/th friend/th next time, when nature tries to take control of your thoughts and passion. Nature wants you to be bred as often as possible, and is a potent substances, pushing you to it. When you will understand this and will work with a description of their ideal pair, you will find it more difficult to cheat, and your own hunting for the ideal partner will be successful, and that will bring you happiness in life.
In the book by Allan and Barbara Pease "Language relationship (Man and woman)"
