Possible family life without conflict? What is the feminine wisdom and why is it important to compromise? ... Even the happiest couples sometimes quarrel. That is not the case, and to build relationships in the family without conflict - it happens, but very rarely. The question is, how to learn to go from conflict to a small misunderstanding turns into a huge scandal. The best option is to find a compromise solution that would satisfy both sides. If one of the parties made concessions remained convinced he is right, the problem is not solved and you will be faced with it again after a certain time.
The following behaviors are applicable not only for women but also for men. Moreover, they all doable, despite the apparent complexity.
Lord, please kindly pay attention to the following phrase! All the tips are purely Advisory in nature. And they fit you or not is up to you.
1. Learn to extinguish emotions. No conversation can't be constructive, until someone openly aggressive. It all depends on what result you want to achieve. If you simply drain - shout to health, but don't wait that someone you will "hear". If there is a particular goal, then the emotions aside, calm down and only then we start a serious conversation.
To suppress emotions is not as difficult as it seems. I for this purpose use a simple method, which was invented in his youth. In these moments begin to look at the situation from the outside, kind of like a movie: Yes, the main character sympathetic, worried for him, but it's not you, therefore, analyze its problems peacefully. The first time might not happen. But after a few "training" this method works just fine.
2. Not acrucial itself. Sometimes, the husband (or wife) for a couple of hours from work was delayed, and during this time, why not just come up from a car accident and ending with another woman. By the time he comes back home everything is ready for the scandal doorstep. Therefore, while it is not, and cheat gone, remember the first item and will extinguish emotions in the Bud. Freed from this unproductive classes time to try to understand why you are so anxious and that really feel.
You will be surprised when you realize, based on your emotions. First, it may be a fear: the fear that you will throw fear that something will happen, fear that you have become interesting to him, etc. secondly, resentment, based on their own selfishness. The most frequently used expressions in these cases: "I have spent the best years! "He ruined my life! ""I live for him, and he does not appreciate! "in General, "Holidays in Prostokvashino" - "I am because of him sleepless nights, and he was on the train is leaving! ".
Then imagine that he walks in the door and think about what you no longer want to yell at him or hug? If to scream, then, emotions are still left - turn off further. As if to hug, and do, when he will return. At the same time I can honestly, but calmly tell him about what you were worried/angry. I know from experience that after this he will call and warn that lingers. By the way, against children, especially uncontrollable teenagers, this method also works.
3. Correctly choose the time for serious discussion. Do not climb under the hot hand. See that man came home from work irritated, and you to him urgent serious conversation formed will reschedule the conversation. Anything good he is at the moment not to end. And again I remind you: do not start such talks until he's hungry, sleepy, busy with something, and even more if it came under shave".
4. Analyze the situation and try to find a reason not to deal with the consequences.
Sometimes cause irritation does not lie on the surface, and slowly crawls towards the subconscious, to be reborn there in the next "cockroach". This occurs most often in cases where the offense was not spoken words, the reason why it was erased from short-term memory, but did not disappear.
Remember, went once to visit his mother, he stayed there until late. On the way home, understand that both are very tired, and cases still to be done: children need to atone, to feed and put to bed, and in addition in the sink mountain of dirty dishes left. On the way, agree that I deal with children, and the husband utensils. All done, go into the kitchen and see what dishes to wash and no one was going. Hurt, of course, swept in the same second: we agreed! The dishes he washed the next morning woke up angry and began to find fault with every little thing. I went to him with one hand, the other Parcival. For dinner could not resist and asked what happened. H tried to analyze the morning upon awakening. In the end, exhausted and decided this conversation to be postponed. And only another two hours later he came up to me and happily said:
"I remembered why angry. Remember when we from the mother's back, my head ached, and you made me wash dishes!..
Now try and guess! The reason remained in yesterday, and the irritation went in today".
5. Quarrel to because of the particular broken plates.
This is not my invention, D. Carnegie once in his youth read. How often are we starting a quarrel, for example, scattered throughout the room service, recall the husband or child all of the sins for the last six months! And little conflict grows to immense proportions. Don't go off topic: limit to a specific fault. All that was in the past. And therefore forgot about it and do not remember.
6. Do not pile them. Discuss each question as it arises, you should not wait until they will be going a lot. Not worth it for one time to discuss some urgent problems. The best option is one problem on one conversation. Managed to fix it and come to a compromise, in a day or two move on to the next, not Recalling the previous one. Perhaps in the beginning there will be many, over time, these conversations will become rarer, and you will be able to completely calm the whole evening talking about nothing or to mind their business.
