Understand me!
Some adults prefer to just forget about those cases that were wrong. It seems important to preserve the image of infallibility and self-confidence, in order not to lose the respect of children. However, you should consider the fact that children tend to feel guilty whenever he sees that the parent is dissatisfied with something.
Apologizing to your son or daughter, an adult takes responsibility, addressing the emotional burden that is crushing on baby's shoulders. How nice it would be to a child to know that her mother criticized him figure not because he considers the young artist mediocrity, but because of trouble at work! Losing reputation of impeccable man, you are doing much more important acquisitions:
- increase the level of trust in your relationship with your child: it turns out that you are as a real person, as he did, and also can make mistakes;
- teach your child to forgive;
- give your son or daughter a reason to respect you because it takes courage to admit they were wrong;
- help the child to feel confident that you will continue to treat them fairly.
How to admit that you were wrong?
Do not tighten with apologies. The longer you do not acknowledge his guilt, the greater the stress experienced by the son or daughter, trying to find a reason in itself.
Do not try to justify mistakes fatigue, bad mood or other reasons. Otherwise, the child may get the impression that it is less important to you than, for example, a conflict with the boss. Shifting responsibility for any circumstances, you devalue apologize. For children it is important to understand your feelings, to feel love, to see the desire to make peace, so do not hesitate back tears and don't hide the excitement. You can share with your child your problems, adding that it was impossible to break it.
Do not attempt to make amends with exaggerated attention, affection or gifts. Children's perception and thinking are specific, so while the child will not hear the words "sorry" or "excuse me", it will not leave a feeling of vagueness and uncertainty.
Do not try to translate a serious conversation into a joke. Pretending that nothing happened, you thereby give to your child that his feelings are not important.
At the same time, we should not dramatize the situation and to engage in self-flagellation, stating that you are a "bad mother" or "don't know how to raise children". The child may decide that further to your advice do not listen, if you do not believe in their parental competence.
Do not promise your son or daughter that will never raise my voice, will not experience irritation and so on, You can't guarantee that will always control himself and not make any mistakes. Children are very sensitive to any promises, so you should not lay on the future of the bomb, giving the child the reason for the new offense. Better ask the student to remind you about the current unpleasant incident in similar situations. This will allow you to resolve conflicts at the earliest stages.
"I no longer will be"
To teach your child to apologize, parents should be able to forgive. If errors are children perceived the family as unacceptable, the guys often extremely difficult to admit their wrong.
In this case, the natural reaction is for students to hide their mistakes or blame another. At the same time he realizes that he has done wrong, and this understanding gradually leads to a kind of "split personality".
On the one hand, the child realizes that mom and dad love him. On the other hand, he is afraid that his parents will stop loving if the mystery will be revealed.
Strategy excessive demands and rigor in the education of children leads to negative consequences. This reduced self-esteem students, and fear to do something wrong, and the belief that parental love must be earned. If mom and dad are always ready child to understand and forgive, it is easier to accept as their own, and others ' shortcomings.
To admit their mistakes not injured children and at the same time, it was a sincere note of the following tips.
Many children prefer to hide behind a simple and universal language: "I no longer am! " While you and the child understands that a similar situation is possible in the future, and this statement makes no sense. It doesn't Express any emotion, while the person receiving the apology, it is important to see sincere regret. When you hear this phrase from the child, ask him about what he feels, why is sorry that it did not.
If the student something you are offended, do not demand from him an apology, not blackmailed by "retaliation": "Now ask for forgiveness, otherwise I will not allow you to watch TV! " Hearing the threat, the child begins to experience fear and aggression, as a result, the guilt fades into the background. Also not worth it for people to get son or daughter to apologize. Depart together in a party chat alone.
Encourage the child not to tune in to the fact that his apology should have an immediate effect and the person will immediately forgive him. Some people are forgiving, others vindictive, therefore, cannot be applied to a single stereotype. For example, do not apply with apologies to the outrageous is better to give him "cool".
Please note son or daughter that if there is an opportunity to correct his mistake, it should use. For example, it is not enough just to apologize for bottled tea at the table, you need to take a rag and wipe the puddle.
Tell the children about the different situations in which you should apologize. Sorry, you can not only bring after making any missteps, but also in advance, preventing possible errors. For example, referring to the busy person, you should say: "Excuse me, can You bother? "
Many students believe that if someone is offended or, in child language, "the first began," it gives them the right to any response. In such cases, conflicts between peers are tightened and come to a standstill. To help the child to build relationships with friends, convince him that in any quarrel both parties are guilty. But the one who apologizes first, is able to offer its own terms "peace".
Author:
Baulin M
Source:
The health of the schoolchild
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