Speaking about domestic violence, many women often realize immediate physical impact on her. Beatings, forced forced sex, threats. In reality, the boundaries of negative actions on the part of men, is much wider. They are marked clearly by the legislation of Ukraine. Recently the issue of domestic tyranny, became the head of a number of social problems in the country. That woman is not obliged to sacrifice their mental comfort in the family, and says thematic advertising, and raised this topic in debates on TV, and the number of online resources that offer help in resolving this problem.
Today in Ukraine there are social assistance to victims of domestic violence. There can address both women and children who need the protection of the guardianship.
Any person living in Ukraine should be aware that our legislation has brought a number of articles confirming the integrity of any individual. The legal relationship of husband/wife in any case does not mean obedience and diligence of one of the spouses. Marriage and future life together, not that other, as the right, but not the obligation, couples. This right is also painted in the Family Code of Ukraine.
If you encounter this problem, but there are some important reasons why you are unable to stop the violence, or to terminate the marital relationship with her husband is a tyrant, be sure to consult the experts. As I mentioned, in Ukraine there are centers of social assistance on protection from domestic violence.
National hotline for prevention of violence
0 800 500 335
free from landlines
386
free for subscribers of MTS, life:), Kyivstar
One of the resources, the purpose of which is the ability to confront domestic violence, led pleased the most frequently asked questions, which usually refer victims of domestic tyranny.
What if the husband provides psychological violence in the family? All what I try to tell him, he doesn't listen or pretends not to hear. I was tired from such a life, but to throw it cannot, as we have two children. In addition, I love him and I wanted to have a former relationship. Can You tell me what you recommend?
If the man or woman you are unable to resolve the problem in the family circle, then you can seek help from professionals. This may be a psychologist or psychotherapist. If You have not had the opportunity to share without fear their feelings with their parents or with those who are closest to You in the past, You will likely find it difficult to talk about it with people You now people. And even in spite of their support, You still can't freely and openly Express their emotions. It is in these moments help of a psychologist or therapist can be very useful. When communicating with a person not project your fears can be opened completely, and analyze all of your family life.
Today there are many facilities that employ such assistants, dealing with family conflicts, or, as they say, family psychotherapy. Very important here is the moment of mutual passing such a course. Of course, the path to the creation of a prosperous family life is not always easy. This requires tremendous effort and patience, because the process of passing family psychotherapy can be very time-consuming and depends on how aggressively you work. Contacting a specialist, you will learn how to Express their feelings towards a friend, more to understand each other, learn the technique of resolving problems that arise due to misunderstandings. Usually we do not know how to behave with them, therefore, have trouble, shame and fear. You need to share them, because depression, bitterness, hurt and devastated by themselves will not go away, and even more will begin to worsen. As a result of family psychotherapy from the depths of the soul will rise to emotions, which you should get rid of. No need to surrender - better to actively analyze their feelings!
Communication in support groups also gives a positive effect. Being in the company of those who are close to You do not know, but is configured with sympathy, You have the opportunity to Express your awakened feelings.
And if You notice, albeit small, but the steps forward in Your family relationships, do not leave it unattended and approval. Remember, to learn new behaviours is not easy, and it takes time!
"My husband recently, I just hated, began to beat, to throw at me and the child with a knife and make fun of mentally! After another scandal he brings flowers and asks for forgiveness, says it won't happen again... I always forgive him and give a chance to fix it, but it does not help and the violence becomes even more cruel... How to be in this situation, help me find the solution? "
In order to find a way out of this situation, you must become aware of their own position in the family. You must clearly and firmly decide for myself whether I Want to change my life? ". Weigh all the "pros" and "cons". You wrote "love and hate"... it is Impossible to be at two places at the same time. You just need to decide. Find time for yourself and draw on a sheet of paper make two columns. In one column write down all the positive aspects of Your family life, and other negatives. After the list is complete, You will need carefully to consider, analyze and realize what is still more advantages or disadvantages?
