They say that they are unreliable, selfish and don't know how to love. Say this about men, of course, women. Is it true? Modern men are not able to truly love or they just do it differently?
The first thing you tell a woman about men: they don't understand, passive, generally no. But if you continue the conversation, everything changes: it turns out that without men is difficult, they are strong, they want to rely on, well, what they are Asking... men, we will first hear flattering words about women: they are soft, tender, responsible, warm-hearted... But if men will razotkrovennichalsya truly, you will find quite different: "These bitches do not know what they want"... What a deep and mutual misunderstanding!
They choose the Internet
37% of respondents admitted that they cannot imagine their leisure time without a computer, and sex expressed only 29% (besides its attractiveness sex little different for them from communicating with friends, gained 28%.
Really all it is? "To be honest, the numbers I am not surprised, " says family therapist Alexander Chernikov. - Social networking, search, information, blogs, downloading music, books, games, movies - all this is extremely popular in modern society. In addition, the belief that sex with men in the first place, is nothing more than a stereotype. Actually one of the common complaints today is the reluctance of the partner to have sex. And more from a sexual relationship takes a man".
To the stereotypes we'll be back, but now about the reasons for refusal of sexual relations. Enough: chronic fatigue, stress, monotony, emotional dissatisfaction with the partner, fear of intimacy. In addition, an equally large number of men and women are not able to love, to love, to experience strong feelings.
Passion is a form of madness, and in this sense there is no sex. It is irrational and cannot last forever. When stormy love comes meaningful relationships, this is manifested in including the language in which we describe the life of a couple: the construction (joint life), establishing (relations, life), currency (opinions), division (roles, responsibilities). And here come to the fore stereotypes and contradictory expectations that generate gender conflicts. What should be a man and a woman? Who's the boss: the husband or the wife? Who should earn the money and who to sit with the children? The tower of Babel, as we know, failed to build because the builders once spoke different languages. Not face this danger to those who are building a life together in pairs?
They don't torture yourself with doubt
That masculine language of love became clearer, we must bear in mind that men do not tend to question and analyze, when in all good relationships. "They just love, " says family therapist Inna Khamitov. This ability to be clear, simple and lies their strength. For joy it would be enough wine and loved. The woman will ask yourself many questions. What good is this man? Sufficiently chilled wine? Oh, it's red? I wish I would have preferred white... women have two big problems: they always want more and do not know how to separate the important from the unimportant".
DC women's dissatisfaction often discourages men. Men feel women's dissatisfaction, but do not hear their own desires. They think it is important to meet the expectations of women, not to disappoint her. Whatever you say, in this quest, there is something for children to do as you say Mama...
Speaking of mothers... Can you blame them that their sons were growing up, do not know how to love? "Psychoanalysis has long abandoned the idea that all unhappiness in life occur because the mother in childhood loved him wrong, " says analyst Andrew Rossokhin. - Donald Winnicott spoke of the "good enough mother", implying that a woman does not need to care for the child perfectly. And it seems to me essential to add opposite assertion that a mother should be and "bad enough", don't be afraid to frustrate today child, keeping in mind their desires, and needs.
You cannot treat the child as part of itself. You cannot drown him in tenderness, stronger gripping arms, if he tries to escape... it is Important to give him the opportunity to go, something to see and discover yourself. It is in the relationship with the mother of the child (especially a boy) gradually withdraws his infantile omnipotence, realizes that he cannot be all that there is no absolute freedom, learns not only infinitely to receive but to give." If he has this experience, he is better prepared to build loving relationships with women.
They have become hostages of stereotypes
But back to the main point: how can you still like men? "It's very difficult to generalize: men differ from each other much more than women, " said Alexander Chernikov. - The only thing you can say for sure: men are inferior to women in emotionality, especially if in the formation of the "I" they focus on the way a real man, macho man, a symbol of antirestenotic. Such men do not show their emotions (often do not feel and do not understand them), believe that have to cope with their problems, to be strong. Because a "real man" must be competent in all matters, many people are afraid to make mistakes, out of the role of all-knowing and vseumeyuschego. If a man is able to recognize that it is something you may not know (not know), he is much more willing to dialogue".
Women also suffer from stereotypes, generating contradictory expectations. Imagine, for example, a couple where the wife makes a career, earn money, and the husband is less busy with work and spending more time with children... As women typically refer to this unusual division of roles in the family? "In principle, I am satisfied, but I wish my husband was more independent". Why? "In a society still have a strong idea that a man should provide for his family - meets Alexander Chernikov. - Now, however, this stereotype is added and the second husband must be a good father, capable of tenderness. To combine these two roles is difficult. And when immersed in one of them the second one inevitably begins to suffer, and that annoys women and tension in the family".
In the most successful version in a couple include three components - passion, intimacy, commitment, who first highlighted the psychologist Robert Sternberg. Especially often in men "lame" proximity, believes Alexander Chernikov: "They can do without emotional warmth, understanding, sensibility, which cannot be said about women, which attachment is fundamentally important. Because of the lack of emotion men are very often lost in the relationship and unwittingly give the initiative to the women".
They live in a period of upheaval
So, expectations change, stereotypes don't work - why? A decisive role in the collapse of the customary gender order played started in the 70-ies of the last century sexual revolution. "She was the first female revolution, argues sociologist Igor Kon. And has led to the fact that women in many ways changed the rules a love game. And men, not asking any specific questions, blindly followed". It's hard to blame them for this kind of behavior: for centuries they were brought up by brave warriors, they had no right to show their feelings, their inner world was suppressed, in fact, they were forbidden to be themselves.
The men realized that their order has changed, but has not been able to contribute to these changes. Perhaps they just did not have time to do it? "Social status, activities and psyche of women are changing faster and more dramatically reflects Igor Kon. And it's not a total adaptability women: any radical social change carried out primarily those who are interested in them, in this case women. And the ruling class - men care about preserving the status quo. They are in no hurry to give up and do it only under pressure".
Men still believe that a strong, courageous man, who approves the state and society, there is demand. But in real life this image is no longer attracts. Women forced his companions new "rules" in the relationship and believe that to love properly is to love... a woman. However, man - what a pleasant surprise! - still not quite turned into women... But many ladies forget about it and continue to look for in their heroes soul mate.
They love differently
For many centuries men treated women as an object. Alas, it is. But at least they did not try women to remake! The women wished to change men, not afraid to lose this magic Yin and Yang complementarity. It is possible, if not try to change men, they will cease to wonder and to adapt, to meet women's expectations and copy feminine love, and get to know yourself and be able to finally be in love themselves. Because men love - passionately, gently, shyly, awkwardly, hard and deep. Love like a man.
Author:
E. Shevchenko
Source:
PSYCHOLOGIES
No comments:
Post a Comment