All children are sexual from birth! The little boys even in infant age, it can be an erection, it will confirm any mother. So, the idea of "wait until the child grows" illogical.
One old pediatrician was advised to tell a little about sex. They have still know the bottom of a stomach people are different. Now, dad - tube, and mommy - hole. The Pope has very young children, but they are in the Pope can not grow. For this dad and his tube replanting child's mother in the stomach, and he grows there, and then, when it grows large, it's coming out.
Inform the child about sex and sexual reproduction today is a must. Forewarned is forearmed. But the question is: how to prevent?
The parent must inform the child correctly and completely as possible (using the same books, charts, educational films), to find the right words and to eliminate redundant information. Information should be simplified and dose to the child is not confused and was not stunned strange for him images.
Psychologists know from children that parents often tell them what they never thought to ask, and this only confuses and sometimes confusing. Let's take a small portion of the correct information and be guided by the child's reaction. If the baby has gone to digest data or satisfied with the answer and moved on to something else - then leave it alone. If the kid put the answer in my head and already sets a new question, deepening the theme, then you can continue the discussion and give another little piece of information.
What would be difficult or shocking question nor asked the child, never be angry! Children and teenagers are most afraid of the anger of the parents.
Today, even the most shy parents can give their children adequate information about their appearance and sexual relations between people. If a parent cannot find the right words, if he is unable to force myself to sketch a simple diagram and drawings, the help he can come baby sexy encyclopedias, books and videos devoted to procreation, sex, sexual development. You flipping pages or view the video with your child, and can simply be handing source of knowledge the baby with the hope that through it over and over again, it is great to learn. A special edition good that information is supplied to them in the manner and to the extent that correspond to a specific age.
How kids can relate to the information presented in the book, largely due to the non-verbal information about the body and the field that the child had absorbed from childhood - some are flipping through the book with interest, the other for a while shocking the situation around sex and procreation.
If you can't figure out how to answer tell me about it. "I need time to think, I promise to talk to you about it after dinner," or even ever. Please do not expect that they will not ask. If the child does not ask themselves raise the issue, if necessary, explain to him the cause of his anxiety. "My parents never talked to me about it, but I'm glad you asked, and I will try to answer your question".
Awkwardness can be overcome also, turning the conversation into the medical direction - thus the theme of the original mechanisims, and it becomes easier to transmit the necessary information. The easiest way to avoid embarrassment and at the same time gradually to convey to the child all the necessary information to give him information in small portions, in simple honest words, not venturing into the wilds and not resorting to reasoning. If the child will feel your distress, he may have the impression that his appearance on the light in particular and intimate relationships between people in General is something bad and forbidden.
The child may be embarrassed by not less than the adult, and it also overcomes himself to discuss the issue. Often children tenderly cherish the mental health of parents, seeing their distress and tension, so it's best to relax and accurately provide the information, for excessive parental pressure may only strike the child and to discourage him from such conversations.
If in a busy Park with lots of people 6-year-old kid asks you, what is the clitoris does not need to be embarrassed, and fainting. Take him aside and gently explain that it is part of the female body, which is located in such a place, which is not customary to talk with people.
Most importantly, no matter how many times your child may ask you their innermost questions, always answer him calmly and confidently.
Always praise your child for their maturity and let him know that you expect him good manners. At the same time don't expect it always will be. We all love to tell news, transfer gossip and share stunning new discoveries. These things are the salt of human communication, not only for adults but also for children. New information about the vulva (the collective name of the female external genital organs) can be fun and exciting for a child, and he could share the good news with the cashier in the supermarket crowded with people. Do not pay attention to grin, full of horror views and embarrassed red faces of the people standing in line for groceries. Be proud that your child is informed, and therefore protected. And when at last our whole society will reach sexual maturity, no one will be embarrassed or upset about natural child of curiosity and the desire to share with others.
