I have been free long enough to know how hard it is to live as one among the "family" of society. If you are alone, it hurts to watch happy couples. You should be happy for them, but you cannot rid yourself of painful thought: "she is better Than me? Why nobody loves me? " Usually these issues is the following conclusion: "it Must be, I have some flaws". It is inevitable, especially if the children of your friends already finished school, and you're still not married.
Over the past five years I have consulted with a psychologist many men and women. My clients have learned to refrain from destructive behavior in love and finding a partner in life.
For me personally, the greatest interest was women who, reaching tridtsatipjatiletnego age, believed themselves doomed to loneliness. I was well aware of their disbelief in the reality of marriage. These women were definitely not failures. Attractive, smart, successful, kept a large stock of unspent love and wanted to give her a decent man, they lost hope to find happiness in family life.
Although all these single women had very different personalities, I began to notice they have the same way of thinking and behavior, is very dangerous for a happy relationship. I always advised to change this stereotype. Soon, my client was able to find such a man, whom she wanted to have. I am interested in more General question: could observe me "tactics of destruction" to be the reason that many people are successful in other areas of women over thirty years cannot create lasting love relationship?
Two years ago I decided to test my hypothesis using a survey of thousands of men and women clients nationwide videomura Dating Great expectations. During the study of psychological portraits and videos, as well as individual interviews with women, "middle age, married and have not been able to do this, it became clear to me that the "losers" followed the same tactic to defeat" that and my clients.
I got another, more important result. The video, which was presented the women who were able to find a partner, find love and get married, and talk with them showed that these women thought and acted the opposite way. They initially followed the tactics of success".
After reading this book, you will become acquainted with both behaviours generating defeat and success in the business of finding long-lasting love. You will meet women who have refused to "tactics of destruction" - for example, Helga, crazy friend which almost bit off her nose, with Ellie, barely exchanged his apartment on Fifth Avenue in jail due to the fact that her friend was forged works of art, as well as with Ruth, whose husband cheated on her for the past ten years. All of these women were married to wonderful people. Their stories taken from life. I only changed the names to maintain confidentiality.
My research and the fate of these women show that finding true love is not necessarily to be young, to have a spectacular appearance, outstanding personality or prominent sexual skill. You may not be behind a series of brilliant victories on the personal front. You do not need to possess a solid state or connections. Need something else receptive, "blinkered" mind, a sincere desire to succeed and some persistence.
So if you are going to abandon your hopes, don't do it. In the world there are many men seeking women of your type. You can win a fortune and to find a husband at any age.
Following my proven plan, you will significantly increase your chances to get married in the near future. Changing your approach to the problem and search methods, you will be able to meet the right man, to love him and marry him.
This book is written for you:
- if you want to know the signs of destructive behavior, get rid of it, to master the tactics of success and to make your heart ruled the head, and not other parts of the body
- if you have postponed marriage and now being ready for marriage, suddenly found that around you there are no suitable candidates
- if you have experienced one or more unsuccessful marriage and are ready to make a more intelligent choice.
- if you are tired of being a toy in the hands of every man, with whom you begin to meet.
- if you are willing to abandon the false ideas about the origin of love and to find it with action.
End endless meetings
Don't be alarmed. It's not too late to fix it! It managed to make me the most and hundreds of women, whom I helped to get married. Success will come to you.
When I first got married at the age of forty-two years, statistics have stated that I have more chance of being a victim of a terrorist, rather than someone else's wife. I know what it's like to hear the familiar questions: "Why is such an interesting woman like you still single? " I'm tired of hopeless relationship, bars for single and unmarried, vanity parties and the constant feeling of awkwardness associated with the fact that I live alone among couples. I suffered visiting alone family activities, and felt a sense of frustration caused by the fact that the destiny has cheated me intimacy with another person. I was lonely and worried due to the fact that I have to spend the rest of my life as such.
I would still not married, if I had not discovered several important new principles, giving me a rather unusual way to meet my future husband. We were met at the party and not in the bar. I picked it up, following the plan outlined in this book.
To get married, I had to abandon the tactics of destruction, for which I was left alone, and to master the tactics of success. You may also follow the tactics to defeat, hinder you to get married.
Tactics defeat 1: you wait, when you will choose, instead, to choose the most
How did you meet your last lover? You chose him because he knew about it? Or your eyes accidentally found each other in a crowded room and you immediately understand how it happens in the movies that you love come in?
You bumped into him at the store, near the counter with Brussels sprouts, or in the gym, the apparatus for pumping the press? Such casual Dating can bring joy, but they rarely end in marriage for Mature and discerning lonely people.
