Some are afraid of heights, spiders and dentists. Other such nice things as love. They do do not admit to themselves and at the same time dreaming of marriage.From time to time you are worried only about the fact that the number of attempts to establish relations with men you do have a little more than success. More and more, "well, couldn't" or "no fate". On the ground of permanent love failure often develops and more prone to depression. Or an inferiority complex, if you start to blame yourself: appearance, character, mom and dad and the gene pool of the nation as a whole. Or, what's even less pleasant, and generally was angry at the opposite sex. And to get out of the maze of problems without the help of a psychologist would be difficult. Therefore, to know the enemy in the face and neutralize on the outskirts of the task extremely important. For the beginning try to honestly look at yourself - it does not sit in the depths of the soul this seemingly naive and unsophisticated installation as "waiting for the Prince on a white horse". Of course, not necessarily white - there might be options down to a black one, but the principle is the same. By themselves, these expectations are pretty complicate life, but if you're eyes are afraid to raise per person, lovely you, preferring to walk the "impregnable beautiful lady" - it.
The genius of pure beauty
It all started in my childhood when my mom would read to you the tale of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and other wonderful talented girl, and my dad had to restless daughter for the whole day cartoons or children's romantic tale, only to not play with you, and calmly reading a newspaper. This is done without any bad intent, but only out of habit or even the simplicity of my heart. And then in the minds of the girls is already far not a children's issue.
Romantic emotions on the screen or on the pages of fairy tales seem so beautiful, that you begin to worry in earnest. Girls associated with love the most-the greatest happiness in life, leaving no chance of any friendly conversation, or even ice cream. While the implementation is stabilized on a point somewhere in the future when I become an adult and beautiful" that has all the chances there and hang for life.
Some thought such tales themselves: with him in the lead role, and some mysterious Prince, always beautiful and, of course, noble. Then, "you little" and imbued with the idea that your life will certainly be a large and bright fabulously beautiful love. They seemed to be nothing wrong, but it still appears the division boys by "princes" and "princes". Guess in which category people more? About all the "no princes" your opinion refocused and transmits them to the left on the Board. And those few who complex system scan allowed to go beyond the watchtower, will be no less deplorable fate of gradual disillusionment. And just because he has a baseball cap on his head, and not the crown.
"Not the princes do not disturb
Worst of all, throwing the bar unearthly happiness above the belfry of the girl still associates it only with love. The joy of friendship, travel, sports, creativity is obviously below. Always something lacking. Not happened in 16 or 18 years, the love becomes so unrealistic obsession that 25-30 years purchases characteristics and extent of pathology. The time is coming... And where?! You almost don't notice that half the possible candidates for the unearthly happiness simply deterred by its coldness.
Woman expecting Prince, like ready to jump the cat behind her can frolic herds of mice, it is to stare at the mink. In other words, waiting for something impossible, naive fenced off from the world a blank wall and are afraid to enter into your life anything imperfect. However, this is not the whole problem, because sooner or later Planck gradually reduced. But the problem remains.
And can't get, and throw a pity
How to identify the person affected "fear of love" from the crowd? Very simply, these people show the opposite gender indifference. Of course, they're still waiting, sitting on the top of Olympus, what's on the sides-it is all in vain to look around? Within such a "disinterested" can boil the real Shakespearean passion with a full analysis of "who looked at me". Showing coldness, people with fear of love is very sensitive to the opinions of others about themselves, especially if they are all cute. He becomes dependent on foreign estimates, at full speed develops anxiety hypochondriac syndrome is when each thrown into the air the phrase: "Here's a monster! "is immediately applied themselves and it turns out just right.
Due to busy gazing into things such reinsurer sees all the actions of others indifference to him. Moreover wants him to see. Fictional or real, but this indifference to hurt starting to hurt. "I don't need anybody. Nobody loves me" is a typical findings that a woman can do. And to those who really like her, she's even more vigilant, as guided by the thought: "God forbid, he decides that I fell in love with it! Here's another! " Hard and thumbed his nose.
Ends all full confidence that "love is something unattainable, from another world, and in my life it will never come".
From the frying pan into the fire
And what happens when someone more bold and open, than our razmeschena heroine, will suddenly come and say: "I love you! "? It has happened! Though not perfect Prince, but love. Now break out the fanfare and the air will be soaring fireworks...
No, noisemakers! The thing is that people with fear of love simply will not know how he would react to such a statement. He was accustomed not to trust the world, he has lost between reality and speculation, that is, it is already a little inadequate. Hearing the sacred words, the woman is terrified to turn and run faster than Olympic champion on a hundred-meter race. In the truest sense of the word! And running it will be the faster, the better refers to the person, from whose lips broke three fateful words. If she was not a little in love, a cold shower of icy contempt in the young person is provided. The absurdity of this behavior for you the obvious? Switch off the autopilot and take control of the flight itself!
From childhood
When as a little girl, you said: "I don't want to play with this boy - he is bad, I don't like it", you're already signaled their parents about what's in your head a certain way, the ideal boy. And you are ready to communicate with him. And this is a real boy, if he were a three times world champion in drawing the fine, it is completely not similar and therefore doesn't fit. This little phrase has already made it clear that there is a problem, which in the future might evolve to "fear of love".
Already 9 years old, when children begin to have trouble communicating with the opposite sex, and up to 12-14-year in the subconscious mind of the child is formed of an abstract collective image of the future chosen one. The girl prepares herself to the pleasures of a romantic relationship, thereby shifting responsibility for your happiness on the shoulders yet disembodied ideal. In five years the poor, who will try to shoulder this burden on themselves, will inevitably SAG under its oppression.
Save an average Cinderella
The first thing to do is, so to speak, of the classics. To recognize the problem. Look, whether your reaction to what you actually feel. If you like people - does it reflect your behavior? Or do you prefer to play in the "Snow Queen", leaving him to wonder about your location on the Daisy.
To conquer your own fear, psychologists are advised to learn to act against him - as if you are not afraid of anything. Sounds, of course, almost impossible, but nevertheless many succeeded. The main thing - desire! And the best incentive than their own happiness, not to think. So I have to learn.
1. Act "small steps"
. For example, in the morning prepare myself for what was going to happen. "Today I will greet him first. And smile". Or: "I will no longer refer to it: "Hey, you, the Manager number two hundred and forty-e ight", but only by name. And so continue until, until you reach the mark with: "adequate response", "good relations" or "friendship".
2. Let yourself cool down
. If at times you panic and you're ready to run aimlessly - simply move the scheduled event tomorrow. Only not "tomorrow", "next week", namely in the short term. Every time remind myself that fear is now normal. You act through force, stepping "through can not", their relatives and favorite stereotypes. A little fear of the unknown is normal.
3. Awesome sense of humor. Through the prism of laughter many problems are hollowed out, and sometimes be solved by themselves. If sometimes not to laugh, perhaps someone from the friends homotoxic will be able to support you.
4. Learn to forgive errors. A little clarification is to forgive myself for my mistakes. Even if everything was not perfect - I don't blame myself or others. Blame circumstances! This time did not have luck in the cards!
5. Be open and friendly with everyone. And those "to your taste", and with those he does not comply. No one knows where it will turn the Fate. Perhaps those who have not previously entered in thy sight, and be best friends or lovers.
How terrible to live!
Smart, beautiful, lonely...
Secure relationships
According to the magazine "Prevention", October 2009
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