Adults rarely fail adolescents support and understanding, but it often happens that they are not able to support them adequately because of their own immaturity. A characteristic example of this is the parent who says, "Yes, I tried to talk to him (or give him a book), but he was so embarrassed that I was too shy and gave up". If you tried to start a conversation in the kitchen, and he said, "It's too lewd, I'm leaving", then know that the best place for conversation with children from 10 to 20 years is a car, where your listeners have nowhere to go. Of course, they can cover my ears to call you crazy or three hours in silence staring out the window, but you still keep talking. They will never forget this trip in the car, and you too. Some fathers were very good at talking in the boat while fishing. Children have nowhere to go, because they can't walk on water! Others talked about the discussions around the campfire or in the tent and even on conversations during cleaning in the garage (while your hands are busy and can not meet the views)! Don't miss a single moment that is appropriate for learning. Speak, and it will move.
"When the boy in 5 years on the issue of kissing people said that this "particular relationships of the sexes," he hung."
How NOT to tell a child about sex
- don't have to put a child in front of yourself in the pose of an obedient disciple and say, "It's time you learned about sex. Minus the "big talk" at an early age is that the child simply haven't put in my head all the data, then the older child is already "know everything". But those parents who because of their own reasons, inclined to the method a lot of conversation, I recommend to add to the conversation and the corresponding book that the child is already reading, the child was able to consult this source and gradually made it clear to himself the whole picture.
- no need to wrinkle and to blush, like a child of his question caught yourself for something indecent; it is not necessary to start to giggle and make big eyes; the interest of the child is the natural, he perceives this part of your life betanase, and our response paints it in a certain emotional tone ("normal", "ashamed", "bad", "dirty", and so on). If the baby will encounter a negative reaction from adults, then we will continue to treat the manifestations of their sexuality in the same way - as something shameful, bad, and dirty.
- no need to tell stories about storks, cabbage, special injections, shops, kanibolotskiy tales from eating germs and other False information is dangerous not only because it can confuse the whole conceptual grid. She is able to deeply pechatalsya and direct the child's expectations, reflecting on his behavior both in childhood and in adulthood. not to engage in myth-making and not to tell him tales about the storks, cabbage or shop in which he allegedly bought. Thus parents simply discredit themselves.
- no need to paint your conversation in specific tone, pumping a special emotions; and in General, it is not necessary to broadcast their feelings if the child is not asked separately;
- no need to gloss over this topic, otgovarivali banal phrases like "It to you still early", "Grow up - you know" or, in General: "Where did you got these issues? " Especially when it has a different connotation: "leave me alone" or "Go out". Because the child just go to satisfy your curiosity elsewhere and from other sources.
- do not tighten talk about sex; a child is able to focus on 3-7 minutes, and it is better to leave it to dagevasat thought" than to bore his scrutiny;
- do not make sex cult, providing the child with tons of "safety information avoid", shocking his strong images, the perception of which he is not yet ready;
- no need to ask lesson" to ensure that the child remembered your instructions.
we should not impose on the child communicate on this sensitive subject, if he doesn't want. Better to give him explanations as there is enough interest.
Children in years 3, 5 and even 7 years still not trying to understand the system as a whole. The child at this age are interested in an individual "why". One "why" follows another with a period of from several days to several months, information is digested, mates and gradually the child from all extracted information branch for the branch grows slender tree understanding the question. That's why it's important to separate "branches" were completely clear! From the abundance of information the child may get confused, start to fantasize - although this is also not so bad, later he is sure to clarify the situation.
Children are very inquisitive and able to themselves all spread out on the shelves, requiring adult content for new shelves detected in the system.
"You know, when a child is born, the umbilical cord cuts the doctor. Kitty cuts the umbilical cord And horses... ???? "
It means, knows Sonia that Lyalka grows from cells mom, when dad's cell will be connected. Knows that mom drink tablets to cells not connected. And here in the middle of the trolley until it logically comes, what if about how Lyalka grows, she knows, and what is done with the cell from which Lyalka not growing?
