The less parents paid you attention in childhood, the more bad you are a professional today. However, according to psychologists, it's not so much the number of circles to which they you drove, how many, how often have you seen their house and how often they are with you at this moment spoke. Mom do it on average an hour a day, the Pope and not more than five minutes. But the disadvantage is not the only problem because of lack of communication.
When parents spend too little time with the child, he tries to compensate for his lack. How? The most obvious way to attract attention, " says psychologist Elena Lukyanenko. - There are positive when the child wants something to boast of, to tell the secret. But a busy parent, in the best case says: "Wait", "Not now", "Later", "leave me alone, will you play", and at worst, that parent is not at home at all. And then the child goes to the negative way. The kids are naughty: refuses to dress, to eat, jumps, runs, the word is "on ears". And students - lie, do not learn, steal. Moreover, even in very prosperous and wealthy families. The relationship between inattention and the same theft seems incredible. But it. It's just a deeper form of attracting attention to itself. Of course, subliminal. Children create the problem, to solve for you, which means you pay attention to it. As a rule, the reaction of parents to chastise, rebuke, and even shout. Thus, the underestimated self-esteem in a child, he starts to feel bad, unloved. And then about the problems with peers I don't even say such a person in adult life may no luck relationships with employees, it generally can not be held as a personality. I recently came to accept the well-known businessman: could not refuse disadvantageous offer partner, which has seriously lost money. Partner was a friend. When we began to "dig" his relationship with his parents in childhood, they were just like that, without attention, he could not insist, had no right to vote. And he said, "I TA-AK-went a long way towards your goal, so long struggled with complexes. If parents talked with me more often, I would have done it faster".
The prospect
Protest in adolescence happens for a reason, just in this period in children hormonal surge, and all that was accumulated before he pulls away. "Here's another case from my practice came the mother with her son. The son of swearing, happy with her fight. Was with him a little, she almost didn't say in between work gave cuffs, asked: "How are you? "that is not much considering the responses of the son, and at some point he stopped honestly say - my mother was still hears but does not listen, and fled further work. She didn't give him emotional attention. Inattention causes irritation and dislike children. And then themselves become parents, they will build their own, too purely formal relations," says the psychologist. And a lonely old age really isn't a Ghost.
Where failed marriage
All from the same place. If dad was inattentive to her daughter, in the future it will be perceived as a given, inattention potential suitors, then her husband. And will again be unhappy. Exactly the scenario in marriage the boy will work with inattentive mother. But the carelessness of parent to child of one sex with him threatens his social nerealizovannoe in the future. Dad boy - tracing social position, for the girls mother. And if the father is inattentive to the son, then he may develop a fear of proving his mind, he can establish himself in the thought that he is not smarter, it can grow just unenterprising, exactly the girl with her mother. And without these qualities to achieve something, especially in a career is hard.
Various nurses will not solve the problem - it is a substitute for the companionship and love. If the parent has no choice, as a "surrogate", you should immediately and clearly before you entrust the child to pronounce that it is possible that your child cannot. If your child is sick, to take care of him categorically should parent.
To reduce the negative impact of parental employment to a minimum psychologists recommend to follow all three, but effective rules. Three times a week to arrange a half-hour meetings with the child. "At this moment the leading child and you do only what he wants. In particularly critical cases, I recommend sydnicate every day for 15-20 minutes, " says psychologist. Second: you cannot release a child from the home, until you hugged him five times and 10 times not kissed. The number of tactile contacts, it is better not to reduce, but during the day, send the child a gentle SMS. And thirdly, if the alienation has already happened, show the child that it is important for you and everything will work out. One teacher and mother of three children with an older 15-year-old daughter of the problem was growing like a snowball. And one day, mom by night, when the load on the job and three children, wrote an essay on "Why I love rock". In the fan club, where her daughter attended was a competition for the best work on the idols. Mom listened to this all the entries daughters that were in the house. The essay then took first place. Stunned everyone, especially his own daughter. My daughter went positive response to my mother, and today they are big friends".
Experience famous moms and dads
Alena Gromnica, chief editor of the magazine "Profile", the mother of a 13-year-old Zhenya:
- What the child brings up the sitter, for parents to compensate impossible. No candy and other gifts will not help - I don't even seduced. Try at least an hour a day to talk with Zhenya. We talk a lot about the fact that everyone in my life my choice, and I can't always be home. But it does not save. Moreover, it is now a transitional age. In it the spirit of contradiction and all taken in arms. Jane calls herself "glamorous Chivilcoy". Mom, of course, credibility, but to appease its not so easy. Sometimes saves the upcoming trip to London in an English school for language practice. Eugene there is very committed and ready on much for the sake of it. In General, Eugene raised my Spartan. Grandma had been with her for very long - she is also a business man. I'm against pamakani the word "buy this and this". But my husband (stepfather Genis - Auth.), "is", she found in him "weak link". Over the weekend we together watch some movies. Often visit my friends - she likes adult society. Well, the thing with her pleasant is traveling abroad for new impressions.
Yuriy Pavlenko, the Minister of Ukraine for family, youth and sports, Pope Victor 6, 5 years and Alexey 3, 5.
In the morning the boys and be sure all procedures in the bathroom doing together. They question. Then, as a rule, I will take senior school. And on the way we are communicating: what is bothering him, what problems, what job he has today. Try to 21.00, up to a maximum of 22.00 to be at home and ask them how was your day. If you are reluctant to talk, ask, ask, ask until you razgovoritsa. The main thing is to have patience: I better five times to repeat something or ask - they should not feel that because of the employment I speak to them in a hurry. And if I'm not traveling, sleeping in their bed I tell them tales of his work, because everything is already several times told. Yet we have a game to tell stories in the queue. We have decided that children expressing their views on any situation: how to arrange things that will cook. We are talking on equal terms, and they can even give me convince. For instance, senior always able to insist, what clothes he should wear. Sunday I try to do weekends and be with his sons. In the past we rode bikes. We had a family task: to teach the younger to ride a bike. If possible, try to take the boys to events where I in virtue of his office be required to be. And this is also part of our communication.
Ruslan Moroz, the daughter of Alexander Frost, Director of beauty, mother of Diana 16 years, Sasha 14, Leah 8.
- Our task - as you spend more time with children. This does not mean, time to play, time to read, but to be most of the time together, despite the work. We take our children on all workouts, do our homework, teach English. Especially important the first three years of school, when the child learns to learn. I live next to them, watching the admissions and assignments. That's the main thing. Of course, it is impossible to grasp the immensity, so, one day comes the nurse, and my husband and maximum upload your day job.
Babysitter almost like a grandmother. Because my mother is ill for more than 30 years, and mother of her husband now in Tbilisi. But, in my opinion, generation "before" and "after" parents are much closer to each other than the generation of their parents and children. Whenever possible, you should arrange a meeting grandparents and grandchildren. Use every opportunity to teach children independently to achieve goals. Wanted a dance school - supported, but to work on the "PA" and to get along with the teacher the children themselves. All my children know how to cook, especially Sasha. Lacka 5 years she could make a salad. The sincerity of the relationship begets respect, trust, warmth. We can openly Express disapproval of this or any other act of the children, and the children - us. All evening and weekend together with family is not even discussed.
Author:
Inacheve N.
Source:
Today
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