...Night. The curtain barely sways weak breeze. Very quiet. Hear the cat drinks in the kitchen water. Husband sleeps. I can't sleep. And thoughts are all some silly: baby sandals for the summer to buy, tomorrow do not forget the meat from the freezer to take out, to remind her husband that evening parent meeting. None would dream about something romantic, misty, soft - in short, something from another life... But never dreamed...And no wonder! What can dream of a married woman, which is all right? Yes about anything! What awaits her in the future? Ten or fifteen years - all the same, and then another, plus grandchildren. And all I Have to do something! In fact only thirty, because everything is still ahead. After all, should something happen that was what this most grandchildren to tell, so you can be feeling to sigh: "If youth knew, if age could..."
To do it right, but now what? And with whom: my husband, or...?
Let's start with the first point, that is, with her husband. He tested the time, mark, inside out, from head to toe, diagonally across. His toothbrush I know of thousands of others, his gait note in the wing may day demonstration, his sleepy sighs you hear in the rush hour in the subway car. He is predictable: a favorite theme on the barbecue - memories of the army, a favorite pastime - computer or book favourite thing to do is plan your vacation, lying on the couch, favorite sex three times a week. Another important advantage is his mommy's not annoying.
It cons: same as the pros, only with diametrically opposite intonation.
Now the second point, that is, Ya Good wife, caring mother, a loving wife that is willing to go on about almost any fantasy husband.
Disadvantages of object # 2: don't want to have sex three times a week. Want four or two, one or five.
What to say about the dot, that is item No. 3? Not here yet. Say Yes and I earlier thought so that it is possible to do without it. But in recent years has definitely had doubts:
- personal and family life are one and the same or not?
- is it true that the habit than is given to us and the replacement of happiness?
- the term "fun" is just a hike with her husband in a movie or something, but without a husband?
Who knows the correct answers to these tricky questions? Of course, those who are already answered.
Don't feel guilty...
Says Lyudmila, mother of twins and an exemplary wife with seven years of experience:
"Our office has a new employee - cute forty year old man with a wedding ring on her finger. All unmarried female part of the team perked up: someone has changed my hairstyle, someone (and I) started every five minutes to tint lips. But there was nothing special - the usual female stuff in the presence of interest unfamiliar men. Any far-reaching thoughts on closer acquaintance. In short, all very innocent. In a couple of weeks, when all the ladies came to the disappointing conclusion that he deeply married, a newcomer asked to hold it to the warehouse, which stores stationery. Happened to be that only at the time I was free... Barely door behind us slammed shut, he attacked me. Pressed to the wall, began to hug, to kiss, to whisper something stupid. From surprise I was confused, then tried to push him away and suddenly found myself thinking that I... appreciate that my indignant impulse quietly passed, and I is not something that can not resist, and, behold, horror, hugging herself it. I was so scared and confused, he began to weep. He apologized, offered his handkerchief and said, what about a woman like me, he dreamed of all my life. He knows that I am married, he is also married, and that's just fine - now our lives will be full Cup...
And so it happened. And Alex, and I love my family, love children, spouses. We are in no case do not want to hurt his family. But we don't want to hurt each other. We are well together. Our meetings are like a breath of fresh air, after which over the shoulders like wings grow. I now have all the strength and nerves, I don't grumble at children, always gentle and complaisant husband. I have a better look, even the mother-in-law is noted. Now I live a full life, every cell of his being. But the last time I've felt many years ago. And I don't feel guilty. That's just sometimes I do not want to go home..."
Somehow, it is believed that change only men. Maybe it was, but only a very, very long time. In those days, when a man came with "work" home with mammoth over his shoulder, and the fire rustled a harem bikini from the skins of bear.
The modern woman is very different. And, according to statistics, cheating on her husband, no less than her husband. But they do it at different times: if the man is usually Vestrit skis to the left in the beginning of married life, the wife is fond of doing this later, perhaps years after 6-8 after the wedding. However, not only this is the difference between cheating spouses.
The banal phrase that man by nature was appointed "to walk", has the real truth. So Nature has provided that the male subconscious from time to time or constantly alludes to his master that he must implement themselves - that is, not to give humanity to die out. We are not talking about feelings, not about the relationship is only one instinct and nothing more. The man is in the eternal search for the next female...
By the way, it is because of this instinct most of the men survive the cheating wives are much heavier than the wife - cheating husbands. And not because they have changed these specific women, but because they have lost in the competition with other males. Women do not fight, do not compete with each other in pursuit of the prize - superslam. Who ever heard of women's duels? But the male - very often! Even the men-turtles arrange marriage tournaments. By the way very cruel: opponents turn each other on the back and perish, because not able to get back on their feet.
All my life the stronger sex compete with each other. Including sex. And horns growing on their heads to prove the weakness of the owners of these goals. With this proof of living men is very difficult.
That looks "away from" woman?
It is clear that the end result of these searches for married ladies is well known, but not for him women are winding up on the left track. They were drawn to the fascinating beginning of the process, for him they are willing to pay such a high price - change husbands. And pay, quite forgetting that they are playing with fire. After all, those magical feelings for the sake of which was started and all whirling can play with their mistresses cruel joke, to defeat them.
