Why is it so painful to hear such phrases? The fact that they can easily "run" very unpleasant sensations. As soon as we begin to understand that we are pressed, immediately have a kind of, sometimes uncertain feeling (more about it below). Typically, events are moving so that we inevitably begin to feel the characters of the parable. The one where the man was asking for advice from the sage - is it worth it to marry and heard in response: "That you did, in any case you will have to regret it". But if guilt becomes your constant companion - you know, from him until the end of the relationship - just one step.
On the other side of the fence or ulterior motives of the blackmailer
In principle, any person who tries to manipulate other people, tries on the mask of the victim.
He believes that he needs our love and recognition. He believes that he will not be able to live without us. He needs more casualties on our side.
He attached great expectations with us and thinks that cannot be satisfied as long as we are not going to meet them.
He feels hurt and offended and wants to show us how he hurt their feelings.
He does not Express his desires, preferring to wait in silence until we do it. Due to the fact that we do not possess the gift of clairvoyance, we can't keep them, and this man gets the opportunity to feel unloved.
- He wants revenge.
- Inside there is aggression, which he is afraid to Express it.
What happens if you succumb to provocations
- You start to convince yourself that the yield is not so bad
- There are attempts to devalue their own desires
- There is the idea that to give is better than to hurt someone else's feelings
- There are arguments in his defense
- Disappears your inner power
- You start to do things to please other people
"You don't understand what you want.
Almost any of these items is a step on the way to change yourself is to lose yourself as a person. If you want this, really?
We in no case do not call to ignore the feelings and needs of others. However, you have no obligation to support those ways in which they say about them. Remember that guilt is a very bad adviser.
How to behave
Strategy
Repeat as a mantra (learn by heart) - the one who accuses others of selfishness, self - egoist who wants his needs met. Remind yourself that every person is responsible for their own feelings. Even if you do not act the way he imagined it is, it does not mean that you are bad.
Consider the poor health of another person, but do not hurry the hour to ascribe the blame for it.
Remind yourself that no one can make you feel guilty. If you feel guilt - you know, it's your own monster, which came to light because you think you did something wrong.
Feel free to ask others in the future to talk about their expectations directly and openly, boldly confess the lack of telepathic abilities.
Tactics
Never agree to do something unpleasant immediately, take a moment for reflection, tell me "I have to think".
Every time you think that you are trying to push, run a mental check as to run antivirus on your computer, ask the question "Who said that I should... " or "Where it says that ... it is my duty," or even "Show me an article in the Constitution where it is written... " (instead of Constitution you have the right to insert any document that has value for you).
If you want - buts, when someone expresses an opinion or desire. "Yes, I am very sorry that you feel" or "you have a right to have their opinion. I, too", or "We have different views on things", etc.
Source:
Woman.ru
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