Most people want a close relationship with another person. We want to make the life of a loved one better, ready to come to his aid in times of need, support and approve of what he does. This merger meets our basic needs for acceptance and love. In partnership people always abandon a part of his personality, to create a total for a pair of the reality of interest and space emotions. This is a natural and beneficial process. And it remains that way until one or both partners do not lose their individuality almost completely (voluntarily or in the course of action of a loved one). And then the need to merge begins to define the word "too": we too require the support and approval and are waiting for it in relation to ourselves; too claim to be our partner; too require in the first place for he had relationships. In other words, try to be in a relationship was established symbiosis.
Looks like the symbiotic relationship between men and women? Symbiosis is the desire of one or, more rarely, by both partners to establish a unified sense of emotional space in the relationship. In other words, it is the desire to be together with your partner, "merge" with him physically and spiritually, the same to think and to feel. The problem is that when the desire for symbiosis loss of individuality and identity of a person.
Imagine that a man and woman go together, but the feet are adjacent, connected by a rope. Yes, they are together and their relationship is very close. But it is convenient if each of them to go? And whether they felt comfortable together? Remember that the rope did not appear itself, it tied up some of them. Perhaps the second some time will have to put up with this situation, but then will want to escape. The first is to try to prevent that. The rope sooner or later will be broken... along with the relationships.
This is the symbiosis in action. First up is "sweet bands" and commitment to "high" relations, and then disappointment. And it is very important to understand that the pursuit of a certain ideal, when the partners of the "day without each other you cannot live always together, always at hand, like Siamese twins, good only during courtship and in the first months of marriage. Then everyone should manifest their own area of independence and development, your own Hobbies, personal views, which do not necessarily coincide with the opinion of the partner.
Among those who would like a symbiotic relationship, more often anxious and vulnerable personality, even if these qualities are firmly hidden under a lot of psychological "armor". Subconscious or conscious fear of the loss of a significant relationship leads to the fact that people in one way or another trying to "bind" partner, to hold him. This situation invariably leads to increased tension in the relationship.
"Romantic": to be or to seem?
The result is that Marina was formed not just affection and dependence. Intercourse all the time Marina is committed to a symbiotic relationship. Symbiosis is when two different organism can exist only together, nothing in common with true partnership he has not.
Men, not being under the influence of sugary images, usually rebel against the wishes of the partner to be in symbiosis. Therefore they have been excluded, become "cold" and often try to escape from it. Symbiosis implies that the partner is heavily intrudes into the private sphere of men and requires the same penetration from him. A man reacts negatively, not wanting to give up their independence. The situation when a woman lives for men, often is perceived not as a gift but as a painful relationship. Sometimes a man subconsciously want to escape from this situation in a new relationship, feeling the guilt. Symbiosis is a relationship, and it is painful for both.
To build a healthy relationship with your partner, you need to have an area of their own independence, to feel its value no matter, you together with a person or not. Referring to the true area of independence, not the position of "I'll show him that I have other interests." It is important that everything you do, was done for yourself, not to "show" someone. It is difficult to say whether it is possible to revive relations Marina, but in the following respects should try not to make such mistakes. And throw away the ladies ' novels.
"Militant": it can not be forced
When it comes to men, in their quest for symbiosis is much more exacting and being too prescriptive. They try to "convert" her, forcing her, for example, to leave, to refuse to communicate with friends, to spend a minimum time hobby (especially if it requires being outside the house), to convince her to change clothing style. Often it uses rather harsh methods: manipulation, economic and psychological pressure, calling to the sense of duty and guilt. There is a constant control: "where have you been? "you, "but with whom? ", "why so long? ".
A man tries to bind the partner, but not only to him but to the house. It is considered that it is women who associate themselves with the house. Actually men no less consider house a continuation of itself. And the woman of the house is perfect for a man who strives to symbiosis. Limiting a woman in contacts and freedom of occupation, he consoles his own painful anxiety: "She's home, she with me anywhere I'm not going anywhere".
Maybe in the early stages of relationships and marriage, this situation will be even pleasant woman. It is not yet a burden: love hot. But each of us is created not only for the partner. People should be implemented in several areas, such as professional activities, friendship, socializing with friends, Hobbies. Only then can we begin to feel interesting integrated. But if the partner requires: give up, just be with me? Sooner or later you will feel uncomfortable and will try to escape.
Stay with the person and let it partner!
Symbiosis is a constant pursuit, trying to grab partner, to not have a chance. That's only true intimacy, the "merger shower", "eternal love" it has nothing, even though about it and dream of the ones who draws partner in all of this.
Symbiosis can be described in three words: "Grasping, merger, dependency. This is the case when good intentions paved the road to hell. Symbiosis creeps under the flags of understanding, family values, true love, and turns the loss of individuality, and sometimes themselves relations. Be aware that "romantic" version of symbiosis seemingly typical for women can meet men, and "militant" - to be fully expressed with the ladies.
Being in symbiosis, you live illusions about that...
...partner can guess your thoughts, and you are his;
...you must spend all your free time only together;
...first relationship, the second is everything else;
...partner belongs only to you.
These illusions appear as in the "romantic" version of symbiosis in the form of dreams and unrealistic expectations, and "voinstvuyusche" policy claims, demands and control. In any case, to build relations on the basis of illusions is a thankless task.
Of course, there are situations when both partners agree on a symbiotic relationship and willingly. But in this case, their Union may long to be children. If a child is born, he or it may be "unnecessary", or will be involved in tripartite symbiotic relationship built on dependency and lack of independence. And that you will agree, not the best conditions for the growth of personality.
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If you think you want a symbiotic relationship...
...and be aware of their danger. Slowly but surely will increase the desire for freedom, and sooner or later your partner will want one of them to escape. Trying to involve the partner in a situation of interdependence, you dig a pit relations with their hands.
...give your partner freedom. Remember that those who do not hold, there is no need to escape. Relationship will be the affiliate only when we will preserve our individuality, and it commands respect from a loved one.
...work on yourself. Think about what inside of you is so strong anxiety and fear of losing the relationship?
...build your own boundaries and interests. The wider your interests go beyond the family, the better for you.
If you feel that your partner is trying to involve you in a symbiotic relationship...
...try to help partners realize the danger of this. Perhaps you will read the loved one of this article.
...gently but firmly resist the attempts of symbiosis. Stay calm and try to explain your position without aggression as possible. Sometimes, however, it can be difficult, especially when the partner is configured militant and your behavior is protective in nature.
...keep their own individuality. Whoever puts their individuality on the altar relations (willingly or unwillingly), always loses.
...help the partner to show his individuality. Encourage her Hobbies, socializing with other people.
Symbiosis (from the Greek. symbiosis - "life together") is a close community of living organisms belonging to different species. Relationships in this community can be useful for both species mutualism.
And can be useful only to one side and indifferent for a second, then they are called kommensalizmom. There is a third type - parasitism, when the relationship is harmful to one side and useful for the other. Further, the term "symbiosis" was moved to the psychological plane. Symbiosis psychological - originally appearing emotional-semantic unity of mother and baby, serves as the starting point for the further development of his mind and personality.
Source:
Our psychology
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