7. Not sativa resentment and not coltivirus in itself a guilt complex. Both of these feelings are very similar, quite destructive and are solely within ourselves. Realized this after one event. Met a man with whom we talked about fifteen years ago and then never saw each other. He took me aside and began to apologize. It turned out that he believes that once caused me a serious offense to some stupid joke, released in my address, and suffering all these years. And not that I was not offended by it then, but this story didn't remember! And what happens? We are experiencing nervous, blasted himself, but man lives quietly, nothing suspecting. Someone from this bad? Of course, us!
Well, theoretically clear. And what about practice?
About the offense to speak, but quietly, without hysterics. Typically, this output. It often happens that the offence is extinguished at the moment, until her speak aloud. 't shout, speak, mind you. With guilt a little differently. I remember as a teenager I had the choice of the father. I then realized that I had the choice, and in that moment it seemed to me that I was absolutely right. Because of this trick father hit me. I ran to my grandmother cried. She would listen to me, patted on the head, and then said, "Well, you're younger, you should apologize." How! I was offended, and I still need to apologize! Then I calmed down, through crossed himself and went to the father. Asked his forgiveness, and he suddenly picked up and I asked. And so easy I felt! After this incident can safely before the other person to apologize (not necessarily in front of her husband): I will kill you, and it is easier for him to reconcile to go.
8. Don't fuck yourself up to abuse. An example for me is the relationship grandparents of my husband. People who survived until Golden wedding, in rare moments of quarrels always called each other was Tamara and Mikocka!
9. During the conversation, step away from the ironic remarks and sarcastic comments. Sometimes even insult not words, but the tone, which delivered some point. For this also you need to follow. Remember, probably the old joke: the son has sent a letter (sarcastically) "Father, out of money! ". There would just write: "Father, come out of the money".
10. Not make hysterics. Hysteria is a form of manipulation. Do this not only women but also men, only women for this purpose there are special weapons. For anybody not a secret that most men can't stand women's tears, and to stop this mess, ready to accept any terms of surrender. This method is practiced by many women, not thinking about the fact that the problem will return as soon as the tears will dry. You never know what he promised! You forced him to make that decision. There OMON terrorists and Blackmailers in the time of the negotiations is also a lot of promises!.. So, with situations where the cause is solely for you, sort of figured out. And what if a fight starts better half?
If the initiator is not you or how to repay others ' emotions
1. The principle of Holy water. Grandmother once advised: "If the husband because of something wound up, began to cry out, put in the mouth of the Holy water and hold it until it vigorita". If not under the hand of the Holy - from the tap is fine. If swallowed, immediately climb the next portion. The main thing is not to blurt out something in between. People simply cannot talk to myself. Hear what he has to say in a fit of emotion, but not immediately respond. Let the rest go. Select a time when the mood it will fit a Frank conversation. And then they can talk. Yes at the same time and will calm down, 'll consider it.
2. Custom actions cooled. Husband taught by his example. I sometimes will start to grumble about something, and he at this moment suitable, laughs, kisses the top their heads and said gently: "Beheloka you are mine! " After this quarrel for some reason don't want. Was one such case: the dishes broke in anger. On Valentine's Day received the gift of a set of plates of Bohemian glass. As pity them now to beat. Because her husband is unlikely that you will convince to treat you kindly in the time of your outbursts of anger, take this way to his score against him. Maybe after some time it will get that it is easier and more convenient.
Also a very effective method when passions run high, to take a quiet tone jump for a few seconds to another topic. For example: "Pour me a Cup of tea, please" or "You couldn't cover the window, and then I froze". First, so you give a person to understand that your angry tone applies only to discuss the issue and everything else is not covered. And secondly, people cannot think two thoughts at the same time, and by the time you return to the interrupted conversation last thought will be repeated. Also, notice, quietly. Emotions had gone out, and so they again reached the peak, you need some time.
3. Don't hang on to the words.
Very often taken out of context, the phrase can have a completely different meaning. And if this phrase is uttered with malice, your scandal will be quite successful. So try again to remember the purpose of your conversation - to quarrel or to achieve a specific result and do not provoke the strengthening of the negative emotions of the interlocutor.
4. Don't take anything personally. Sometimes cause irritation may be in an entirely different place: trouble at work, quarreled with each other, the car hit the clerk in the store choice - but you never know... you, that is, the light wedge has converged? There are plenty of people around willing mood to spoil.
It turns out that with the right approach and foreign aggression can be minimized. So take care of each other, so you do not have to regret that life has passed without love. Because we have not so much time for happiness...
Author:
Lagutina C.
Source:
Леди@Mail.ru
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