Dark thoughts are contagious. But against them, you can develop immunity, by understanding the causes of behavior of his partner and analyzing his feelings.
As it spoils you and your life
You have a good mood, and you offer to your partner to go somewhere together. He, without hesitation, replied: "it is Unlikely we will succeed". The constant "no" in response to any of your initiative is depressing: you understand that the horizons of your life narrowed. The apartment you wanted to make, slipping away at the last moment. Your partner is a pessimist upset not less than you, because pessimism does not protect against disappointment. "I warned you that nothing will come of it," he says with a sad smile.
It might even seem that unconsciously he rejoices in your overall luck. Involuntarily and you start to adopt its implicit taste for misfortune - a silent masochism. Your disappointment may be a considerable fraction of irritation...
Learn to understand
It is important to know that the pessimist thinks "Vice versa": successes seem to be random, and destruction - natural. Often pessimism is the manifestation of a form of anxiety. The feeling of uncertainty and expectation of failure and become part of the man's way of thinking. "Thoughtless pessimist feels eternal sufferer, says Gestalt therapist Alexei Smirnov. - He always seems to be that others are doing something wrong. The failures he blames others, considering himself a victim of circumstances and people." In a sense, such a person is indeed a victim, because he is not an active participant in the events of his life and does not feel responsible for what happens to him.
To be able to correctly respond
Do not allow yourself to infect
Your partner criticizes you for your naivety and inability to perceive the world as he is in "real" negative color. Tell yourself clear: he's wrong. Remind him that not always his pessimistic prediction came true. Fortunately, over time close pessimists, as a rule, cease to listen to their catastrophic predictions.
Encourage him to seek solutions
Preface attempts your pessimistic partner to act in habitual negative logic. Ask him to look for and suggest possible courses of action, instead of listing the obstacles to achieving the goal.
To find the roots
If he is convinced that failure is an integral part of his personality, then he is not confident. Perhaps, once he took hard feeling of separation, of being abandoned, this experience caused him to doubt their own worth. His pessimism is the reason try to find her.
Ask yourself what you gain
We meet by chance, but not it controls our decision to link its fate with the fate of another person. Life pessimist gives us the opportunity to realize their need to constantly help others, but at the same time and acquire power over it. This choice of partner may be dictated by the unconscious desire to hide his own anxiety: you have found more severe than your own, the case - isn't it calms down?
Author:
L. Karamoldaeva
Source:
PSYCHOLOGIES
No comments:
Post a Comment