Child differs from the adult in the first place so that he is dependent. It depends on adults in many aspects of their lives: food, clothing, living conditions, quality of education - almost everything is determined by adults. And little man, acutely conscious of his dependence, in need of parental love. Because only love can guarantee that he will not be alone, without reliable protection in the face of parents. And the vast majority of parents love their children (extreme cases of dislike, and even more hatred for the child we will not consider).But parental love can be different. And the main difference lies in the answer to a fairly simple at first glance the question: for what the parents love the child?
The first option.
Baby I love..., I love it! Not for anything specific, but for the mere fact of its existence. He is the light in the window, the meaning of life, the highest achievement of their parents. They are proud of, even if he does not show special skills, no talents, no plays piano and does not know how to solve differential equation in the third class.
Such love is brilliantly portrayed in the movie "meet the Fockers". Yes, it's a Comedy, but it can be safely recommended for viewing to all parents who love their child. And not because of the artistic qualities of the film (they, frankly, do not reach the clouds), but as the manual - how to treat the child.
Terrific idea - "Wall of pride". In the world solely focused on achieving results, no matter even what methods, it is surprising to see on the wall a diploma for ninth place on the competition, the prize for the best preparation of boiled potatoes in a children's camp and so on. Looking at this wall, with various prizes, diplomas and cups, inevitably come to the conclusion that little Greg Fockers never showed exceptional abilities in any field. But the parents didn't care! They were proud of their son, regardless of the competition. They rejoiced in his ninth place as if he became a champion. And what is characteristic for this family happy.
The problem is if the child becomes the only meaning of life. If loving him is completely blind. And then at school have parents, Kandalama with the teacher because of the low valuation - they are convinced that the guilty teacher, he niggles to their beloved child, which, of course, is the collection of all known talents. Or banal situation - the broken window - turns into a real show for the whole yard. Because blame is, of course, not the child, who inadvertently played with the ball, or worse - haunted stones running through the pooch, and the box was so unsuccessful that came under the ball, or the dog that carries fleas.
Parents do not see that their love leads to permissiveness, they do not pay attention to the shortcomings of beloved child, moreover, did not take any measures to correct them. They love baby "as is". Person who grows up to be the result of such education, it is difficult to name an adequate member of society.
The second option.
Raise support in old age. Baby love, but it always slips one idea: "Honey, when I'm old, you wouldn't leave me? ". Child create what is called "all conditions", but in return requires that parents have always been in the first place. The child raising exaggerated sense of obligation to his parents.
When the child becomes an adult, any deviation from the intended parents life plan is accompanied by lamentations: "We're all done, and you...". Many faint of heart awakening conscience (or rather, a carefully cultivated sense of duty), and they meet the requirements of parents. In most cases - to its detriment. There are many unsuccessful marriages and divorces for the simple reason that the husband or the wife is more like a parent than a spouse, more listen to the parent view, all follow him.
Strictly speaking, these relations of parents to children can hardly be called love. More it resembles long-term loans, with mandatory return of the loan, and the interest on the loan not preferential.
Whatever argued such parents, they don't love your child, not interested in his happiness, but for his. And the child they need it as a guarantor of a peaceful life in old age (and sometimes not so old).
You often hear: "I am your mother! I bore, nursed, fed, clothed, taught! "and on this basis, put forward specific requirements. But if you think logically, it turns out that initially gave birth to no joy in life, and investment portfolio. So, today we put money buying certain stocks and bonds, and tomorrow begin to earn interest on these investments. A little like love. Unless it is to love yourself.
Third option.
Save the marriage. In this case, the child appears as a guarantee that the husband (at least - wife) is not going anywhere, not going to leave the family. And children love as a sort of weights on the leg wife. The slightest aggression towards (even completely innocuous, for example, assistance to parents) - and immediately brings to the fore the child: "how is he? I okay, I'll survive, but he? ".
The fourth option.
Catch up with last train. This option is parental love is widely spread in recent years, although previously met often. A child is not just a small man, but the chance to achieve what it could not achieve themselves. For example, a plumber, who dreamed of someday becoming a doctor, can cause your child to practice medicine, saleswoman, his dream of the raising of a career of Opera singer, drags her daughter to a music school and so on.
All served with sauce of love to the child. It's not the parents are trying to reach inaccessible peaks, they provide your son the best start in life. It is absolutely not taken into account and what the child wants? He is not a person, but only a means to an end.
When this child is not sure that it really love - children are very sensitive to such nuances. And love like he needs parental love and care. And the child begins to "earn" love - with any achievements, good grades in school diplomas at a sporting event and so on. It happens that all human life is spent in this "making of" parental love. All efforts are in vain! You cannot earn what is not. Unfortunately, many people understand it's too late, when life has already passed.
Characteristically, many children who grew up in conditions where parental love had to "earn" that subsequently become quite successful. They reach a certain height in the direction chosen (another "letter" to satisfy the vanity of the parents), but personally their success is very modest. It is from such people you can often hear phrases like: "No life...". And for them this is true - in spite of all external successes, they are really unhappy. When catching up past the train, there is neither time nor opportunity to stop and enjoy the beauty of the surrounding nature. And the train still goes faster than a running man.
Dear parents! Think - what do you love about your child? And love it? Maybe you really love, but in a relationship with him followed by some scheme that came, for example, from your childhood? It may be worthwhile to change the schema?
Dear children (especially now adults)! Think about what your parents love you? And love it? Maybe you will want to revise the scheme of relations with parents?
And let all families will be happiness, love and peace of mind!
Source:
School of life
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