First of all, let us agree. "Correctly" is to, on the one hand, not to hurt people, the blame of which is that he wants you, and you do not. On the other hand, in order not to provoke his aggression and attempted sexual assault. In short, a competent refusal of both soft and hard.
If feeling rejected suitor wouldn't bother you, or if you are a feminist and very posing of the question of provocation rape offends you to the depths of soul - don't read any further. If you don't like to hurt people when they can not be hurt; if you understand what stealing is, of course, always blame the thief, but it does not follow that a purse full of money should be left unattended, and, leaving the house, the door of the apartment better locked - then we have something to discuss.
Refuse gently.
Here we will need two quotes from the classics. The first of the "Theatre" Maugham: "there Are men who are easier to give than to explain why you don't want to." The second of the "Dog's heart". Remember, as Philip Philippic Transfiguration refused to buy the magazines in favor of the children of Germany, for fifty dollars a piece"? "I don't," and that was all his answer. And children, says, sympathize with, and fifty dollars is not bad, but don't want to.
No desire and reluctance does not require any explanations or excuses. Any "want" and "don't want" self-sufficient, and all attempts to argue, "rationalize", as psychologists say, will inevitably lead us into a logical trap. Especially if the cavalier was boring and one hundred ninth time sad whines over his ear, "well why don't you want? ". Worth getting scammed, and you will be forced to invent, compose the reasons for the refusal, and inevitably someone - he, you or, in extreme cases, external circumstances will be "guilty".
Look here. That really means "you are not high enough / beautiful / smart / clean-shaved"? it only means: "you do not fit me", in other words, return to source paragraph: "I don't want to." But the return ride on the self-esteem of a person. Another option is the classic "I'm tired / I monthly / headache". Then the applicant for your luxurious body will wait for all the hardships will pass and you will see that you lied. That is, again, undeservedly bad to him.
So throw these cat and mouse. "You're good, but I don't want to become your lover, let's remain friends", and anything more than this comes from evil.
By the way, the game of inventing explanations is perceived by men (although often they do it themselves and impose) as an attempt to bargain, to summon favorable terms on which you agree to give the desire "more expensive to sell themselves".
This is another reason why this game should not start.
And, of course, General rules of courtesy, tact and delicacy has not been canceled. In the end, the desire which you awakened is not the fault of the hapless suitor, even if it is not mutual, and compliment you with the most sincere, what it can be, and therefore deserves care and respect.
The exception to the rule "don't make excuses! "the relationship with her husband or with a constant lover. He, on the contrary, be sure to explain why you are not inclined to have sex "here and now". More precisely, to make it clear that in fact everything is in order, not to be lazy once again say that you still love and want and that he, of course, the most sexy man on earth, but better next time.
Refuse firmly.
When the word "rape" many imagine a dark alley, lonely, defenseless woman and the villain with a knife, spat at her from the corner. Fortunately, this stereotypical picture of statistically incorrect: in the vast majority of cases, the victim is familiar with their abuser. "Fortunately" because it means that we have the opportunity to defend themselves against attacks by fists, heels, teeth or a loud scream, but the words. And, most importantly, preventive action.
Women from time immemorial it was forbidden to take the initiative in romantic relationships, in particular, direct text to invite a man into bed. Flirting is a way to refill this injustice: "guess what I don't like to hear from you indecent proposal". However, sometimes we build our eyes solely for the sake of making eyes, without any plans for a joint Breakfast the next day. And like a poor man to guess, to offer sex or not to offer?
If you flirt just don't want to sleep with your application object "women's stuff" - check "geographical" boundaries, do it only on neutral territory. Don't go to his house (in a hotel room, in a Cabinet, when all other colleagues had already gone home) and not to invite.
Check the obvious bodily boundaries: the gentleman is easy to understand why you allow -- that kind kisses handle, but do not allow to climb under her skirt, but guess what under her skirt to climb you can, but under the underwear no longer problematic. Put time limits: not to stay with him too long, wherever it is. No need to give him an occasion to think that you expect him to action.
Otherwise, don't be surprised when he starts fighting. In nine cases out of ten it will end with a simple quarrel and fatal resentment of a man who cheated. But in the tenth, you will have to fight - see above - with fists, heels, teeth and a loud cry.
The rapist has no justification, but do not create greenhouse conditions for its vile nature is revealed in its entirety, you can!
Yes, and the most important thing. Don't mess with fools. They have no human explanation and failures do not understand. No, not in case of danger. Fool - not necessarily the aggressor, and the risk of attempted violence on his part not significantly higher than that of the smart. But to abandon the love of claims fool to not have to suffer from a severe attack of misanthropy, is almost impossible.
Source:
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