And if the parents fail to teach the child in the first 10 years of her life with the subject of sex and its such paragraphs, as age-related changes of the genital organs and the beginning of their biological activity, pregnancy, contraception and STDs, then hope for a full conversation with a 13 year old teenager will be somewhat naive. Of course, do not necessarily hold with the baby seminar on sexually transmitted diseases, but to motivate, to indicate the direction and provide access to comprehensive sources of information - just you, today is the direct responsibility of a loving parent.
2-4 years
The kid loves to undress, he is delighted with how his body, he studies it. Around this age children begin to recognize themselves as boys or girls, and wonder why boys and girls go to the toilet differently? ". In this age, the child usually asks the question: "where did I come from? ". It can calmly reply: "From my mother's tummy. The kids there safe and warm, and they grow up mom at heart". Tell him about the pregnancy and that he came out of my mother's and my father's cell. You can read baby encyclopedia, show pictures where you can see how the baby is sitting in the belly of the mother and what is the difference between boy and girl, man and woman.
In addition, the child is familiar with the specific names of sexual organs that male and female bodies have their "serious names: penis or the penis, vagina, or vagina. "Here's your pen, but it's not just hand: here's wrist, this is the brush, here's elbow. Legs have ankle, Shin, knee. See how many you have! (often the children are delighted from such of his wealth). And for all is its name. Similarly, there is a "serious" for the recording: the "tap" is called a penis, and the bag under the faucet called the scrotum, the SAC of the scrotum lay two eggs. The girls pussy arranged differently, she looks like a crack and called vagina". At this stage the child is not necessary to speak, that genital a mission - you just have to indicate the distinction of the sexes and to give the genitals names. It is technically easier for you future conversations.
If a small child asks, what is the difference between boys and girls, you can't tell him that there are men like dad, and the woman as mother. Women grow out of the girls and the men from the boys. And it's just two different kinds of people.
A great time to talk with the kids at bedtime, when they agree on anything, if only you didn't leave and didn't turn the light off. At this time it is good to read them a book or to answer questions the same day before, for example in a crowded bus or for Christmas dinner!
a variant of this tale for the night
"There were mom and dad. They loved each other, hugged, kissed and slept in the same crib. And now they wanted they had a baby. And in my mother's belly began to grow malenki boy. And it was Vanya! At first it was very small and was sitting in my mother's belly softly. Then he grew up, became Bolshoi, was all belly and tummy have also become large. Mom and dad patted his tummy and Vanya in him, kissed him and talked to him. And then the boy grew older and wanted to go to the mom and dad of the stomach. Under the belly opened a special door and Ivan climbed out! Mom and dad were overjoyed, took the Boy to the handle, the mother began to feed him milk from titi. And all of them were very pleased: grandparents, cat, all said, "Hello, Ivan! " And then Ivan grew even more, learned to run, to talk himself to eat cereal with a spoon - that's how big our boy! "
4-6 years
The child was very interested in the physiological differences between the sexes at this age, one of my favorite childhood games of "doctor". There is nothing to worry if you have kids the same age and occupation occurs without violence. And yet, try to turn the child's attention to other games. Playing doctor, children get acquainted with the body of another person, get pleasure from bodily contact with peers, exploring the relationship of subordination control.
At this age children often ask questions about sex. But these questions are still vague, vague. For example, the kid can be seen in the movie love scene and ask: "What do they do? "on this question enough to answer: "They love each other." Most likely, a little later will have the theme "children appear, because adults are so in love with each other". Often on the street or in the movie the child sees mating of animals and asks questions. Such is to answer simply, without going into details, that the lessons they have kids. Small. Mothers in the tummies. Then grow up and go outside. In animals, this activity is called pairing, people love or sex. At this stage, the child simply connects this joint swarming with offspring, he is still in most cases uninteresting and unimportant, as it is technically.
For a child of 4-5 years is quite suitable explanation about what the little man lives and grows in the belly of the mother, and when it grows enough, the mother goes to the hospital, where the baby out of her belly, wash, clothe and give back. Typically, children at this age do not ask questions about how the baby gets there. But if this issue still occurs, then the response might look like this: dad gave my mom the seed, mom swallows it, and after some time in the belly of the mother of the seeds grew the child.
