Difficult period
Divorce is a difficult ordeal for the whole family. The decision is not easy and is almost always accompanied by conflicts and loud showdown. Typically, the child does not remain aloof from what is happening, and even finds himself in the line of fire, or serves as a "cover" one of the parents.
Natural world kid's crumbling. The range of parental emotions during this difficult period ranges from hostility and outbursts of anger to sadness and despair, and the child may take it personally. It's hard to understand that what is happening is only concerned parents. The child may feel guilty, believing that they had made some mistake and became the reason for the divorce.
The sooner you explain that your decision is not connected with him, the less he will have reason to feel guilty about that his parents are not living together. Let the child understand that he is not responsible for the divorce, but also to influence your decision too, he can't.
To help the child
In the period of the divorce, the child's behaviour may change visibly, he becomes whiny, stubborn, irascible. Can disrupt sleep, appetite, there are new or intensify existing fears. The appearance of certain symptoms suggests that the experience of the child is so strong that he is unable to cope with them and he needs support and assistance. Especially from parents. Where do I start? Talk openly with your child about what changes will happen in your life. In this situation, it will definitely be better that the conversation was attended by both parents. Tell me baby that you understand how it is not easy, it is very sad when mom and dad break up. Necessarily talk about their feelings and experiences about how you're upset. Many parents try to hide their feelings, to pretend that everything is in order. But, paradoxically, this behavior complicates the situation: and then the child feels isolated, alone with his anxiety, sadness, fears.
Showing your feelings, you thereby "legalizuet" feelings of the child, give him to understand that his feelings are appropriate and natural in this situation. He does not need to hide them. If the child can freely Express their feelings: anger at parents for the destruction of the family, fear of separation, powerless to change anything, anxiety, sorrow, he does not need to Express it differently, using symptoms: loss of sleep, appetite, appearance the night terrors...
To find words
Speaking with your child about the divorce, be sure to tell me about why this is important. Not necessary to invent anything ("the Pope is more convenient to live with his mother, he works a lot" or "Dad went on a business trip"). Tell your child about how you met, about the best moments that you shared together, that you like each other. Explain to him that love does not always last forever. He will understand that, even if the love between his parents over, it still existed and that he was the fruit of this love. Be sure to tell your child that your case is not unique, it happens in many families, it's sad, but it happens.
Not saying that your marriage was a mistake and that apart you will be better for all. Even if it is for you, for a child the integrity of the family is really important, and it is not necessary to doubt this. Calm baby, don't say to him: "Mom and dad no longer love each other." Better say, "Our love as husband and wife ended, but I still love mom and dad". You leave as a couple, but still parents. For your child as you are still single. And he needs to maintain communication and relationships with each parent.
Tell him: "father (mother) is going to live in another house, but this is your house, too". Be sure to discuss with each other what mode you will see the child, do not let it slide. When you decide on the days and hours of meetings, discuss this with your baby, it must have a sense of stability, so it will be easier to come to terms with the separation.
Source:
Happy parents
No comments:
Post a Comment