Because first, just getting ready to leap into the maelstrom of passion, the woman realized that home is not so bad, just boring, depressing, and you just want to feel adored and desired. For some reason the woman does not come to mind to talk about your dreams with mother's husband, to explain itself or require explanation. Maybe because my husband is already too familiar, and not from the usual wait for a new one. A woman seeks and finds another, picks easy, non-committal affair. First, it is not love, but simply the desire to feel wanted, but then dream about new feelings, sensations becomes true feelings. And the woman suddenly quite unexpectedly discovers that she... fell in love.
And what she, bednarek, now do you? And who is to blame? On the one hand is quite stable family in which all love each other, appreciate, respect. With the ocean of passion (which, incidentally, can be married! )).
Why is a woman and a man willing to "go left", are in such different circumstances? And the fact that, unlike boys, girl sexual desire is awakened only in relation to a particular man. First she needed to see him, to be near him, then talk with him, to touch him. She trembles, she is hot and cold at the same time, it's worth it just to touch her. And finally, it appears the desire to the most intimate rapprochement: she wants to merge with him in one. For most women sex is closely related to love life.
Before you give the man a woman wants to know about him as much as possible. 80% of the fair sex will not enter into an intimate relationship with a man who does not love.
Quite another matter is the stronger sex: only a minority of them will refuse intimacy with a woman because it does not like. Much more often, just sex awakens in man the interest in the partner. Sexual need for men occurs regardless of the presence or absence of feelings to the object - this object is just there. They are worried about the appearance of naked women even on magazine pictures. By the way, the woman may like the most beautiful naked man, but sexually he is a little worried. That's why "Playboy" is not relevant for women.
And it turns out that cheating wife is more dangerous for the family than her husband's betrayal. Dangerous not only for her family, but also for the family of her lover. Because men are satisfied with the "left" sexual life, even when their partner does not respond to them appropriately, while women tend to Vaselinum intimate relationship and get pleasure from them only provided a wonderful relationship with her lover. That is usually that an apostate does not like a mistress. A traitor, as a rule, likes.
Interesting
From izmenit-wives takes more than 70% of men. Some immediately, "in fact", the rest - in a few years, but still go. But changed husbands leave only 30% of women.
By the way
The word "spouse" in translation from ancient Slavic means "sowparnika", that is hooked to one team, rather a cart life.
Note
Some psychologists believe that women are better than men, are able to conceal treason. Because girls first experience with the opposite sex is a relationship with the father. But the father is the man that belongs to the mother. And due to his love for the Pope not to lose a mother's love, she subconsciously tries to hide his relationship to the father.
There is an opinion
If family relationships are strained, mutual irritation spouses grows like a snowball rolling down a mountain, if tears disputes and grievances dim eyes, the betrayal may be the only salvation. It happens that "walk" on the outside, the couple come to the conclusion that their relationship is still not at an impasse, you can still fix it, they want to be together.
What can you do?
First, to analyze the reasons for "seditious" ideas. It can be:
a small panic, characteristic of attractive young women, aged over 30 years old; the first signs of aging they perceive painful ("end of my days"), and hence the desire to "have time" to enjoy life to the fullest;
- lack of affection and care from her husband; he does not say compliments, and hence does not support his wife's feeling that she is attractive and desirable;
- routine in family sex; marital obligations do not implement fully the full potential of female sexuality; it is known that the peak of sexual activity in men and women are not the same;
- example girlfriends that amaze respectable lesser black-backed gulls of his victories on the love front; so tempting, that too would like!
- boredom, monotony of life; nothing happens bright, new, and the soul asks thrill.
Secondly, honestly, which of these reasons is childish and don't deserve the right to become the real motive of specific actions. For example, podroikin example is rather weak excuse for infidelity. By the way, can she prihvastnut?
Thirdly, to understand what motive can (and should) to satisfy the other way. For example, the boredom and the monotony of "treated" with all sorts of Hobbies. From paintballing and skydiving to the NLP practitioner course and membership in the canine clubs.
Fourth, change what really needs to change. Native husband stopped paying attention, and sex with him is not what it used to? It is possible that the second is a consequence of the first. Because we love something, we, no matter how trivial, ears! In any case, do not close your eyes to the problem and be sure to talk openly with your spouse.
Fifth, accept what you cannot change. With age we are not getting any younger, it's a fact. But to accept it as it is, we can learn. Among your surroundings, certainly, there are more older women who, despite his age, very attractive. How did they achieve? You have yet to discover this secret! So you have something to do to distract yourself from foolish thoughts.
Advise women themselves
- Every month for a couple of days to go on a business trip - temporary absence in the bed of the native halves promotes the renewal of the senses.
- Talk with a friend, personally visited the campaign "left" and determine for yourself, you need this confusion or not.
- Make friends with a foreign man soul but not the body (for women emotional signs of attention is more important than physical contact).
- Go to the disco and soul to dance the whole evening - modern dances very sexy. They will help you realize the need to please the opposite sex.
To find a competent photographer and makeup artist and do a professional photo shoot where you are the beauty "with the cover of a fashion magazine. Your photos in stylish frames, you can decorate the walls of the house, you can apply your magnificent portrait on a t-shirt and gift it to her husband. You can make a collage and again to give your one and only man - wife. Let them appreciate what his wife!
- Go left once we really want to understand what this "left" is completely wrong direction.
After good sex with her husband to think about what the best is the enemy of the good.
Thank you for the assistance provided during the preparation of the material, family psychologist Elena Rybkina
The magazine "the World of family, No. 7-8, 2004
Author:
Velichko M
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