To the question, "what child is born? "you can answer: "my mother in the abdomen there is a special hole, and through it with the help of the doctor, the baby gets to the light". "I want to see! "says the child. - "But this is impossible. Everyone's body is a special place that no one should show". But at the same time and ask if he knows what it is. Next question: "And how the child goes to the mother in the stomach? " About this, as a rule, ask older children. Answer: "in my mother's tummy appears seed from which grows the baby. When mom and dad sleep together, they embrace, and the seed from the Pope goes to the mother".
When a child asks: "how did I get in the tummy? "better to say: "my dad loved each other, got married and wanted to have our baby. You appeared. More positive emotions.
Son loves the BBC series about animals, dinosaurs, insects. Often they put stories about the pairing of movies he picked up that word. Once we returned home and - Oh, joy! observed in detail, as the cat chased the cat on the tree, then pulled down kicks, caught in the neck and began to perform his official duties. The son tried to save "poor cat", burst into tears, and when he yelled at him... he immediately explained that cats are mated. As in the movie, Yes. Coming home, the child excitedly said to the grandmother: "We saw mating cats!!! "my grandmother had just opened and shut his mouth. The evening had a question: "And when mate people, they also fight and growl?? " Had to dissuade and to hold the line between beast brainless and reasonable man.
Dialogue can build something like this
- "What is that doing these two funny dogs? "
- "So they have kids: now dog-moms tummy start malenkie puppies, then they will grow".
- "So, now connect the cells to dog-dad and dog-mom? "
"Yes, exactly. In animals it is called pairing: see their two pair - they stoilis, mate, their cells are also joined".
"And people also do that? You and dad did? "
- "People this is a little different. People are different from animals. But Yes, people are connected, so they could have a child. Dad should somehow give mom her cell, so she joined her mother's. Only they call that "making love" or "sex".
Although, of course, such a conversation is almost incredible - most of it takes place in two or three stages, between which are several days or even months.
Of course, the child is not immune from what is about stork tell him grandma or other older relatives. So you can advance to inform the child, what about the children there are many fairy tales. Just because a baby is truly a miracle in the life of a parent! What if children bring storks, they are found among the beautiful flowers (it is from this legend appeared the same cabbage)... And actually give birth to new moms (or again, that they appear from the tummy). By the way, many kids, knowing that they no storks brought, with a sigh of relief: "that's good! And I thought I nonnative... " Children like that they are a product of their own parents and most of them that neither is native (because with the deficiency of affection children sometimes do not feel sufficiently the love of its parents! ), and not thrown in some strange stork.
If the child begins to tell everyone about new knowledge, putting you in an awkward position, talk with your child about what adults live by the rules and to communicate on such topics only with their loved ones. It's the same as not accepted in society, picking his nose, it is better not to do it in full view of everyone.
If the kid comes with the clitoris or the orgasm, then, of course, without assistance are not managed. It's better to clarify why he asks to not have turned out as a joke, when my daughter asked my mom what abortion. And when asked where she learned it, replied that the phrase: "the Waves crashed against the hull...". If a child says he heard about it on TV or friends in the yard told, and it is really about the clitoris, orgasm, and other similar words, it is better to tell the truth than "trust" this mission friends from the yard.
"After a classmate five years Tim has said that she is different from him, the boy asked his mother what she had in mind. After an awkward conversation on the subject than boys are different from girls, mother of Tim asked whether he wants to learn something. "Yes, " he replied, " Kim said she was Chinese. What is it? "
Often children notice the erotic scenes in various movies and so ask questions that do aunt and uncle. And here the little child who had the opportunity to observe the tenderness of parents, may be satisfied by the answer: "They love each other".
