Rejected
What excuses will not hear from the "saucy of razvedenoj" in a conversation about the possibility of a new marriage. "I was already there - I did not like", "first-then just pushed, give a little rest", "soup-borscht, socks-shirts? Thank you, have jumped" are just a few examples of explanations of their reluctance to try again to create a family of his own. Serious and sane formulation is also not good. More than half of respondents are inclined to relationships without commitment, the rest does put on a cross - change the priority of career and child-rearing. Psychologists have identified several major problems associated with trying to arrange a personal life after a failed first marriage:
The uncertainty in the success
Divorce does not add points of personal self-esteem, and strength and desire to understand what caused the break, just no.
Children's question
"My child has a father. He doesn't live with us, but to imagine him as a stranger man moved to us and takes the place of his father next to me, I just can't." So think many divorced mothers.
Emotional fatigue
Girlish imagination first marriage is in a romantic light, the woman experienced knows that the family is work. The need to make an effort again to get up to the machine, whether it be the proverbial stove with pans or contingent work over and above the preservation of relationships, all of it beats hunting to get married again.
Don't try
"It is obvious that the woman, after marriage, loses a huge amount of illusions, - says Natalia Hauser, psychotherapist, specialist clinics Medinterswiss. She knows that life together is not only an opportunity to be together, but also a large number of responsibilities, routines, different views, painful discussions, joint plans, family budget and other things. Why do I need it for the second time? This question is not so easy to answer. That is why many women, once tasted the joys and sorrows of family life, not to strive not to create a new family, but also to have more or less serious novels, fearing that a new relationship will be like two drops of water similar to the old ones.
But instead of being afraid to commit, it is possible to build new relationships, correctly assessing the previous. To begin to better understand what is absolutely necessary that unimportant, and what is unacceptable. Understanding what kind of person you want to see next, greatly increases the chances to do it the second time more successful and durable". Fear again failed to build relationships already in another marriage - unfounded. "Second family often creates a familiar model, says psychologist Irina Savenkova. In such cases, and they say well-known "all men are the same", while the second husband just might be the complete opposite of the first. The woman provokes different men on the same response. There are even concepts such as "potential wife of the alcoholic, for example. With the kind of wife any man runs the risk to become an alcoholic - so strong accent she does on a daily basis that can not drink, at the same time bringing herself to his desire to get drunk and forget.
If you will be able to understand what perverse incentives you give the men, forcing them to behave not as you like - change and reaction. Stop cut for lack of money won't get in response is "then I'm nothing ladies". Stop playing the victim-rabbit, and men-Boas will disappear from your life".
With new happiness
The right to arrange a personal life at its sole discretion have each of us. It is hardly necessary to impose itself a decision of the question, if you are not prepared mentally. Among the errors admitted in the second marriage, one of the first places just belongs to zeal as quickly as possible to find the children of a father instead of find a husband. Or, for example, jump marry unloved, but serious and organized, because the first was a womanizer and a klutz in psychology, this effect is called the principle of the pendulum. However, if the bottom of my heart, you admit that the family is something without which you do not feel happy, to dispel the doubts and fears of a second marriage will help the following rules.
Once and for all close the door to the past. The failure of the first marriage is the failure of the Union, and not your personal blunders. The family is two people, and your new partner is absolutely not obliged to pay for the sins and the wrongs of its predecessor.
Before saying Yes, agree with your partner about relationship models that would suit both of you. Life, home duties, the birth of children - you should not take something that will give you the feeling of burden. Remember that you marry to be happy.
Your children need not only your attention but also a sense of stability and confidence in the fact that the family is not always something that can fall apart at any moment. Married the second time, you will be able to give them an example of a close, loving couples, regardless of what part in their life takes them by his father.
- Create new General rules and traditions. People, after marriage, it is difficult, that is, to intermarry with the new spouse, even if there are strong feelings and desire to be together. Family dinners, joint travel, personal and intimate celebrations create a feeling of closeness and leave pleasant memories.
Source:
Women's information and entertainment portal WDay.ru
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