Dependence on love
Research shows that when love activates a certain part of the brain and begin to act biochemical mechanisms, such as those that work for drug dependence. Therefore, love can be seen as a form of addiction. Well, if this dependence bilateral and voluntary. Well, if it only helps you to live and sharper feel. And if not? If this love more trouble than joy?
To get rid of love-based, needs to be worked on. It's difficult, but freedom is worth it. As you struggle with any addiction, a simple voluntary action is not enough.
Only full clarity
A clear understanding of their true desires is the key to success in almost any business. In order to get rid of excessive attachment, the first thing you need unambiguous desire. This is the condition: know what you want, and do what is necessary to achieve the goal. If clear in your head no, the article you are reading. Women who are suffering from years of love to "perfect scoundrels" and "worthless men", simply unable to make a definitive decision on liquidation of the project. They assure themselves that no power over their own feelings. But subconsciously hope: "maybe he will change, and then there will be a completely different life... but it would be good if he called, and I would have it all explained." This is often unconscious fear of being alone.
Examine yourself: do you really want to unleash a relationship with this person? What objections and painful feelings this idea awakens? These feelings will be to place doormats your good intentions: it is better to clarify things. Imagine your life in five years, what you would like to see. You will then be taken to unwanted object of love?
Out of sight...
So, clearly the decision to part forever has already been made. The first step is: not to see, not to hear, and especially not to touch. That is not to meet, to avoid places where you find the dependency object, and in any case not to lie with him in bed. And yet - shut off all communication channels: phone, sms, email, etc. Without this harsh measures to leave impossible: communication and proximity support love addiction simply on the level of hormones. Yes and to be around those who you want to get rid of, - is this normal?
When the decision to get rid of love addiction is accepted, it is not necessary to go into explanations before anyone else: someone you will start to talk. "I'm busy now" - these words enough.
If you are bothered by the thought: "Why can't I just remain friends? " - put it off until deliverance from addiction. When the process is complete and you will change, you can already start thinking about friendships.
It is important to decide what you intend to do with his precious postcards, Souvenirs, tickets to the cinema, bears, bunnies and such trifles, reminiscent of bygone love. If you are not willing to include them in the trash, at least get them a separate container. Close it and hide out of sight until better times.
Stock up on handkerchiefs
Give yourself a special time for mourning the loss. You will need a deserted place and handkerchiefs. Cry, talk with him, and with an imaginary interlocutor, remember. And then you can live on. After several such sessions feelings will change, and cry will become more difficult.
The loss of a loved one, even by your free choice, is always painful. These relationships were invested too much. Psychologists know that the person is experiencing healthy depression, which contributes to the separation. This depression is not a disease but a kind of work. And this suffering no way around. To get rid of the pain there's only one way to live it in its entirety as soon as possible and a clear head. Attempts to escape only stretched hard feelings for months and years.
You can write down your feelings and thoughts. This can be a diary of memories without a system or poem without rhymes. Because you are writing for yourself, you can do embellishment. Such an attempt again to tell the painful story of the relationship often brings sudden opening. It is easier to see what happened, and to make valuable conclusions for the future.
Caution: Deputy!
It is clear that any crisis is highly desirable to survive without drugs, alcohol, overeating, malnutrition and other funds, which temporarily reduce the pain, but does not allow you to live the crisis constructively. When getting rid of love based very often on the horizon have a similar false painkillers in the form of another man. Often sudden flashes a new love, which helps to recover from the previous. And it seems very real, Chistoprudniy love. Often this self-deception, the manifestation of the unconscious fear of loneliness. At least, if the new person is just "Deputy", the drug (i.e. a new relationship) will be overwhelmed past. And this increases the chance that they will repeat exactly the same scenario from which you were hoping to escape. Where to devote reasonable time of deliverance from addiction to learn complacent and productively to live alone. For the average person on this period takes six months, although this varies.
Without substituents better to do, but not talk to do not worth it. And talk about your experiences should be as large as possible, especially in the acute phase of deliverance from addiction. Vent is better not to one person, and more - otherwise any listener soon you will get tired. If you don't have friends who can just listen, the psychologist is also an option. Not only is this to do with the person you want to be free, or candidate in his place!
Move...
Move - in all senses of the word - wonderful lesson! Let's start with the easiest: depression is incompatible with the movement. It is a fact. Although pleasant to suffer lying on the couch, it only delays the depression. Much better to go to the gym or go outside. When you broke relations with those who depended on, you got plenty of spare time. What you always wanted, but never could afford? To learn Spanish language, learn to ride a bike regularly visit the Solarium or take a trip to China? Spending a few days in mourning for the past, by golly, is to take up something new. It sounds corny, but it really is.
Run or do some exercise), and at the same time try to put their feelings of depression and anger - in movement of the arms and legs. Let them make you move, let them become a source of energy. When you get tired, please note that these feelings have changed.
...and to live on
If you constructively live this period, not only will you gain freedom from former dependencies. You will become more fully themselves. You will be prepared for the fact that in a new relationship to avoid the same mistake. And then we can think about whether to stay friends with your ex. However, then the question itself would not seem particularly important.
Author:
Blockages M
Source:
Wday.ru
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