Two neighboring families, that is, friends houses. In each was a little boy eight years old. Both guys were in the same class and spent a lot of time for joint games. Once the child was visiting the other, and the parents decided to look at the video some action with plenty of love scenes (and it was just at the beginning of the import videobuy). In particular, one of these scenes took place in the car (still, the film was American). Now parents are watching the action, and suddenly one of them noticed that entered the room both child and, with bated breath, stared at the screen. The TV was turned off, the children are driven in disgrace, while the adults were confused and had a view to terminate. Then, the master tapes gave it a couple of days friendly family. The kids heard it and tried all by hook or by crook tape to steal, make sure to look at together. And on the eve of the break between them grew a dispute. The case was over the fact that the Pope, who gave the tape to view, caught both children for the extraction of the desired film from the locked drawer of his father's Desk with his screwdriver. The father was a wise and tear of children by the ears was not. Although the mother, seeing this great sexy movie own child and his friend, panic all the time that "the children of the wicked and, maybe, even have already worked together something bad". But dad behaved than. He took the son with a friend to the TV, put the forbidden cassette and sat down, the movie started, went one love scene kids zero attention; there is a second, third. Started love in the car. Ahi, sighs, sighs. Suddenly the children fell and stuck to the screen. And one of them, gleefully poking at the screen with your finger, excitedly shouted: "I told you - it's "Lincoln," and you - "Chrysler", "Chrysler"! I lost a bet two gum! " "
6-9 years
In this age, the child usually learns what is, in fact, sex and contraception. At the same time the child can learn interesting things about the relations of the sexes from buddies. But even if the child is brought from the school of information, that "fuck all", should not be taken by surprise - you can simply explain to the child that in this area there is a harsh word, and there is a calm, beautiful.
To explain the details of sexual intercourse is possible, starting from these points (and bearing in mind the method mini-answers):
- Adult sex brings people great pleasure.
- A man and a woman hug, kiss, male penis hardens, increases and rises, and then the man can gently introduce it into the vagina of the woman. How to insert the key into the keyhole.
After that, the man and woman begin to sway - it's very nice.
- After this, from a man's penis out of his sex cells and in a hurry to race to the female cell. The strongest male cage wins the competition and is connected with the female and of the new cells growing child.
Stories about the sperm and the egg, fallopian tubes and the consolidation of the embryo on the uterine wall accompany the images from the encyclopedia or draw a diagram on a piece of paper.
Meticulous children can be told that nature is specially made so that sex was fun: then the man and the woman will be more likely to seek each other, and they are more likely to receive the children.
But not always sex leads to Union of sex cells and the emergence of the child. People learned how to make male and female cells are not connected, if it is a man and a woman does not want children. For example, a man can put on penis special rubber bag, a condom, and then all of his sperm will remain in the pouch and in my mother's belly will not fall. Or woman can take special pills that do not allow male and female cells to connect. This is called contraception. Today there are so many means and methods of contraception.
Talk about the technique of sexual intercourse are directly related to the question of how the baby comes out of mother's belly? " If before the child knows that babies come from unspecified "special holes" under the belly, then now is the time to clarify that babies come out through the vagina.
If your child is 6-7 years old, and questions about sex you haven't asked for and interest in this problem you have never witnessed, do not let it to chance and hope that he learns everything from teachers in anatomy courses. You have to be creative and unobtrusive to provoke intimate conversation on the topic itself. For example:
"It's good that Dima and Light finally got married! They love each other. Soon the Lights will grow belly, and then there appears little son or daughter. Isn't that great? " Then the conversation will flow by itself, and you gently push your child to the topic, which sooner or later will be interested, as well as identify and correct his knowledge on the subject.
