About sexual orientation it is common today to speak openly. "Hetero" or "Homo" - we have the right to choose. But there is a third way, which is unusual, often hidden from prying eyes: such a choice... just don't do. What if the sexual ambiguity lurks in each of us? Now Elena lives with a man. Two years ago, her companion was a woman. As far as she remembers, she was always attracted to both sexes. In the 16 years she decided that she was a lesbian, because a woman made love for the first time. "The guys I physically pulled, but they all seemed to be so blunt! I agreed to consider myself a lesbian, because I landed on this label. But I never consciously chose either Homo or hetero". Today, the love list, a 32-year-old Helena men as much as women. She believes that with this unusual experience was maintained composure only because he was able to speak frankly about their sex lives with friends. "In our company it's never been considered by some shift, " she explains. I always felt entitled to love as required by my nature".
Alarming difference
Contraceptives, free love, gay pride parades - the sexual revolution is now regarded as a fait accompli. Along with the dominant heterosexual model in our time, it is recognized and the other homosexual. But still thorny third way - one that paved bisexual, protecting their right to choose, the right to love men and women equally in different times or simultaneously. "In our society, bisexuality is often understood only as depravity, thirst experiment where it is not necessary, " says sociologist and sexologist Igor Kon. - Many are not ready to abandon binary logic, which assumes that between Homo - and heterosexuality nothing else".
But things are not so simple. Already in 1940-ies Alfred Kinsey (Alfred Kinsey), American biologist and author of large-scale sexological research, argued that each of us has sexual behaviour exist in a continuous range from hetero - to homosexuality, and mid his link is bisexuality. But now, sixty years later, not only in Russia but in the West, few people dare to be open about his bisexuality. "For straight people I'm gay, which just trust to admit, " says 30-year-old Anton. And for the gay traitor and renegade. If you're not like others, if you don't take someone's side, you always look askance".
The elusive mid
"Study of bisexuality is not an easy task, continues Igor Kon. - It is not only in the delicacy of the subject, but in that it comprises a variety of barely related phenomena. So, there is no evidence that the sexual practice of bisexual men and women should be equal. Moreover, at some period of his life attraction may only be distributed to men, other women only. Another difficulty is to distinguish the actual sexual feelings from others. For example, what will be more in a rush to the representative of her sex - sensual desire or need in a friendship? "
What a woman wants...
"Female bisexuality modern society is more tolerant than men, " says Catherine Dean. - Firstly, because women in General are more willing to acknowledge his bisexuality than men who tend to hide it. And secondly, because lesbian love is one of the most common fantasies of heterosexual men". "Men are more tolerant relationship between the two women, because they just can't think of what lesbian love is a serious business, with a smile agrees Igor Kon. They don't understand: how can you make love with someone who has no penis? But seriously, men refuse to identify themselves with gay men, but many of them excite caressing each other women because they can primality himself a third party to this action".
In other words, all bisexuals are different. They differ from each other and a way of life, and how they perceive themselves. "Most people who have a bisexual experience, consider themselves to be either Homo-or heterosexual, " says anthropologist Catherine Dean (Catherine Deschamps). Partly because these two categories are more recognized by society, and because attracted to both men and women expressed them in different proportions. It becomes clear that just having sexual relations with men and women for the formation of bisexual identity is not enough".
Conversely, some feel bisexuality although support exclusively hetero - or homosexual relationships. These people recognize that they are attracted to both men and women, but not moved to action. "One disapproving attitudes towards this practice simply does not allow to Express their preferences, " explains Igor Kon. Although for other bisexual sympathy can be a "cover" a transitional stage between not meeting their heterosexuality and homosexuality, which the person is not yet ready to admit it".
Anton was convinced that he was gay until 25 years of age are not met Vic. "Before that I had seen in his erotic fantasies of men, " he admits. Vika was the first woman that I really fell in love. I myself was surprised occurred then the desire and was amazed how naturally I felt when we were in bed for the first time. Vic, what is called, opened my eyes, but I think it just helped me discover a duality that I had suppressed".
Valeria, housewife, mother of two children, the first time he spent the night with a woman in 42 years. Her marriage was on the verge of collapse, and the solace she found in the arms of Anna, lesbian. "In my youth, I was in love with one woman, - says Valery, " but since then, nothing felt. When I met Anna, I suddenly thought: why parents called me a name that is given to men and women? Maybe they have put into it some of his androgynous fantasy? " After her divorce from her husband of Valeria was close with other men. And with other women too.
To love men, love women
"Of course, are two different things: when I embrace the person with the same body as you, or completely different, " says Elena. And relationships are built differently. With women more sensual, more pleasure because we know our body, as a man will ever know, just because he is different. From men I want just what I was missing. In their caresses more impatience, poses a more complex, even with elements of acrobatics in bed because many men aspire to "feats".
Whether Elena, Anton and Valeria certain preference to be with a man or woman? "No, " says Valeria. Relationships are very different, but they complement each other." My male and female components are always manifest in different ways, " says Anton. "I can't say that with a man feel more masculine and a woman is more feminine, sometimes it happens, sometimes otherwise. I only know that better Express themselves in what they love and men and women".
Will be back if we're all bisexual, if, as Elena, allow ourselves to Express the desire for such" simultaneously with "attraction to another" or, as Anton, show your masculine and feminine essence? "No, " with confidence meets Igor Kon. Even if the society will change attitudes towards bisexual, they are unlikely to be more. Because our sexuality is primarily attributable to our mental organization, unique to each person".
Identification with parents
From the point of view of psychoanalysis, a certain degree of bisexuality exists in a latent state in each of us and occurs as a result of our early identification with both parents. In the early twentieth century, Freud formulated the concept of "psychic bisexuality, that is," the idea that each sex they have some features typical for the opposite sex". He believed that each of us has masculine and feminine, and attributed these concepts to one of the most intricate. "The fact that there are homosexual heterosexual fantasies (or Vice versa), does not mean that he will implement them, - says Igor Kon. - Balance of personality is based on the implementation of some fantasies and suppressing others". In any case, we need to listen carefully, to try to know myself better, so that our sexual behavior is more consistent with our actual desires. "Bisexuality cannot try on as fashionable clothes, " says Anton. - Harmony in sex can be found only if you listen to your heart. No matter what my sexual partner male or female. The most important thing is that we have combined the love".
According to the magazine "Psychology", No. 43, November 2009
Author:
Gridneva N., Severskaya,
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