Recently, my seven year old son, small and four teeth, came home from school, and it was obvious that he just bursts from the news.After fifteen minutes of dancing around (boys love mystery, but do not know how long to keep a secret), he blurted out in one breath: "Mom, today I kissing love on the lips with Anya, and we decided to do it every day."
The first reaction was terribly funny. Second - Yes, how dare she, this Anya, kiss my boy. Somehow cope with the flood of emotions, I asked, did. Son, thinking, replied that Yes, perhaps, I liked it. And in turn asked, kissing if I was at his age.
And then I realized with horror that not only kissed, but didn't think about boys, as human beings, to twelve years. They were, anyone bullies, Twoness, TNS, four-eared fools - but not boys. Consulted with her husband: he broke away from the burgers, made the amazed eyes and shook his finger at his temple: "Girls? In seven years? Yes you that! Around and it was so interesting".
Mother son and father daughter
As it generally turns out that the little person you have recently planted per pot and fed with a spoon, seriously talking about love, experiences, writes in clumsy letters notes and gives his Princess a bun with poppy seeds from the school cafeteria? We somehow think that all the horrors and delights of first love our children far away in time that "they still early".
In fact, the first children love happens very early, years 2-3, and the objects of that love - we, the parents (hi Freud! ). Boys fall in love with moms and girls dads, and this is perfectly normal. We for them - the closest and perfect people. And very often you can hear from the kid: "When I grow up, I'm sure you marry". This love goes pretty quickly, but it is very important for personal development. By and large, we're moms and dads we lay in our children the way of the future partner, demeanor and relationship type.
No wonder that among women in the course of this advice: "I Want to know which one will make the husband look how he treats his mother". I have met men, perfect in all respects, but it is not able (and even afraid to build relationships). Now, 70 percent of them, remembering childhood, talking about the same thing - that felt nedolyublennosti due to lack of attention and constant accusations like "you cry like a girl", "you're the mattress, and not man" or "all-around normal, you alone I do not know what". Naturally, this attitude creates a huge complexes in each new woman such a man will subconsciously see his critical mother, and again and again to experience similar stresses he has no desire. If the boy grew up in a family where the mother was strongly on the sidelines and all were subordinate to the husband, it may be formed disdainfully patronizing attitude toward women in General.
Girls another problem. If she is insecure, it will look in the satellite replacement father (especially if they were close and trusting relationship). If the father was a hard, harsh and all forbidden, then it is likely that in the future his daughter will try to "do his own thing" and men will be treated in advance cautiously.
Simple things
Generally have some kind of "Golden mean" in the upbringing of the child, because there is no perfect families. We can affect children only by their personal example, daily, laborious, gradually. Starting with little things, when we ask the son to help carry the bag, or ask him to give way to the metro elderly woman. When explaining to her daughter that daddy is tired and needs his rest, or cook dinner together.
But we should not hide from the children and the harsh truth of life". They should be aware that conflicts can arise between loving people - the main thing to overcome them. That is, to solve not shouting, accusations and exchange of claims and constructively, pronouncing any problem, if possible, calmly. I have a friend of the family, where any showdown when the child is taboo. Everything happens behind closed doors and in a whisper. But the child still feels voltage (children - very strong empathy), can't understand what happened, and starts all over yourself to blame (mom and dad are sad, but they don't fall out, so it's something I did wrong).
For a child it is very important to know what, how and why. And some elementary things - those which begin with the relationship, it is necessary to explain, although it is quite difficult. Once my son was three got into a fight with a girl (and was defeated, by the way). Subsequent educational dialogue turned out to be quite absurd, as the conversation between Alice and the Black Queen. "Girls can't be beat. Why? Because they are weaker. This is not weaker. "I can't, because they can't hit back. And she gave me change. - Well, just remember that girls not to offend. "Why not? And so on to infinity. Next the mother of the victorious girls explained why girls shouldn't fight with the same success.
Then I changed tactics: whenever told real or invented story from his childhood with the obligatory moral at the end. And connected to these stories husband. We remembered all the boys and girls who once hurt us, helped us, was friends with us, quarrel, and that was then, and how it all ended. The son listened very carefully because they were stories about us, living real parents. Six months later I noticed that he had quite deliberately out of conflicts with girls (in their own way - turns around and leaves). Six months later he was with the girls to make friends and proudly told that it has been adopted even in the game "mothers and daughters" (though only as "son").
In General, when your child is small, to instill in him the Princess or knight suit any examples of your personal, from books or cartoons, children almost always associate themselves with positive characters, I have never met a child who would like to be like own Karabas Barabas or one of the harmful Solusinya sisters. It is important that these examples are not rachodes with what the child sees around him in the family. Because it is here that the foundations of personality - the older it becomes our baby, the less we can influence it.
First love
We all wish our boys and girls have grown beautiful, intelligent, caring, confident, reliable, loving. And try to give them only the best. Why is it that around us so much CADS, serv, Samodurov, the selfish, Nahalat (the list goes on ad infinitum)? Hardly my parents wanted to see them in the future that way.
We think that "adult life" begins sometime later, not soon. Actually it starts as soon as our baby is poured into the society is in the garden, then to school. And we're not the most important to him: now he brings his neighborhood buddies, classmates, friends, teachers.
Many parents complain that with the receipt, for example, in school son or daughter has changed dramatically - and not for the better. But they, by and large, there is no choice: if they don't adapt in the class or group will not accept the common rules of the game, their life will become a nightmare. And even first-graders understand it.
In 6-7 years, our children already know how they are different from each other. At this age they start to really be divided into boys and girls and discover new opposite worlds.
We first baby love sometimes seem funny and touching, and unreal, but they gradually teach our children to build relationships with others. In the first class trudge such a love affair, which would have envied the Madrid Royal court. And this is the easy time, because of affection of our boys and girls so far, purely emotional.
But even at this time they can cause pain and, quite deliberately. And it is very important not to laugh at the child, who "rejected", and to support him, to explain what happens in life, but then sure to be something different and much better. Because of the hurt girl who decides for himself that all boys - bastards can really grow the bitch who will avenge all the children's resentment. And "thrown" boys narcissistic egoist who believes that "the weaker sex" unworthy of his attention.
Children grow up very quickly. And we find it difficult to accept the fact that they already live their lives separate from our. But this does not mean that they do not need our support. In seven years, the child tells us all, and most importantly - do not freeze in him the desire to share with us not only happy, but also sad things. Unless you have a trust, you will always be able to help him. Even in the most complicated love situation.
... And Anya threw my son a month. It turned out she kissed him for a loaf with poppy seeds, and then rolls her tired. It also happens. Now the son kisses from Rachael, and I hope not because he gives her to write mathematics.
Author:
Leshchenko Yu
Source:
Леди@mail.ru
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