As small secrets cherish the love

Sometimes we hide from your partner, which again began to smoke, or decrease it cost last purchase... we don't Have any special propensity to lie. But why do we hide from a loved one, a seemingly innocuous facts?



To have personal space


"When we live together with another person, almost our whole life passes before his eyes, " says psychotherapist Elena Olimova. - The more important for us to have such an area, where no one but us to look will not be able. This helps us to feel the boundary between the self and the other: I - I. And you are you".




To have the secrets necessary for each of us. Leaving part of his life only for themselves, we avoid other people's opinions, create some sort of internal refuge, where fully belong to myself. This is especially important for those who are "included" in your partner.




"In such pairs played the mother-child relationship, " explains Elena Olimova. Sometimes he or she is proud to say: "we Have no secrets from each other." For the pursuit of complete sincerity, transparency hides the unconscious desire to return to childhood, when "I" has no boundaries and is in fusion with the mother".




Hide details of our lives, we begin in childhood, mainly from parents. This harmless deception plays an important role: it helps us to form personal, to feel independent and to affirm our own existence.





Hide the desire to please


Each nice to catch yourself admiring the views. But the tradition, which instructs the woman modesty and does not allow you to flaunt their sexuality, are unlikely to soon be losing out. This behavior is connected with the so-called "maternal imperative". For centuries, women from an early age get the idea that their body does not belong to them to the full extent that one day he will need to share with a child, because it then them and given to bear children, to feed them and protect them. The need to sacrifice for the other contradicts other necessary care for themselves. Hence the desire to relatively honest about what has to care about their appearance.




Little woman secrets is part of the love game. It's fun to suddenly appear before a partner in a new guise. And why does he need to know how laborious was preparing this surprise? Besides women, to the attention of other men, much more likely to remain faithful to their partner.





To maintain balance


It is also often preferred to keep quiet about the fact that we are not satisfied in habits or behavior of the partner. Sometimes we give our partner the functions of our "Super-I", the internal judge, which Freud defined as the totality of parental prohibitions, suppressing our desires.




Each partner is a carrier of those qualities which the other would like to have. One sample to another. It is this idea of how to build relationships, makes us strive to always be on top. Out of fear not to perform properly its function, we often go on deception and pretense. But on the other hand, thanks to the innocent secrets and little lies we keep their identity, otherness, a world of its own and continue to remain attractive to each other.

Source:

Wday.ru

women's web magazine