1. If the advantages will be greater. Think about Your life and about Your child's life! After all, the child who was the victim of physical and psychological violence, or witnessed such a relationship between parents, receives a lesson. On the background of the received psychological trauma he clearly learns that this is the norm in family communication and this behavior is perfectly acceptable in any relationship that aggression can achieve the desired result. Over time, the child takes such an experience in their own adult life. You can be confident that in order to satisfy their desires need to use force or manipulation.
Yet there is such a thing as a "cycle of violence" or "wheel of violence". The first stage is the rise of the voltage. The second is violence itself. The third stage is called the "honeymoon". At this stage, the abuser apologizes, asks for forgiveness and promises never to be repeated. But here we must remember that in 99% of cases it will all happen again! It is proved that every time violence is becoming tougher and rougher. To take the position of full obedience and submission is not otherwise offenders who are not faced with a timely response, with a feeling of permissiveness, switch from verbal manipulation to physical violence. Remember the most important thing and the key - You are not to blame for the fact that her husband does to You!
2. If the cons will be more. This may be for You a real disappointment, but... You need to be ready for their own happiness and freedom must be overcome. No one has the right to beat You, to humiliate, insult and violate Your rights!!! And most importantly, if You start the fight, remember that You will need to finish the job! And this is very important!
Remember the proverb: "Who himself saves, and trouble bypasses". No need to close your eyes to the real facts and to persuade myself not to pay attention to the violence. If you are faced with the first (even "light") violence, think about your own safety and the safety of your child!
Do not be silent! Let's talk about your problem with your family, relatives, friends. Often, offenders fear of disclosure. And most important - do not turn in on themselves and do not sit at home. In this way, the output will be hard to find...
Remember!
Violence can be even tougher when the abuser learns about the desire of the victim to discontinue the relationship. If You decide to do so, be prepared to defend their rights and the rights of the child. Plan in advance possible solutions to such pressing issues as property division, child support, determination of residence. Of course, it is better to seek help from qualified lawyers social services or public organizations, whose services are free.
"Where to go for help in case of domestic violence. Besides, I threatened that they would kill if I ask for help! And I am really afraid that it will happen, because my husband rarely sober...
Help, what should I do in this case? "
If a conflict situation you cannot handle yourself, in this case, you should contact the law enforcement authorities. Understand, You have the right to a safe life without bullying and fear! In this case, you should clearly decide for yourself: You just want to complain in public institutions or really change your life.
The law of Ukraine "On prevention of domestic violence and provides for penalties against the perpetrators of violence, and measures to help the victims. In respect of persons already committed domestic violence or threatening to do this in the Arsenal district inspectors or employees of the criminal police for children there are ways out:
• issuing an official warning about the inadmissibility of violence in the family;
• taking the offender to preventive registration (1 year);
• the issuance of the protective order, according to which it is prohibited to take some action (action) in relation to the person aggrieved from domestic violence. Among the list of possible bans - conducting telephone conversations with such pronouncement or visit them etc.
If for a long time against You carried out acts of physical violence, You need to remove the beatings. The court also may direct the inspector or other officer of police of the district branch, to which You can apply for violence.
A written application is submitted to the chief law enforcement authority. It succinctly and clearly state all the circumstances of the incident, and expressed specific requirement regarding the consequences of the application. A written request may be sent as registered letter with delivery notification or filed in person. Be sure to copy that You keep should be the incoming number and the date of receipt of Your application law enforcement Agency.
If you stay home with the abuser dangerous and threatens Your health and life, You can contact the social rehabilitation centres and crisis centres for victims of domestic violence. They are found in almost all regions of Ukraine. Stay up to 3 months. Here You will be safe and can count on food, clothing, room, emotional and psychological support. In the Centre you can get individual advice of a lawyer, a social worker, as well as undergo psychiatric help. Feeling secure, You can safely and reasonably relate to the problems that have arisen in the family and decide how to proceed.
VIOLENCE CAN AND MUST BE RESISTED!
