Difficulties that await the family after the birth of the child

The appearance of the child in the family is a serious challenge for parents. First, changing family structure, and therefore, need to adapt, to accept new roles and the most important thing to take responsibility for a new helpless creature.


Every mother's role is more or less understandable, some of its actions is determined by instinct, part of the experience that gives her her own mother. During pregnancy a woman feels, what happen to the child in the womb; in this time they have established contact. After birth, when the infant acquires a physical separation from the mother, it is still a long time continues to be totally dependent on her. Emotional and physical contact with the mother becomes the primary sensory tissue, which will continue to overlap all the subsequent experience of the child. At this point, the mother and child form a dyad, symbiosis.



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So dad was not the odd man out


After birth the baby's father often feels unnecessary. Actually, dyad mother-child desperately needs a third party, although men do not always have the opportunity to feel it.



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Sometimes "obnoxious" requirements of the pregnant sometimes serve as a kind of test: the woman with the feeling of growing weakness, you must feel that it might have something to subcontract husband can rely on him.




Primarily due to the fact that the woman is now focused on the other person, her love, attention and care that she gave to her husband, now addressed to the baby, her ambitions, hopes are now focused on him, he is now the cause of her pride and admiration. But a woman's world now, not just focused on her Chad, her contact with the outside world is waning. At least, if sufficient care for the child. And man, the world is not time to change, to become a conductor connecting the dyad with the rest of the world.




When mother and child are focused on each other, the father (or someone the third, who replaces his father when the father of the child is unavailable) is the external shape, designed to be a kind of shell that protects and defends at this stage is quite fragile family structure from external influences.




Any woman, no matter how strong she was, after conceiving a child becomes vulnerable. It is widely known that during pregnancy, the woman is changing the character, habits, interests. And this happens not only due to hormonal changes, but also because attempts to psychologically adapt to his new position.





If mom is a leader by nature


Often a woman who used to be the leader and which for any reason is unable to recognize that he needs a man at this stage, driven by the desire to avoid the period of dependence on him. She prefers not to take maternity leave, continuing professional activities, supports a wide social contacts. As a result, the experience of motherhood is crumpled, and the child is deprived of physical and emotional ties with his mother. This has an impact on his character, personality traits, perception of the world.




Children deprived of emotional connection with her mother in the early stages of its development, more susceptible to disease, depression, aggressive outbreaks. Themselves, when they become parents, they have difficulties in interacting with their child.



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When and why daddy?


The main task of a father to give the child the opportunity at the right time to separate from the mother. Getting more independence in exploring the outside world, the child will seek to overcome the dependence on the mother. The father gives the child the social world, reminding him of the rules and requirements, a system of moral prohibitions and sanctions in case of violations.




As soon as the child becomes a little less dependent on the mother, he immediately starts needs a father, which would have allowed him to try his hand. Mothers have to take now the observation position, maintaining the status of "comfort girls" in cases of failure and enthusiastic audience", when something fails.




As they develop, and depending on the tasks that confronted the child, he needs more of that in the mother, the father. From birth to two years, the child is strongly dependent on the mother, about two years and then five years of a child overcoming this dependence in more need of a father figure.




At this time, he prefers to spend time with his father, acquainted with the peculiarities of the male, i.e., less emotional and more power style response. Appearing at this aggressiveness needed to overcome dependence and adaptation to the outside world, where, as you know, survival of the fittest. The father represents the child "maturity" of, belonging to which he wants to feel.



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You have become the benchmark


At the same time, the child learns interaction between a man and a woman, adopts the behaviors demonstrated by the spouses in relation to each other. He discovers the existence of a relationship between the parents, of which it is turned off.


When these relationships full of love, mutual respect and care, the child learns the model of such a relationship, and then it becomes a pattern, regulating his own behavior.




In a family where the mother demonstrates female behavior and male father, the child is more likely to be disappointed in their sexuality. In General, the main task of each of the parents is the creation of the child senses that his family loved and appreciated.

Author:

Shirkov O., clinical psychologist


Source:

Woman.ru

women's web magazine