Alexey Karaulov tried to understand why a normal man stops suddenly to be content with his wife and starts a secret from her mistress another woman
Psychology is similar to diffenbachia, about which he remembered that it must be watered - in the sense that it is very overgrown science. However, with all the abundance of branches it is still not such that would examine the adultery. Specialists in family matters, perhaps, and would like to deal with the problem, but you're not going to ask my husband when living, but still present on the session's wife. All others are considered a betrayal of the alternative standards, revenge strict mother, if not a little symptom of these disorders. So the answer to the question, why do men change, science can not give - the more that logical option: "because goats"- it does not like. However, some theories have.
Why we change
Where did you get it? We?! Yes we generally never! Oh yeah, that same article. Rhetorical subtitle. Phew, and that seemed to pop up the case with the stenographer at the Congress "People never change partner" in Voronezh. So, here's what science says about the phenomenon of male adultery.
Theory No. 1. Hormonal
There is a hypothesis that first surfaced in reports, king's College London fifty years ago: the desire to spread its influence in individuals of the male sex hormone is responsible vasopressin. And spoils this hormone not only people: cats, yielding to its influence, fighting in the yard for the area, the grizzly - mark the claw bark of trees, and even wheel them to the trunk stones to put a label above. One of the manifestations of "spreading effect", of course, capture and fertilization of a greater number of females. And if in the animal world it is accepted to see through the fins, in the world of people afflicted with vasopressin male immediately begin to point the finger of Concierge and grandmother at the door. The situation is especially difficult when the action of vasopressin on itself begins to feel a married man. In the early years (sometimes months) stable relationship in the action of vasopressin is suppressed by other hormones: oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone. But the charm of love is, and the male begins to think of anywhere else to move your bored "I". If the arm does not turn up a tree, or grizzly, or any hobby, the thought of betraying becomes almost constant.
Theory No. 2.
Psychological
Hormones have long been the main "demons" science on them was taken to remove all odd behaviour, and many physicians remain adherents of this approach is still. And so much of the hormones write journals, randomly shuffling the names... of Course, in the body everything is more complex than was described in the previous paragraph. Hormonal storms can be controlled by willpower, provided that psyche's all right. And if so, cheating is a conscious choice men. Insist on this popular, if not the tabloid, psychologists. In the books Skinner, Pilsen and some Russian guru met the term "sine wave esteem". In short, any man sees freedom as loneliness, and therefore, deprivation, and therefore, evil. A lonely man is at the bottom of the self-assessment. Met the woman, he begins to slowly emerge on the surface and at the top of the sine wave are thinking: "what is this I, this handsome, do next with it? " My self-esteem provokes gap or treason. But in fact, and in another case, the freedom from moral obligations) goes again in solitude, or at least the fear of being alone. Begin the returns to an old partner, a pre-rehearsed scene, "what hast thou forsaken me" and "fool me, fool" or the search for new followers. To ride up and down on this sine wave can more or less infinitely.
Theory No. 3. Household
As said some of the classics (any other magazine wrote that it was George Bernard Shaw, but I have no confidence, no Internet to check), when you see a woman naked long enough, you begin again to pay attention to her face. This view is remarkably consistent with the research Institute Kinsey. As found its employees, partners, often seen each other naked, sooner or later begin to experience negative emotions, until disgust for each other. The consequences can be anything from erectile dysfunction to break and change. If you constantly walk around the apartment naked, this will arouse only in the first months, and then will cause the opposite effect. So, by the way, many couples are experiencing a Renaissance of relations after the birth of children: the need to comply with some standards of decency improves sexual climate.
Risk
In scientific knowledge, you can even try to suggest that these men will change (or try to change) more often than others:
1. Young Servizi Distribute your "I" want in younger days, when it seems that you're interesting the world. And sex is seen as the easiest way to keep the outside part of himself. But still, if you believe the Internet, and senior fellow, is a pleasant way. A particularly strong risk putting yourself matron, getting yourself young lovers. Psychologists say that cheating in this case will be even and revenge is an attempt to separate from the dominant figure, "overbearing mother".
