Sex for sex - why did we agree to this, if each of us wants a big and pure love? What do we expect from such a relationship and save whether they are from loneliness?
... And no one's hand to apply
What pushes us on this? Hurt, pain, fear, loneliness, desire for revenge and to prove, disbelief and desire to receive confirmation of their value, boredom, despair, sports interest, much less - just physiology.
Which is better - sex without love or no sex at all? To answer this question is not easy for someone sex is inconceivable without emotional attachment, and someone goes to such relationships easily.
Olga, 28 years: "After we parted with Marat, idiotic, of course, because I could not recover. The depression was prolonged, my girlfriends and forcibly dragged me to the club. I sat like a statue, and looked at the crowd nothing seers eyes. And there beside me was a man. I don't remember what we talked about. I don't even remember his face. I remember that he had exactly the same fingers and palms, as Marat, and still remember his inhumanly strong desire these hands to surrender. We no longer saw him. But I felt better".
Svetlana, 35 years: "fight fire with fire?.. No, it's just not for me. See, I know exactly what's going to become attached to the person. Or rather, I can't go to bed with him, if I don't feel for him no emotion. For me sex is an option worse than to be one. It's like wavelets in the mud: while tinkering is fun. And then sickening".
Two sides of the same coin
And what do men? As it turned out, much simpler and easier. In ninety cases out of a hundred casual sex for men - it's just new numbers in the phone, more respect and uvazhuha" from buddies, another trophy, extracted them without much effort. A minimum of problems and maximum pleasure.
But women are very often prone to wishful thinking, not realizing that experienced orgasm together (or even two), is not a guarantee of future relations.
Sergey, 34 years: "Marinka I saw at the party. Ah, what was that girl, as she danced! We got acquainted. At that time I was not free my girl she left for an internship in London. I invited Marina to himself. To my surprise and joy, she agreed. But, damn, the girl to understand what counts man, making such proposals. And she should understand that you should not expect it.
All ended in the best traditions of soap Opera - shining Marina, stepping out of the shower in the morning, began to build a brighter plans about our future together. I silently showed her a photo of Anya. There was a scandal. Conclusion: guys, don't mess with stupid".
Side effects
With physiology is more or less clear: hormones, physical attraction, the damage is long abstinence. But with the psychology of the situation is much more complicated.
Comments Anatoly Kitsenko, psychologist:
"About men we will not speak. Man - this model is the most simple and primitive equipment, forgive me stronger sex. I want to warn women.
When a woman agrees to a random relationship, in most cases, it requires not so much sex as overhaul of self-esteem. And "he" is here. All painted, with a full set of tools to fix the self-assessment. His eyes never leave, sweet speech leads - in a word, repairs. And here would be the woman to stay - popliteal, I heard a lot of compliments, gave to kiss the knob, and well.
But if she consents to sex, she firmly need to know one thing: she had better be unlikely. But worse - exactly. The casual sex a lot of side effects, it is as an analgesic, which relieves pain but does not cure the disease, and therefore recurrence of depression cannot be avoided.
From the point of view of psychology such relations are only safe for women with male mindset: come-see-won-forgot and moved on. But in my long practice of these women I have never met, though of course they are".
Rules of psychological security
If you decide to have sex for sex, these few tips will help you to get out of the situation with minimum losses. We won't talk about the obvious things - such as a condom. Let's talk about how to avoid unnecessary attachments.
1. If "in the yellow Jersey," you have withdrawn from the party of the great man - great! This will increase self-esteem, rejoice for yourself. But.
2. Remove the nose rose-colored glasses. Do not be deceived, thinking that you are the only one this has managed to unravel his soul, and now she belongs to you. Does not belong.
3.Your deep inner world man cares little, so don't try to quote Mandelstam in bed. Do better business and get maximum pleasure.
4. Be light. Don't ask questions and make scenes. You had fun together - it's great! Positive emotions - a great recharge for the body. And on a larger count is just silly.
5. Are you married but could not resist? So be clever not rush to the faithful to repent. Remember the sad experience of Anna Karenina. Well, happened. And that now, under the train to rush?
6. If you have started to receive the drive only from casual sex is an alarming symptom. Casual sex because of the so-called that it is a matter of chance. But the craving for him it is a regular occurrence. The problem of multiple sexual relationships in the fact that after a long, real relationships to build extremely difficult. It's like hooked on stimulants: there is a chance not to get off.
7. Read the classics. Omar Khayyam, for example. The wise Persian knew exactly what he was talking about: "You had better starve than have a horrible. You better be alone than with just anyone".
And this last suggestion can be considered universal.
Source:
Sex-log
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