"We've been married for two years, but from time to time have conflicts, quarrels, insults at each other. To physical violence never came, but I understand that you want to change something in our relationship, because we want to be together, to keep the family together. What to do in order not to deepen the conflict? "
If we talk about the rules of behavior in conflict situations, they are simple - not to kill, not to raise your voice, listen to partner. But when we absorb emotions, we begin to cry out to kill each other, to remember the old mistakes and do the opposite. We mainly try to solve the question: "who is right and who is wrong? " Should the same approach to the conflict, in advance of abandoning this question, just stop looking guilty and defeated. Remember that everyone has the right to be different, not worse or better - just different. You should speak directly about that at the moment You care not to resort to indirect statements. Talk about yourself, and about what is happening in the moment, do not add the words "always", "never". Try not to blame anybody, because then you are trying to shift the blame on her husband, and herself look innocent victim. Recognize that your behavior can also complicate the situation. Show that you ready to meet.
Calls to the National hotline for the prevention of violence and protection of children's rights subscribers may obtain:
• General information about the problem of violence in society and ways to protect their rights;
• Professional socio-psychological, legal (including litigation support and information support;
• Consultations concerning violations of the rights of the child (the involvement of children in prostitution, pornography, child abuse) and their solutions;
• Advice on safe behavior of children on the Internet;
• Phone numbers of district inspectors of police, the criminal police for children, centre for social services for family, children and youth, services for children and public organizations providing assistance to victims of domestic violence.
Safety rules in case of physical violence:
• Consider their actions in the case, if the act of violence will take place again;
• Do not be silent! Tell us about your problem family, friends, friends (the people you trust the most) and be sure to seek help from professionals;
• Pre-locate the place where you can go in case of danger;
• Try to avoid arguments in the bathroom, in the kitchen, where there is a sharp and cutting objects. If a dispute is unavoidable, try to stay in the room so that if necessary it would be easy to get.
• Work with your neighbors to call the police if you hear the cry of Your house (flat);
• Hide spare keys from the apartment (machine) so that you could take them and quickly leave the room in case of danger;
• Hide in a safe place required amount of money, a list with phone numbers, passport, documents of the child, other important documents, as well as clothing and essential drugs;
• Remove or take with them all papers with possible information about You that would help the offender to determine the place of Your stay (notebooks, envelopes with addresses and other);
• Decide in advance what valuables (jewelry, etc. will take. If necessary you can sell or lease the collateral;
• Ask for help in law enforcement: police Department in room 102 or to the district superintendent.
• Contact the district police Department to direct the passage of forensic medical examination in case of injuries sustained. Expert witness to the severity of the inflicted beatings and would be strong evidence in court;
• Consult with a lawyer, who will tell you where to start and how to prepare the documents for resolving the situation;
• Keep handy the telephone numbers of social services, crisis centers and rehabilitation centers, non-governmental organizations providing assistance to victims of domestic violence;
• Share information about where to turn, and if a similar situation happens with a familiar person;
• Ask for help at the National "hot line" on combating violence and protection of the rights of the child.
Safety rules in case of psychological violence:
• Do not respond with aggression to aggression;
• Not to shout, get angry and cry;
• Not to be alone and to enlist the support of loved ones;
• Politely refuse that does not suit You, and resolve, from what can be dangerous.
• Recognize their own position in the family, thus changing the attitude of the offender to himself;
• Try to talk with the abuser as quietly, clearly conveying their feelings and experiences.
• Your gestures and facial expressions should not cause aggression on the part of the offender;
• Try to explain that conflicts in the family, the child suffers;
• Be a strong and confident personality!
• Seek help from professionals practicing family psychotherapy and try to do it together with the abuser.
• Learn to love and respect yourself!
• Even the slightest change for the better not leave without attention and be sure to approval mark;
• You must overcome your fear and take the first step!
• Ask for help at the National "hot line" on combating violence and protection of the rights of the child.
And last:
Dear women! Do not be afraid to assert your rights! Life is given to us once, why spend it in tears and despair? Learn to love yourself. It is the respect to itself is the key to successful and happy life.
Help is available on these sites:
www.la-strada.org.ua
www.ostanovimnasilie.org.ua
Author:
Elena Lysenko
Source:
here
No comments:
Post a Comment