Little girl recently learned to walk and walks with mom. She gently moves his feet and goes where they are. Mother keenly watching his daughter and if she was away from her for a considerable distance, catching the baby picks up on his hands and saying, "you Cannot go far from my mother! " without anger, but sensitive slaps on the butt, while the girl begins to whimper. Are you familiar with this picture?
It is impossible to talk about any physical impact on the child of his parents in isolation from temperament, mental state and General health of both the parent and the child. However, apart from the General cultural level of the family. What for some people is absolutely unacceptable for others - ordinary, inoffensive and decent appearance. So when someone says that hitting children is not, or, conversely, from a slap on the ass no one has died", it's just empty slogans, detached from life, from specific people and circumstances of their lives.
As for what you can not beat children, from a slap, under any circumstances, no one has died? Various clarifications and additions to these slogans can sometimes dramatically change and transform the message that they carry. Hitting children is not, but is it morally them to crush, humiliate and insult words? Slap on the ass six-year-old boy, made public his father will not kill the child physically. But to kill a child every confidence to the father for the rest of your life.
In this article we use the word "beat" does not mean beating the child unconscious, intentional infliction of his injury, and any kind of violence associated with the pathological condition of the adult. Why this occurs is the subject of a separate discussion.
How to divide a physical manifestation of the child's spontaneous, impulsive and deliberate, coming from some of the techniques and rules, or simply the tyranny of the adult? Many mothers say to their friends: "We your child is being beaten'. But each of these moms can swear that, for example, in some rainy day she's not kicking ass his wild screaming voice for an unknown reason daze, when they both trudged tired with bags of any shopping trip? Is it possible to separate where to start "to beat the child and the mother's "I just can't do it any longer to bear"?
About the physical effects on the child of his parents and relatives, there are several opposing views of parents. Each brings their arguments, which are based mainly on personal experience, acquired at the time when the parent was itself small and defenseless. It is good that many adults remember their childhood and analyze methods of education of parents. Conventionally, these people can be divided into several categories:
parents, whose own childhood was never touched by a finger, not humiliated and insulted, and all were resolved by negotiation or persuasion;
parents whose child was not beaten or beaten slightly, but children morally humiliated, insulted, the child has achieved something by forming his feelings of guilt and shame;
parents who have a child received the cuffs and flip flops, but only for the actual offense, and the child was agree with this, with adults it is not humiliated and insulted;
parents who had a difficult childhood and which beat (hard and painful and even with a belt), and humiliated, and punished for any reason.
Easy to guess which of these categories the parents will be strongly against physical impact and who will assume that the cuff is nothing wrong for a child there. The avoidance of physical punishment occurs in the case of identifying it with humiliation, insult, blame.
In the physical impact (if it's not beating, of course) there is nothing terrible. Life is impossible to make a refined and completely safe. Each of us is faced someone less, some more with different physical influences between people, ranging from friendly pihani or struggle to self-defense or defense of his dignity. In life anything can happen, and to isolate and absolutely avoid physical manifestations, including in relations parent-child". Whatever was discussed on the forums moms topic "is it possible to physically punish your child will always be ardent opponents and the same ardent supporters of physical punishment, and none of each other will not convince his truth. And all just because they both have diametrically opposite experience and understanding of what physical effects and punishment. Some it is identified with the humiliation of the child, and others perceive physical effects only as a protest of the parent against the child's behavior. And if the adult deliberately and thoughtfully to his relationship with his child, he will seek to deliver him from that negative experience, which once experienced in childhood itself. Or the parent may not even wonder how he behave with the child, he just takes the model of relations, which he had seen with their own parents in relation to it.
The most controversial category is the parents that the child was beaten very badly, who lived in destructive families that put their personality heavy imprint. Those who are able to rise above the oppression in which they lived in childhood, and to overcome the chaos in his soul, planted their own parents will find a definite answer to the question "to beat or not to beat". Even a finger will not touch your child. Those who were not able to overcome this relationship pattern will create an exact copy.