2. Men at the peak of no Matter what career, creativity, physical form. When self-esteem becomes a revaluation, the man starts down to look not only at the recent competitors, but also to those who contributed to its success. "I saved him from depression (have been/already drink/accustomed to the tray), and he told me what he paid! "the situation is so frequent that it is unclear why women are surprised every time such things.
3. Haters porn Yes, oddly enough. Man, regularly pintaudi revitalizing the Internet, less inclined to look for new relationships in reality. And he usually less complex and easier talking about their sexual fantasies, except, perhaps, those that are about black stewardess on the Ironing Board. However, the category of men who deny the benefits of porn, is negligible.
4. Long ringed Strong relationship is a serious test of loyalty. And, according to statistics, fail often not sex giants, and serednjachki, quickly begin to feel the oversaturation of the relationship. After all, if sex is male needed every day, he would take to himself a wife, what will the daily troublesome seduction next dureji. Although...
And that same fear is only such men? No! Change, as you're lying, that's all. Common sense and personal experience here where bezjalostnee science. In this connection the question arises.
But still, why?..
It is hard to say. Sometimes it really is the hormones or a sudden realization: I need a new woman - and that chest was bigger and gravity on the breast acted less. But sometimes the cause of infidelity become strange things.
Thirst for admiration Because a new relationship is not just sex, which is sometimes generally secondary. This portion of the enthusiasm typical of the early stages of Dating: "You're so smart! " and "I love that you have two nose! In this sense, cheating often happens when you have written an article caught a fly or annual premium is not his wife and mistress to brag about.
Children the belief that you should be more toys, good grades and affection than others. There are particularly dangerous men, who in childhood was "contractual" relationship with their parents. Learn well and you all will be. Will receive a five - fasten the wheels to the skate. While efforts such child bring measurable results, all is well. But it is necessary to finish school, to leave the Institute - and there comes the so-called "crisis of posthumously". The child still wants to be good, but don't understand why it no longer gets "five", but only "Troicki", and silicone. Dostizheniya children can permanently poison the life.
A lot of free time Employed people have very few regrets about the fact that they ruined their lives, and less often catch myself thinking that finished up Cup of whiskey, Guitar Hero all passed, and the moment when you finally go to bed for another three hours. Of course, in this situation, the man often, when he is one. But let's not forget about holiday romances, travel wife and forced two weeks in the hospital after a trifling surgery to increase penis.
This list can be continued endlessly. Any reason for the betrayal that comes to mind as a woman, surely you will find your understanding of any of the men. Well, except that we almost never afraid to sleep one and don't want to check, is it true we are so sexy in these new tights.
How to see us through
Check the phone book and message history on the "Classmates" let it be on your conscience. Here we will talk about one interesting patterns. Cheating is always stress: you need to constantly monitor it, to erase the traces of the crime and for the first time since the Institute many things to keep in mind. Meanwhile, any person or, in other words, the man on the stress always responds the same way: either sits and chews nails, or crushes furniture, either - lots of options. Each of which is called "psychological defense mechanism". Many of these mechanisms are included in treason.
Projection is a Good way to remove the curse is to begin to see it in others. Projecting negative, the person gets rid of his surplus. Jealousy, suspicion, constant attempts to catch his wife in something nasty is often a sure sign of recent betrayal.
The displacement can be passively displace, and then the betrayal will be able to issue except that glassy look and periods of abnormal silence. But you can and actively. In this case, the man will most likely begin to blacken the object of his affections or to mock him. "To us this fool came to work in the Department, well, such a fool! "sometimes means that her man is asleep or going to sleep.
Compensation for Late gifts, flowers and cheese sandwich, made rough, but the caring hands of her husband, may be an attempt to escape from problems, cajole, not only you, but also the conscience. Although sometimes it is simply a manifestation of concern. But care must always be alert, especially if the man has taken someone else to blame and what is there to suspect you.
Source:
Elle
No comments:
Post a Comment