Only I start to play with something interesting, like mom is screaming: "get ready! Go! ". Still in all these theatres and museums, I only think about my game!
The game desperately needed a first-grader. In his life came a time when games give him the necessary knowledge, raise it to a new stage of development. But how to explain this to my parents, who are deaf to the true needs of the child?
Children who are brought up strictly and all the time forced to obey, we have to suppress their desire. Why dream if still dreams will never come true? This leads to frustration - negative condition that occurs when the needs are, and to satisfy them is impossible. Then the energy that is designed to meet the needs, reborn in the energy of hate, of destruction. Frustration turns man on one of the three development paths.
The first path
Man unleashes his destructive energy on himself. In young children it is expressed in constant diseases, and teen - addiction to alcohol, Smoking or drugs.
The second way
The destructive energy is directed at other people: forming hatred for others, the desire to hurt them.
The third way
The child agrees with the views of parents and sincerely believe that this opinion is his own. As a result, the self-knowledge he does not develop his "I" is not formed own beliefs. He waits for him will instruct authoritative people.
Yes, probably, it'll be a good employee, acting in good faith orders, always satisfied with the salary and nothing more from life is not waiting. He can be a decent husband, who doesn't believe in the existence of love. But will he happy? Then, in his old age, he will say, "I had to live a different life! " So why not allow him to live differently now, while it is small? Let's help him to understand himself, to know himself and to find his place in this world!
Practice shows that the more overpowering the child in the preschool and early school age, the harder it will be his teenage crisis. The child obeys obeys, and suddenly... again! "Go where you want, and none of your business! " But fourteen-year-old son force will not keep! Here is the result of a child's frustration. Parents tortured child, did not want to understand him, now he will torment them and refuse to understand them. They were stale, and it became stale.
Mom will ask myself, "Why the son is hiding everything from me? When lost trust between us? " You know, when. Even in childhood, when he sincerely told her about their sale posts, and she had shamed him. When he wanted to get her a gift for the holidays nick, and she scolded him for what he is without asking, took a pair of scissors. His opinion then no one listened, his arguments were ignored. Somehow, when they walked past a kiosk, the boy timidly asked mom, "Can I buy a dinosaur? " Mom said angrily to him, "we've Got a house full of junk! " Objections, she did not accept. But then what confidence can we talk? And would then adult child to understand her and sympathize with her?
Children who are always allowed to have an opinion and defend it through a teenage crisis are easier. They don't need to fuss and slam the door. They can quite easily explain to parents where you are going, and give arguments in favor of his decision. They will also listen to the arguments of the parents if they mind. The main thing is to be able to conduct a constructive dialogue!
However, as practice shows, adults often do not know how arguments to prove their point of view, but because of a dispute with the child moving to a Creek, which, of course, unacceptable.
To master the art of the dispute, it is necessary first of all to learn the proper argumentation. The argumentation is based on the laws of logic. First you need to properly build the thesis. For example, parents want to convince the child that going to disco dangerous. The thesis should be formulated clearly to avoid ambiguity.
For example, the phrase "We don't like your behavior! " is ambiguous because it is unclear what parents have in mind.
In the course of the proof of the thesis should remain unchanged. If we are talking about the dangers discos, we need to talk about.
What can be errors in the construction of the conversation?
- Loss statement. Discouraging the child from going to the disco, you started to talk about the dangers of night clubs, and then started talking about the dangers of drugs. Then I remembered that Vanya from the third entrance - addict, and it was such a good boy! So the conversation doesn't go to the party, you need to constantly monitor itself.
- Full substitution thesis. Putting forward a certain position, for example, "In Nightclubs dangerous", you begin to prove something else that is close or similar meaning. For example, the danger of night walks at all. A variation of the substitution thesis is the trick, when discussing specific situations pass to the discussion of the identity of the interlocutor.
Another form of substitution statement is a "logical Skye sabotage" when, unable to prove his thesis, we will concentrate the attention of the person on the other thesis, is very important, however, not directly connected with the original. For example, speaking about the dangers of discos, you begin to prove that you do not sleep at night is very harmful. So the discussion artificially switched to another topic.
Partial substitution of the thesis. During the conversation you are trying to modify his thesis, narrowing or reducing too General or a dramatic statement. "We allow you to go to clubs at all, but just not this time! "
On the contrary, the thesis of the opponent you are trying to modify in the direction of increasing or expanding, so it was easier to refute him: "So you're saying that an adult and can do whatever you want? " But the child didn't say that, he just said he wanted to go to the disco.
The argumentsthat they were convincing, the following requirements:
a) as arguments can be only such provisions, the truth of which no one doubts;
(b) provisions must be proved independently of the thesis;
c) the arguments must be consistent;
d) arguments should be sufficient.
The arguments in the aggregate shall be such that they flowed prove the thesis.
When reasoning there are two types of errors.
1.
Failure argumentswhen certain facts are trying to justify a very broad thesis. For example: "disco to go dangerous, because your friend will take place after this disco beat".
2.
"Excessive proof". If too many arguments, then, eventually, they begin to contradict each other or look unconvincing: "Tomorrow it is cold outside, we should arrive grandmother on TV will be a good movie, so don't go to the disco! "
Don't use
logical trickswhen to substantiate his thesis he leads logically unrelated arguments.
The argument to ignorance:
"You have too little life experience, you don't know what is going on in these discos! "
The argument for the benefit of:
"If you stay home, we are your computer repair! "
The argument for common sense:
"Well, you're a smart man, why do I need you to explain something? "
The argument to the power of:
"If you go to the disco, money I don't give! "
The argument to authority of:
"Your friend Yura such discos never goes! "
The argument for compassion:
"Have pity on your mother! "
The argument for loyalty:
"You grow up in an intellectual family, and had to behave! "
Such arguments, you will not be able to convince the child. At best, temporarily prevent his going to the disco. But your task is to make the child found the arguments convincing and acted in accordance with them.
Learn to listen to your child. Try to seriously think about his position and put yourself in his place. How to get the child to listen to you? His example. If you will take seriously his opinion, he will learn as calmly and respectfully listen to your arguments.
Author:
Gum Yu
Source:
The health of the schoolchild
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