Often moms spank your child or give him the cuffs as addition to pointing and angry words. For fixing, so to speak. Thus, they try to develop a child's reflex. If Mama said you can't be very far off, in the case of ignoring the ban child will be hurt. In the future, she thinks the mother, the child will have a strong Association: "it is impossible" - "it hurts". This pedagogical error. To develop such a conditional reflex in a child can only be for some time. The child is not an animal, it is necessary not to train, and train. And you must help him adapt to the surrounding space. Moreover, the reflexes and temperament, laid in the child's nature, have a much stronger influence on behavior than those conditional reflexes that are trying to instill in him the parents.
If the mother is unwilling to abandon tactics develop in your child a conditional reflexes, she will eventually need to increase the dose of physical punishment or to Supplement moral influence (to humiliate, frighten, oppress). Get mom some acceptable result in changing the behaviour of their child from such a struggle? But her child will get numerous mental traumas and complexes.
Often the words mother says that she never beats and will not beat his rovinescu. But so is that all the good intentions fly away like smoke, when my mother in a fit of anger, fatigue, anger or any other negative emotions is not able to keep up, to not physically affect your child. When she starts to feel guilty before the baby. She knows what feels her baby, herself, perhaps, when all this felt. So in these scenes realize themselves unconscious installation of childhood. Because mind all the mother understands, and still acts, as well as her parents did to her.
Well, if the mother wishes to change the existing scenario of relationship with your child is aware that it is often good intentions and decisions to hold themselves to a certain extent in critical situations not always help. It is the tracking of such repetitive episodes can help my mom to switch from automatic (unconscious) reactions to those practices that mom wants to Express in the presence of the child. However, it should be taken into account that it is impossible to suppress the anger, rage, irritability, which every parent from time to time feels towards her child. Such internal ban on negative emotions can lead to somatic diseases (migraine, chronic fatigue, and t. n.), and can lead to sudden, seemingly based on nothing outbreaks of rage and anger, with varying degrees of destructive consequences. The child will perceive this as a profound injustice to him. So the mother is not to suppress his anger and desire to hit their child, and to recognize and acknowledge in myself right into it. And not to beat or not to beat to solve her depending on the situation. Better, of course, if she chooses not to beat". There are many ways to transfer aggression and destructive energy into something more creative. For example, the mother realizes that she wants to hit your child for something. You can speak aloud their condition and their desires. And you can, for example, wash the dishes, iron the clothes or anything else on her choice. Some moms might say: "How am I going to wash the dishes when I'm inside all seethes and rages from the fact that this Tomboy is doing this? In this case, you can split a couple of dishes, and wash the remaining. And a healthy sense of humor, and the realization that there is no perfect children, and there is no perfect parents, will help to find a solution for any destructive energy.
As every parent should understand that his own life is filled with positive energy, creativity, joy, and development will destroy any negative within the family in General, and in the relationship with the child in particular.
A strong desire to hit your own child often can be regarded as a symptom of psychological or emotional disorders and distress in the person.
The family for a child is a small model of society in which he will ever live independently. Relations in the family - this kind of simulator for the baby. In his family he can be taught that if someone is offended, angry or intentionally annoying, you can (as a last resort defense! to hit her abuser. There are families where children do not dare to protect themselves from the attacks of adults and older children. And then they can't fight back the bullies in kindergarten, school. The child becomes a potential target for ridicule, insults. And in a critical situation outside the family the child is completely exposed to violence. I.e. the motto: "Children cannot beat! " erected in the absolute, can do a disservice in shaping the ways to protect themselves from the child.
On the other hand, if the parents allow themselves to be some form of force against a child, they should not be offended and be taken seriously, if the cuff mother child in the answer hit her. Thus it protects their dignity and therefore will be able to defend and communicate with other people.
The most effective way to escape from the power of interaction with your child is the translation relations from the position of "adult-Junior", "teacher-student" on the position of friendship and cooperation. It is a difficult path that requires the participation of all family members. But going on this way parents are unlikely to raise a hand to the little friend, which overcome the vagaries. And if they go up, they child will forgive and understand that her mother is very tired and also is upset about something. Everything in life happens...
Source:
The family site
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