Carol, a lawyer by profession, came to me at the age of thirty-six years. Tall blonde with brown eyes and a stunning figure, she could conquer any man. Looking at this woman, it was hard to imagine that she may have problems in his personal life.
"I don't understand what was happening to me. I always meet with men. But my gentlemen will almost always be wrong. They too eccentric, too cold or have a fear of emotional intimacy. Even if I meet a nice person, I think, like, still nothing comes out. I guess I'll never find a real life partner. Me is seriously worried.
- I often go on dates, in recent years, travel to ski resorts and have a great time there, but I want more. I was tired of Dating. I want to marry and have a family, and it will soon be too late.
Carol always easy to get acquainted with men. She did not have to do anything. Men were drawn to her beauty. Carol had a lot of admirers, but they all saw it, or a beautiful companion or sex partner. Nobody was interested in what she is as a person. As a rule, men did not seek long-term relationships, and those who sought him, did not meet its criteria.
I asked Carol to write on a piece of paper the names of the last three men with whom she met, and to remember how she met them. Elliott, attorney, still painfully endured his recent divorce and just wanted to have fun. They met in the building where the office of Carol. Sebastian, a well-known investor, was pyatidesyatiletniy bachelor and lived with his mother. Carol met him at a party. John, a Professor from College, decided to quit teaching and become a writer. New career interested him much more than marriage. They met at an exhibition of ski equipment.
We analyzed both began and developed these relationships. Then we looked for something that was common between them. Soon it became clear. These men were United by only one thing - they chose Carol. She did not choose. Moreover, it turned out that she never in his life did not take the man itself.
I explained to her that because she certainly knows their needs and desires better than a stranger at a party, she should choose men, not to allow them to choose it. Instead of waiting for the next random acquaintances, she needs to assess the candidate and decide whether it suits her needs. So far, only she answered the needs of men. They've been attractive, amusing companion, a friend to play tennis and skiing, an interesting companion for dinners, but ignored the need Carol in a serious relationship.
Carol thought about the active selection.
It seems to me reasonable, but I'm not sure what I can do, " she said. I am not used to choose. I had always been told that the choice is the privilege of men.
- That's why they get those women want to have, " I replied. They know what they like, and feel free to choose.
The Cinderella Syndrome
Even as a feminist, educated and successful woman, Carol could not easily abandon the idea that men should choose her. In legal practice, she fought for clients, like a tigress. Personal life she had been passive, and allowed themselves to be used. Cinderella tale, accidentally met the Prince, deeply rooted in her mind.
- I have no idea about how to choose a man, " said Carol. - What if I make a mistake? I don't even know how to flirt in bars. I just sit and look at people who come up to me. I never tried to get a specific man. How is it done?
Choice
We started from the very beginning, as one should do you. We have compiled a list of qualities that, according to Carol, should have her choice. Here is the list.
What are the qualities of my partner:
- Integrity
- Reliability
Kindness
- Largesse
- Sensitivity
- Constancy
The quality with which I do not wish to be reconciled
Then we made another list of qualities that Carol did not want to accept.
Smoking
- Drugs
- Falsity
- Workaholism
"Avarice
Then we estimated the last three men who had met Carol. For each of them we have compiled a list of its advantages and disadvantages. Carol was astonished to find that each of them possessed a quality that was present in its "negative" list. Armed with two lists, Carol quickly realized that none of the last three suitors were not suited to the role of her husband.
Compare your criteria with advantages and disadvantages men
You can quickly and easily evaluate men with the help of your "positive" and "negative" lists. At the end of this book is the corresponding form. Fill it out now and add as you read the following chapters, which will help you more clearly understand what is important to you.
You can also evaluate a man by making a list of his "merits" (qualities positively characterizing it as a future spouse) and "shortcomings" (negative qualities).
Set yourself a rule of thumb - if the list of advantages contains less than eighty percent of your requirements, you should reject the candidate. If a man has at least one quality that you categorically do not accept, look for the next. Do so, even if dignity firmly pull the scales with disabilities. Do so, even if you get great pleasure from communicating with this person. Do so, even if he is a great sexual partner. You can't waste time on men that take your chances for a successful marriage.
Don't be afraid that your choice is too limited. Don't be afraid to throw a person who does not meet your requirements. While you are sitting at home or talking with my friends about what had happened to men, other women choose from hundreds of worthy men, someone reject, someone save "just in case", to later re-consider their suitability for marriage, and eventually find a couple of brilliant candidates. You think it's unrealistic? Don't worry. I will teach you how to become one of these women.
