Favorite forgot about your anniversary? Rude for no reason? Maybe a friend has not fulfilled promises and is very touched you? Then you need to take revenge! What is revenge?
Revenge is returned pain. We someone hurts - and in response I want to give a date. Not very important, specially people so we have been treated or was it an accident. The fact remains: we are in pain and this pain I want to get rid of. But to return openly and directly the pain offender is somehow not Christian. It's wrong, it's not approved by society. After all, when we deliberately inflicted pain, we become cruel and evil. Yes, in principle, is the path to the rupture of relations. Because delivery may exceed the initial investment. And then the offender will have the right to return the surplus our revenge. Like a snowball: pain is becoming more and more.
And then we refuse to retaliate openly: we do it unconsciously, quietly. Sometimes through someone - and again unconsciously. And in this case again we get a snowball: because our offense is not reduced. Only accumulates. Someone told us offensive phrase that time we did not find what to answer, then threw out our anger on some third party - and a wave. Often we don't even notice! Well, joked friend about you, what is offensive? Friends will not be offended. And you ain't offended, I laughed with everyone. However, next time your joke about him, Oh, how sharp it turned out, and it's completely random! And then another, and her man of the house was rude for no reason. And so it happens: we do not notice their feelings, do not allow them to live, they pile up and then find the exit. Only we have no control over this process. Because time failed to notice that it hurts us or hurt.
How to get out of this circle?
There is an opinion that it is enough just to stop revenge, not to return the pain. But, first, it is not so easy to do. And secondly, it upsets the balance in the relationship. Balance is one of the most important components of partnerships. If it is not - then there is a pressure. And now imagine: one something done, put your contribution on the scale relations, bowl bent. And the second is nothing in the answer does not. And the scales are not aligned, harmony no.
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If one of the partners, for example, changes or goes away - it's obvious pain for another. Do not return this pain openly is to lock her inside. Wait for the news through third parties and enjoy tijuco (it's not good! ) that the offender lives is not very well formed. What is the solution? Output - revenge. As strange as it sounds - but you need to back pain at the address. But only to return it is not the same, not more, but less. To do this consciously, to get pleasure from it (this is required! Otherwise the effect will not) Say to yourself: "Yes, I did! Balance restored, justice has been done". And the account is now equal between you. Maybe partner will again do something hurtful. And again you get, and then back pain a little less than he've made. And thus pain in the relationship will become less and less because with each submission you reduce. And the moment will come when you will not share grievances, and love. In this case, if the relationship is important, and you want them to continue. And if you want to put the point simply to take revenge and enjoy it!
And one more thing. When we openly resent - we save our partner from guilt. Because he understands what he has done and how we tricky. And really - to take revenge, this is to some extent to let go. To make space in my soul for something new. Only vengeance with the mind.
Source:
The Central relationship
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