Life in a family where there is a problem of alcohol dependency is built around a dependent: quarrels, action control, constant thoughts about how to do to change the drinker. Alcohol addiction parents and the problems that have children relate very rarely, and in vain.
Unfortunately, the family flees from the recognition that alcohol is not just bad behavior, bad habit or a weak will, and it is a disease that affects not only the drinker, but also the whole family. When some of the parents there is alcohol dependence, the child usually takes on one of four roles.
"Family hero"
It is an obedient child who demonstrates excellence in various fields. The teacher or parent will never call it a "problem", on the contrary, it is probably the pride of the family and school. But much of what the child does, he does not because he has to, but for the approval of others: "to be noticed, praised to be the best". Their behavior is such a child sometimes looks like a small adult: serious, responsible, always ready to help others (because of his praise for it). It is very painful experiences for the slightest error, "four" is a tragedy. He cannot be wrong, otherwise it will become imperfect. He doesn't feel valuable and worthy only of the achievements and praise others give him the opportunity to experience it. And adults enjoy pass on such a child all responsibility for household chores, for performance in the classroom, for the conduct of the younger:).
When the child grows up: the willingness to take responsibility for everything and everyone remains for life: such children, when they grow up, they often become workaholics, choose partners needy people - emotionally unavailable, infantile or dependent on alcohol - which you should save and close you can feel needed and important.
"Scapegoat"
This is a child who lacks the strength and inner resources to get positive feedback and attention from the adults around them, as does the "family Hero". It is rarely praised for achievements, a very common phrase, teachers and parents in relation to these children: "it is not something to praise, he did not deserve". But the child needs to be noticed, so he is looking for other ways that will cause adults to pay attention to it: he answers back, skipping class, fighting with peers. Such a child a lot of pain and anger with which he cannot cope, he lacks the strength to overcome the obstacles that get in the way. Such children are afraid to see the real consequences of their actions. Necessary support from adults, as a rule, no; so selected methods available devices: these guys are often combined in groups in which they receive the missing support to them; many of them start early to alcohol and drugs come into conflict with law enforcement agencies.
This "problem" behavior of the child performs an important function for the family - it distracts attention from alcohol dependence father (or mother). Parents can spend years studying "ugly" behavior of the child, instead of to solve the Central problem of the family and to seek the necessary help. "Scapegoat" you can always shifting the blame for what is happening and to release all your negative emotions, which for the most part not connected with him, and with what is happening in the family.
When the child grows up: rebelliousness, hostility, blaming others in what is happening given the opportunity to avoid responsibility for their actions. Often this behavior persists into adulthood: it is difficult for them to succeed, to take responsibility and obligations.
"Clown"
The child can put on the mask of a Clown": he is always cheerful, active, sociable, always jokes, parodies others, and these jokes are not always appropriate and are becoming more and more unsafe for others. For such behavior, as a rule, is self-doubt and fear to build a close relationship, because they can bring the pain. The child is afraid that someone might laugh at him when he is not ready for this. And so he laughs at all, including on himself saying that he "still". Adults often make the mistake of thinking that he really still: laugh at himself, not his jokes.
In addition, the problem is that, having begun the clown, the child can not stop. When you talk to him one on one, it is quite adequate, but as soon as the child gets into a group of peers, he starts "acting up", to mimic others. And the more attempts to stop him, the more it distracts attention becomes, the more clowning.
This behavior of the child distracts the family from the problems that exist, and gives the opportunity to relax. As soon as tension increases in the family, need something to do", and then everything will turn into a joke. And it turns into a lifestyle: as soon as there is a serious problem, it is necessary to defuse the situation (the main thing is not to deal with the real problem, to get away from her decisions, forcing everyone to laugh).
When the child grows up: a child grows up, will continue to remain a "clown" who can't stay in his "jokes", saves the immaturity and not able to build deep relationships.
"Invisible angel"
Such a child is very convenient for parents: "there are so many problems, but at least with a baby luck, not cause trouble, is growing - not even notice as". As a rule, it is a quiet, shy kid who spends a lot of time in solitude, absorbed in his dreams and fantasies, avoids conflicts. He has few friends, he is very attached to things. And we rarely think: is it not important to defend your opinion? and he really has no discontent? Of course, this is not the case. In this way the child behaves because one of the basic sensations in his life is the feeling of unimportance and irrelevance: "I'm not interesting". He lives with anxiety that he alone with their problems and, as a rule, adults allow him to live and even proud of it. The real talent of this child cannot be shown because it does not believe not only in yourself, but in what it really needs someone and interesting.
The involvement of parents in conflict and family care, the child turns into a performance: "parents are not to me".
When the child grows up: as a rule, and in adulthood he preserves isolation, isolation, feeling of uselessness, of which he never speaks of little interest to life. Against this background, developing depression and other mental illness.
All described mask-roles do not contribute to the personality development of a child. They help him to survive in those conditions in which he found himself. Growing up, he will take this role with them into adulthood and will not be able to get out of it yourself. Therefore, regardless of the role chosen by the child, he needs expert help of a professional psychologist, no less, and maybe even more than dependent on alcohol.
Source:
http://www.diagnostika.spb.ru/
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