The situation in which you regularly take on extra responsibilities in the workplace, when you find it difficult to refuse, even if asked or required to do what you should not do, is quite common.
It significantly complicates the workflow, because you have to do unplanned things, load increases, increasing fatigue, slower performance and interest in the work.
Everything added chronic anger at colleagues and themselves, and the sense that you use. In this regard, to refuse colleagues or superiors is a question of personal and professional importance.
The inability to say "no" can be of two types:
- situational
- chronic
How do they differ and how to fight them?
Situational inability to say "no" and not to take unnecessary may be caused by the following reasons:
the lack of clear and specific understanding of their duties
Often the employee is unable to say "no" has no idea what he should and should not do. Sometimes this is due to the responsibility of the employee and the fact that he for some reason does not specify their duties.
Sometimes this is due to corporate standards: work in the organization is built so that no one knows exactly, is responsible for what.
In this situation, you can ask them to tell you how a separation of duties between employees in the company, and to insist on clarification, clarification, specification and separation of duties, as it affects your efficiency and productivity.
- fear of being branded a bad worker
Sometimes the inability to say "no" due to fear to impress incompetent and inept employee.
It may seem that the more cases you will be able to do, the more responsibilities you will be able to perform, the better will demonstrate their skills, abilities and performance.
However, the employee will be always evaluated on several indicators, and skills are not always the main criteria on which the employee advance your career, increase your salary, pay the premium, respect, love and appreciate.
Surely you are aware of examples where professional years sitting in the same place, just because he's too comfortable here to guide and to all the staff.
Therefore, it is important to understand that there are a good worker and has a comfortable worker. Supporting his behavior the second position, you run the risk of never being the first.
- fear of being branded a bad person.
This fear can be associated with two drivers:
low self-esteem. In this case, the execution of whose work is for you "purchase" a good attitude, - that you are not treated badly;
failure by you is perceived as rejection, rudeness.
This may be caused by the fact that in your experience
the failures were personal colored and was a rejection.
The difference between failure and rejection are as follows:
- denial - "I don't want tea,"
- rejection - "I don't want your tea".
Failure is not identical with the rejection, and he can be polite and tactful. Here are some acceptable form of denial: "If I take your case, we will not fulfill his, and this is unacceptable", "I'm very upset that I can't help you," "I See that you have a lot of Affairs, however, and I'm in the same situation, will be happy to help you when I'm free," "I hear that you need help, but at the moment I can't help you".
You absolutely do not have to explain what you're doing, to justify its refusal to come up with reasons why not able to satisfy the request colleagues. To say "no" without explanation is the inalienable right of every person.
If colleagues is really a request, it must provide for the refusal. If your colleague does not accept failure, then it is not a request, but a requirement.
If the request colleagues is, in your opinion, manipulative, especially the refusal should be concise, because the manipulators force us to explain and seek to explain the gap. In the manipulative process of dialogue, you may find that things you are not so important that time still stand, and you're not so tired as he is.
If you don't have to do, but you don't want to fill that time doing someone else's work, not ulite, do not lie, say it straight: "Yes, I had a break and I really need to relax. When I will have the opportunity to fulfill your request, I will do it".
If the extra responsibilities proposes to perform the head, you have the right to check, payable whether such work as is considered and encouraged the work, which is not included in your responsibilities.
The failure can be explained by the fact that doing so many things, you lose performance, because there is a limit to the powers and possibilities. If you switch now to a new job, you will not be able to run current.
Offer to understand, appealing to the employment contract and job description, which should be spelled out your responsibilities.
If, despite the validity of your refusal was not accepted and you are forced to do what your function does not apply and is not encouraged, it is violence.
Also is the chronic inability to say "no". She expressed that it is difficult to deny, always and everywhere, or it is repeated from time to time at each place.
It is caused, as a rule, education, rule to deny other people to build their own borders, to defend their interests in "damage" to others and value to serve others and to sacrifice.
In order to learn to refuse to answer the question: "by Agreeing to perform for colleagues or superiors any case, what you say so "Yes"? "
Remember the last time you about anything asked. You better just remember: certain words, tone of voice, intonation, look, glance colleagues/supervisor?
What this mean? How you react to it - worry, worry, inspired, calm down, annoyed, angry, offended, and so on?
What you feel at that moment feel the lifeguard, an important person, a servant, a victim, a child, and so on? And what is then your colleague? What quality do you notice - poor, weak, poor, powerful, uncompromising, cunning, kind, trusting, credible, and so on?
What you hear when you say, "Please do it for me! " or "do"? For example, in the first sentence you can hear: "Only you can help me! " And the second: "You can't refuse". What do you feel when you hear it?
Who feel so led, so talked to you even ever? Who it reminds you of your life?
If your inability to say "no" is a chronic, mark it for themselves. This is probably due to your early adverse experience, and you have a tendency to agree and to sacrifice themselves for the others.
Do not put it in yourself, but just remember every time when you find yourself in this situation. This will help you not to feel at a loss to understand what is happening, and to separate the situation from yourself, do not merge with it. Find between these situations are different.
For example, before you were little, and other people - great for adults and probably reputable. Then you didn't know that you can say "no", now I know. Before you would not be punished, but not now. To refuse you politely not reject the other person.
Source:
Female passion
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