"My mother raised me alone. My question is, where do babies come from, she answered that a woman buys at the drugstore pill, drink it, and after some time she cut the stomach and from there get a boy or girl. When she showed me your seam on the abdomen. And I had a long, hard to believe! Then at school (this was in the 5th grade) we change suddenly began to discuss this topic with the girls. And what was my surprise when one of them said that the children get out (! ) "there". I don't believe it. In the summer I went to camp. Here my education continued, gaining momentum. I just have not heard! I was just killed! Could not imagine that! But then one girl all denied, saying that in order to get pregnant, enough men and women to wear on the night of pants more than their size, and all! So we decided that when we are older, we will use it this way... "
9-12 years
Onset of puberty. At this age it is necessary to prepare the child for changes. Talk about rapid growth, which sometimes seems uneven. About changes voice - boys. About breast growth and change shapes - girls. Boys wet dreams about night and involuntary erections ("This is a test member to its capacity, it passes all teenagers, if this happens, it means you're in complete order"). Girls about menstruation, it is necessary to warn that the first menstruation may be not quite normal: rich, or painful, or very short - that's all right, then everything will be counterbalanced. For a teenager beginning erections or menstruation can be painful psychologically: these things are often perceived them as dramatic a hindrance to their former way of life. Need to explain that this is normal, it happens with all. Gradually, the teenager will get used to these phenomena, learn to control them, and they will become commonplace. Psychologists believe that girls should talk about boyish involuntary erections, because nothing really without knowing it, girls often take erection (which boys are hard to hide) into your account, start on airs or be offended - and this brings additional strain on the relationship between boys and girls, bringing suffering and that, and the other side. And it is necessary to tell the boys about girls ' menarche - to boys without any superficial hype treated this phenomenon and not souls girls superfluous bullying.
And, of course, it is important to acquaint the adolescent with the rules of hygiene of the genital organs: wash with soap and water under the skin not to go, nothing thermonuclear not to smear, to know, where are the gaskets and clean sheets.
In this age, the child must have the right information about where babies come from, why people have sex, and that sex is the prerogative of adults. The older the child becomes, the more clear and detailed must be the explanation of the parents. Don't forget to include informative lecture about sex story about sexually transmitted diseases, abortions and their consequences (especially if you're a girl), and that promiscuity is not welcomed by the society, full member whose child will become. Ideally, the child should have a view of sex as an act of love between two consenting adults, which is fun, and sometimes children.
12-14
In this age there is a new surge of serious interest in sexual problems, changes in a child's body involuntarily pushing for further research. Increasingly the subject of gender relations and sex POPs up in the questions, conversations and gestures of a teenager - although in other cases the interest in the subject wakes up much later, and actually adolescence is quite soft. If questions still arise, parents should not remain silent, the child should know that you can ask about everything and to come up with any of your problem. Although sometimes issues teenager can put parents in a dead end: "What is a shemale? but such issues are best answer is still "small doses", without going into details: "This is a man who would like to belong to the opposite gender".
At this age, should be responsible to open the topic of contraception: or discussing the issue with your teenager, or providing it printed guides to action. Try ahead of time to raise his eyes condoms: still, this is the most appropriate for young people's contraceptive method.
14-16
The age of first dates. High probability to know what is sex, which is so much talked about. Psychologists believe that no one except the parents and other significant adults can't convince teenagers not to start having sex too early. But the tone of these conversations should not be preachy. To make her daughter that you need to be able to say "no" if you do not want to enter into an intimate relationship. And yet, it is worth looking at life realistically and remind your teenager that it is important to have on hand a condom!
It is important because in the world there are sexually transmitted diseases and the risk of unwanted pregnancy. In this age of information (with pictures! with descriptions of suffering! about STD's no longer shocking young mind, but rather, will add responsibility. With regard to early pregnancies, it would be nice to have contact with a relative or friend who has a small child to draw the attention of the teenager to the a lot of time and effort that requires the lialechka. For it happens that teenage girls really WANT to have a child, irrational, not thinking about the consequences of such a step. But on the other hand, just you should not intimidate the teenager "horrors of motherhood".
After 16 years of conversations about sex between parents and children usually occur only with very great trust and openness - though before without mutual warmth and trust will hardly be able to raise these topics. So take care of your relationship with your children, they grow so quickly and go - first to himself, then to new horizons and partners.
Source:
These children
No comments:
Post a Comment