You in bed, prelude beautiful as suddenly... something inside clicks, and the inner voice is screaming, "no, I don't want to." Why suddenly lost the desire?
Aftertaste scandal
There are a couple who love to have scenes of jealousy each other, and then make love. But "talk" is not all - many women are simply not physically capable of violent showdown, all the passion burn within them. And they persuade themselves: okay, well I had a fight, well exchanged mutual accusations, well I heard a couple of offensive words. However, if that same evening, the husband tries to make love, clicks inside the switch senses and the desire disappears. And change can come tearing up to aggression.
Often this phenomenon is interpreted as an attempt to punish the partner, and women felt reluctance proximity after a quarrel, you start to blame yourself. Actually it's not so easy. Abstaining from sex in such a situation is not necessarily "revenge of the enemy" - as a rule, a woman just can't trust a man who offended her. If it is not splashed emotions during an argument, you may not so quickly to relax and open up.
What to do? Always speak what you don't like. Often it is enough just to tell my husband in the eye that he has caused you pain, what words and actions have hurt. It is important to talk about your feelings using "I" messages: "I hate it when you call me a fool, well I can... ", "I feel upset when you criticize my figure... " it is important to speak emotionally, that does not mean "hysterically yelling". To invest feelings in a calm speech.
But if emotions to Express failed, call the husband of the reasons for the refusal of their names, don't lay sick on the head or PMS. Yes, for many men, sex is a way to make sure that everything in your relationship well. However, if you the way to build relationships unpleasant - you have the right to say so.
The cold war
A similar situation is seen in protracted quarrel. Outwardly all is well, but in the soul of the woman accumulated whom grievances: a lot of money to spend on yourself, not paying attention to children, and so on. The body also says a resounding "no", although to a quarrel never came. And it's not the desire to "bargain", as many think, but that repressed from consciousness resentment keeps woman in tension, gives her to desire intimacy with a partner. And if she even agrees to have sex, you may not always experience heavenly pleasure.
What to do? From the cold war need to go and let the first step towards reconciliation will make the one who is wiser. But in General, try to break away from the usual range of concerns, refresh feelings. Rest and a change of scenery "reboot system" and make conversation about something that's bothering me less traumatic. If the issue souls't make sense to appeal to a family psychologist.
Critical days and months
Physiological rejection is not always associated with psychological. It is often physiology says "no". Toxicosis pregnancy, premenstrual syndrome... often make intimacy impossible - from the beloved sick almost in the literal sense of the word. But it is not necessary to seek psychological background where it doesn't exist.
What to do? Try to safely survive this period and tactfully explain to the husband of the problem. For example, the exclusion is exacerbated by the sense of smell can be removed, if the husband will agree to take a fragrant bath. But the "touch allergies" (when any touching of intimate areas causes a hypersensitive response, stress) to combine with love harder. But you can make love in the water, preferably in the pool, or even in the shower - it will be good. So you turn a difficult period in a memorable and unusual.
I blame
Not only situations when the pain is caused by man, can cause a desire to reject him in bed. Sometimes the feelings of guilt towards her husband kills female sexuality. Accidental betrayal, love in another, different thoughts and actions that have to be kept secret, - all this often disrupts sexual life.
What to do? First of all, understand that the reason your attitude to the problem and not the problem as such. Divide a sheet of paper into two columns - "misconduct" and "default". In the column of "misconduct" write: what's wrong you've done, how it harms your life... In the column "default" describe all the advantages your behavior, and then move the line and write about the disadvantages. Most likely will be minus one is a lie, but the advantages are even greater.
Yes, lying is bad, but if you are sincerely sorry about what happened, you have the right to remain silent. Recognition, of course, will ease your soul, but can permanently destroy the relationship with her husband. Choose once and for all, what matters to you. Talk with a psychologist, with friends that are much older than you, so you will understand that many couples happily celebrated their Golden wedding, have their own skeletons in the closet, and they did not prevent them to live together.
After injury
Sometimes beloved husband in bed doing everything fine, when suddenly some movement clause causes a panic attack and the desire disappears. As usually happens, if he did something that triggers memories of psychological trauma. For example, begin to caress his wife as did the man with whom she lived before. Or suggested something that made the other man, he forces her to have sex in his youth. Or tried to make love very drunk, and the woman's father was an alcoholic. In all such situations have occurred which caused the injury and its consequences now pull out from a state of bliss.
What to do? It is advisable to tell my husband directly about what you dislike. You may remain silent about some of the details of those circumstances or to distort them. It is important that the husband realized that the reason not in it, and in your past. If the problem is to make life difficult, it is necessary to address to the psychotherapist or the sexopathologist.
The workaholic syndrome
Sometimes the desire to make love is lost... when thinking about tomorrow: early in the morning to get up, to run to work, then go home and children. And the point here is not laziness and fatigue - image proteins in the wheel somehow does not fit well with the image of a sexy prostitutes.
What to do? Learn to switch between modes and to understand the main thing: spouse wants you, then to him you are sexy and attractive. Whatever the case, neither was in the morning, night is a time of love. But in the future make their own mark in the margins": you need a vacation and relaxation. If it is not possible to leave, try to find tools that are beneficial for body and soul: sauna, dancing, swimming, massage. After all, if the proximity of the first postponed indefinitely due to fatigue, then this leads to a cooling of relations, when the couple already can't remember how it all started, but I understand that moved away from each other.
The opinion of the psychologist
Most of the problems with the sudden disappearance of desire it is possible to allow yourself. The main thing to remember is that a sharp and sudden rejection of the husband does not occur in a vacuum, and it is very important to avoid mutual grievances and to make sure that this relationship is not poisoned your life. If to cope with the situation fails, don't hesitate to seek help from professionals.
Author:
Nikitin A.
Source:
Best4Woman
No comments:
Post a Comment