First of all you need to overcome the Cinderella syndrome and to decide on their own choice. On a real choice, for which it is not enough to say "Yes" or "no" to those who choose you. Learn to assess candidates for the role of husband.
To implement reasonable choice you will need some criteria formulated on the basis of considerations of common sense and ignored by most women.
How to identify suitable candidates
The man is a suitable candidate, if selected you based on your criteria. Man is not a suitable candidate, if he has chosen you and meets your criteria.
The man is a suitable candidate, if he was already married and wants to make a new attempt. Man is not a suitable candidate, if he has not yet regained consciousness after a divorce and feels a sense of bitterness.
The man is a suitable candidate, if he's good to women. Man is not a suitable candidate, if he hates his mother, sister, or all women lawyers.
The man is a suitable candidate if you meet his fantasies. Man is not a good candidate, if you are far from his fantasies.
The man is a suitable candidate, if he is ready to marry. Man is not a suitable candidate, if he wants first to make a million, to around sailing the globe, "find myself" in India, or become famous.
The man is a suitable candidate, if he is mentally healthy. Man is not a suitable candidate, if he was crazy or behaves like a madman for any reason (including passion).
The man is a suitable candidate, if you can trust him. Man is not a suitable candidate, if he's lying to you or cheating on you or he cannot be trusted.
Be choosy
Many middle-aged single women worsen your chances of finding a husband, refusing to recognize their needs. Over the years, the person becomes more demanding. You have produced your taste. You gain clarity, so your choices are narrowed. On the other hand, the task of finding suitable men among the millions available facilitated by your established preferences. Are you looking for more selective and make decisions more intelligently.
You have to be realistic and not wait for a meeting with the ideal male (see Chapter 13, "Compromises and concessions"), but you deserve to your individual needs were met, no matter how unusual they were. So if a man behaves in a way that you think is unacceptable, simply discard it and continue the search. You don't have anyone to make excuses. It's not about the nicety and selectivity.
Janice, thirty-three specialist information processing, became interested in Walter, who came into the office to install new software.
Our first date went really well, " she said. - I was impressed by his sense of humor. We have seen in the cinema a wonderful movie, and then went to a jazz club and found similarities in our tastes. We talked a lot, and I learned that he helps his sister to finish College.
He seemed so nice that I have no hesitation in agreeing to dine at his home. Here Janice frowned. - Hmm, I don't know how to describe his apartment. All the walls are covered with posters of sci-Fi movies. Walter forgot to comb her hair, his shirt was seen in a great spot, she came back out of pants, and socks, are, was different! This guy is not just a computer geek, he is insane!
A similar complaint I heard from Pamela, though for a different reason. She was fascinated by the beautiful bachelor, dentist Beverly hills, owner of the big house, scoring a traveling antique decorations. Here's what she told me:
I didn't care for its luxury housing, but the sex was excellent. Besides, I thought I really like Mitchell. When he said that she was going to the far East and would like to take me with him, but after taxes are left with almost no money, I offered to pay my travel expenses. I think I wanted to show him that good money and not interested in his money.
"But when we went, I could not believe in the reality of the situation, " she continued. - Mitchell recorded all expenses up to the tip and divide them equally between us. He never parted with a pocket calculator, and already in the plane, we summarized the results. After I wrote him a check for half the total amount, he asked me to pay half the bill for Parking the car at the airport!
Janice dropped "computer fan" Walter and Pamela couple of times met with the dentist Mitchell and also parted with him. Both women did the right thing. If men are annoying you, strangeness, it will not fade over time, but will become even stronger.
The funniest thing is that if they swapped partners, Pamela may, would love to Walter for his kindness, generosity, interest in science fiction and shut her eyes to his sloppiness. Janice probably would decide that "orders are orders". For her commercialism Mitchell would mean that he treats her as an equal.
Acquired by Pamela and Janice experience helped them to better understand their requirements for men. Janice added to the list of necessary qualities of "accuracy", and Pamela is "generosity".
Three steps leading to success
Here are the three commandments that apply to your late marriage was "smart" marriage.
1. You have to choose men and date only those who are suitable candidates and meet your criteria.
2. You must secure access to a large number of such men.
3. You should only meet with those representatives of this group, which strongly like, which are "their type".
Following these common sense rules, you will significantly increase their chances compared with women who choose Cavaliers unconscious, on the basis of case, or consider choosing a privilege of men. I will help you to do these three steps, and then tells you how to get a man to commit and devote my life to your marriage.
But before we consider what is holding you back on the road to success, not whether you make other mistakes, make sure that you do not follow one of the "tactics of destruction" that prevents you to get married.
Excerpted from Tracy Cabot
"Late marriage"
Source:
Women's Magazine
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