Comparison of the basic operation by which a person learns. We grow, develop, and habit to compare gradually comes we have to automaticity. Then she is exacerbated by the desire for excellence. According to the famous psychoanalyst Alfred Adler, this commitment is a fundamental law of human life, which should compensate for our inferiority complex. However, if the pursuit of excellence dominates, the whole world seems hostile. Appears a kind of syndrome of excellence is an acute need to prove to everyone: "I'm better".
Occurs some paradox. On the one hand, we want, say, to lead the Department and can't accept the fact that appointed "not me, and that idiot". At the same time, we do not give rest to the inferiority complex, we do not believe in their abilities, and that is oppressing us. Often act like people who in childhood were told: "Sit and not keep it safe", "you still will not work". Negative injunctions settle deeply in the subconscious. And then, when you need to take a step towards your dream, insecure in their own abilities binds us like shackles.
However, it happens that no doubts gnaw at us: we are absolutely confident in their own abilities and opportunities. But it does not simplify the situation. The notorious alien success though gleefully asks us: "If you're so smart, then why were you spared? "
Often the rejection of someone else's success is due to the fact that we don't understand their true needs. As a rule, we follow the common clichés such as "prestigious", "ought to have". And if something seductive someone has, as we have perceived it as a defeat.
Defeat becomes a complete collapse, when their own development plan or completely blurred, or too straightforward.
We often overlook the fact that the perceived own life in one color. Our one-sided view of the surroundings does not allow you to look around and see alternative ways. And even more so to understand that all life for one purpose is not reduced.
We brutally programmable their life a success, without its delay or failure. We are unable to accept failure, and she is in the company of someone's luck begins to eat away at us.
We begin to revenge all around, including life, proving to her that it was unfair. This is a typical strategy of losers. Resentment, increasing our troubles, only exacerbates the situation. How to cope with the negative reaction to someone else's limousine?
How to learn to see in someone's success is a lesson, not a death sentence?
Acknowledge your feelings: envy, resentment, hatred. Try to realize that they are not constructive, because no closer to the goal. They only affect the nervous system and lead to poor health. And then lead one away from success. Check: my own feelings, we become their victim.
Stop comparing yourself to others. It is very difficult, but possible. If it is not obtained, then compare yourself with those who are less fortunate than you. You'll realize that it's not so bad.
Treat other people's success just as in some models of behavior that can be borrowed. Not preparingthe their feelings towards him. Preparingthe technology: it may be that fortunate, knows what can't you? How did he do it? What he had to do was?
Do not try to compete. Prefer collaboration and cooperation. Try out rivals and enemies to make partners and associates. Offer them their services. Try to build them a new relationship.
Consider other people's success not only as a social or material. Take its internal aspect. Ask yourself: what has been the man from the point of view of self? He opened new horizons? Or Vice versa: what he has achieved, largely cut off his wings? Are you ready for success to abandon what we have? Whether or not a goal is within your priorities? Maybe this success, by and large, absolutely not "your"? And your life is more significant accomplishments, they just lie in a different plane? It is possible that the ways in which someone used to achieve success, will be useful to you. And suddenly you will realize that they are not acceptable as you are guided in life by other principles? Moreover, will come to the conclusion that there there is nothing to envy?
Find the courage to assess the situation objectively. Whether your claim is adequate? Not preaching to the converted if you locked the door? Maybe your time has not come yet? Let's say you evaluate your prospects as real and waiting as adequate. Then what exactly have you done to make your dream come true? Much of what is decided, you have already made and still make? Indicate their main purpose. After that, whatever you do, control yourself: how faithfully you serve them?
Do not make hard their life. Always try to provide alternatives - and the more the better. Not had success today, tomorrow, day after tomorrow, in another place, with other people, in other circumstances. But only if you will make gradual steps towards him, and not to suffer feelings of others success. Locate the side benefits of your current troubles. Imagine the worst possible developments. Relief breathe: hasn't happened. Turn the situation. Say to yourself: perhaps the true meaning of what is happening have not found. Think about what can be the meaning and how you can benefit from it. Use is optional, it is only necessary to detect. Ruthlessly break the stereotypes of perception. Everything that you think is terrible, will appreciate as a gift of fate. Tell yourself: life gave me the chance to choose new circumstances. you only need to skillfully this chance to dispose.
Accept yourself and your life
For example, life has developed so that you ears are stuck in the swamp slime. And getting out, it is unclear. The first task: staying in the dirt, not to feel an integral part thereof? And especially peepers to answer: "Yes, I live here, so what? " The acceptance of life, whatever it was, gives you the opportunity to live. Acceptance of oneself in this life allows something in itself modify. Admit that sometimes I hate her for what her luxurious apartment, a rich husband, she four times a year resting abroad and surprisingly sexy. To say that you are mad, when your beloved demonstrates: he's smarter than anyone in the world. To admit that you are jealous of her sister, which is always full house of friends that all want to see, which all want to communicate. To admit that you still can't forgive school friend that she found a new company and is quite complete without your society. We often refuse to make this confession, because we condemn ourselves. But only the ability to accept yourself, not judging, opens the way to honest dialogue with them and to change. Accept yourself is hard, but even harder to take the next step: to take responsibility for the quality of their lives by himself. Abandon yourself today with all their feelings in the name itself tomorrow. For example, you have defined the problem: "I want to lead this Department. I gave this company a lot of time and effort. I am well versed in problem. The head had to assign me. Why he took the man? " Now ask yourself the question: "Why is it so important for me? " First you fall into a stupor, then think. Why is the head of "had"? Why do you think that people from less competent than you? What does it mean for you to be in charge of the Department? What do you miss now? Suppose that you have received this sweet place. Well. Are you sure that now you have everything in order, you are happy and have not lost anything? You probably already know that buying one, we sometimes lost, sometimes very important. Primaries this coveted position. Imagine yourself in it. It will require new worries, self-imposed, contacts, and t.d. Your family will love? And you? Interestingly, these simple questions often enough to look at the situation and myself in it through different eyes.
Specify axioms own philosophy. The principles that are very important to you. Beliefs that you can't give up. Now try - at least for some time to live "on the contrary". You will see that with a philosophy alien to you, too, can remain human. Maybe even successful. Treat yourself to a week of personal news" under the motto: "What can I do to change your life drastically? " Surprise yourself through your actions. Whatever happens, say to yourself with the inner smile: "All is well". You have substituted - "perfectly", you yelled - "wonderful". This "life in reverse" will help you see your own opportunities. And understand that you can be free even in the situation that you do not like.
Source:
Womenistika.ru
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