There are alternative forms of classical family:
- civil marriage;
- "guest" (partners live in separate areas and, like the heroes of Chernyshevsky Vera Pavlovna with the spouse, go to each other's homes);
- family, educated homosexual partners;
- childfree - a family that refused children;
- a family with a child, but without a father, when a woman chooses to give birth "for themselves".
So vanishes if the institution of marriage or just modified? Do you have family or, like the falling tail, it became a social thing? These questions were answered by the head of Department of educational psychology, Institute of psychology, Russian state humanitarian University, author of "Psychology of the soul", "Functional psychology, doctor of psychology, Professor Vitaly Shabelnikov.
Why family
Nothing appears to be simply so. The family as a phenomenon has arisen and exists - so she needed. But the concept of "family" you can attach different meanings. And now the "family" is really something different than before. In some ways it has remained the same, something has changed.
Once a person has ceased to be an animal and was actually a man, immediately there is a need in the family - there is a generic system. Primitive life forms family is not needed. In many animals for the survival of the species it is sufficient that the male fertilizes the female and in the process of making a baby is not involved, it's just not necessary. And we humans are more complex than animals, so as to survive, it becomes harder. A woman and a small child vulnerable, they need protection - there is a need in the family....
The family helped to survive as an individual to its members and society in General. So in those ancient times originated the society survived, needed a mechanism internal to the organization, and thus became involved in the family. "Family," then were different than they are now - large, including many relatives. This helped to survive in the wild conditions.
The family became a form of group protection each of its members separately, we are more vulnerable than together. And in this we differ from our ancestors: Yes, the world around us has changed, but to this day the family needs us as protection. It is simply not on a primitive level - all tribes to defend themselves from a cave bear, and the subtle, social...
The family protects against external aggression the world, and most need the protection of the weak - especially children. They can't grow without protection, and on his mother's side and father's side. The child always needs a family, and the family is equally important both parents. After all, mom and dad take care of the child differently...
Such different roles
The mother is responsible for the internal space of the family, for what is happening in the house. It is as if "the lady of the house". And the man works in outer space, he is biologically involved in childbirth is minimal, and therefore more free and invulnerable. Man - "hunter", "the breadwinner": these roles are saved now. He is the mediator between the family and the world, defender of him... And difficult conditions of life a woman stands under the protection of men.
The greater danger is surrounding world, the more important man - he protects the family. he protects the family. If natural living conditions are tough and the neighboring tribes - aggressive, role of men increases. Tough survival conditions contribute to the strengthening of the role of men. Before these "stringent conditions" were more connected with the natural world, now with social. The threat is not saber-toothed tiger, and terrorism, wars, etc. And when the company is in a favorable and secure to the fore in the family leaves the woman.
Man conquers new territory - both literally and figuratively (in terms of career achievements, material acquisitions...). And the woman in this territory is developed. Remember the tale of rabbit and Fox, each of whom built the house? Only the hare - bast, and Fox - ice. The woman is difficult to create a "bast building, she is busy with other important matters - child, etc. So protected building built by man, and it creates a comfort woman. And harmony in the family, the outcome is different than in the tale, prosperous...
Both the man and woman play in the family and in society are equally important role, just different. In societies secure, peaceful, prosperous, as already mentioned, a stronger role for women. In situation of disasters, wars, terrorism, the role of men and society in General becomes more masculine. So in some social groups: for example, military organizations or competing businesses live hard "male" rules.
And how are we?
Interestingly, the family we are divided into two types. This stratification originated from pre-revolutionary times.
Management of the state, its security, including the conduct of wars, carried out the noble families, and they reigned man. The woman could not prevail in such circumstances, the headship in the family was associated with the social role of men as warriors and fight for their rights went badly - remember Anna Karenina. Riot Anna Karenina expressed growing crisis of the nobility in the nineteenth century.
And people have formed a different type of family, protected from wars segments of the population, the role of women in the family was great. As Nikolai Nekrasov: "Is this woman to mass before the whole family to come...".
In Russia there was always a conflict of these two traditions: family "elite" and family "of the masses". These two types of families remained in the Soviet time. On the upper echelons of society in the hard struggle of the family was built with the dominant role of men, this is clearly seen in the Stalin era, when the wife of the leaders of the country were virtually powerless. But the Soviet people for the most part kept a matriarchal family type.
The modern situation is more complicated. At first glance, it gives the woman more economically dependent on men, educated and having a profession, acquiring their own importance in the society. But! Oddly enough, the woman now, on the contrary, more dependent, as it was formerly defended by the state, the Soviet family was matriarchal. Now the state has provided more freedom to the citizens, including freedom of competition and conflict, and the reverse side, it has less to protect citizens. And it revives the male function in society. Many women have to take on male roles in society, to be more aggressive, and this leads to the loss of female functions. Women's role and authority in the home decreased.
The wisdom of the soul
Now psychological compatibility of partners, their personality play in the family a big role. People have become individualists, each strives to understand it. If everything was determined by traditions, now partners more difficult to negotiate. People are reasonably careful, in no hurry to marry, because now more risk, and therefore are formed intermediate forms of marriage - guest, civil...
Now more types of relationships between a man and a woman. This of course is the culture and people are now diverse, old standards don't work. Now there is no question squarely: "Marriage or lonely? ". New forms of families are important and sometimes even more adequate than the traditional, but they increase the responsibility. So a woman is more committed to the standard traditional marriage, he gives her a greater sense of security.
The greater the number of divorces is a natural result of the fact that people reinforce the requirements of the individual partner. Previously it was thought: "God gave - tolerance". Live with a man, and all the possibilities to get a divorce there. And now there is. But it's a fine line when to tolerate and when to "go". To this experience, and given to man, so to speak, "the wisdom of the soul." Personal freedom is in fact fraught with personal responsibility, have to make decisions and not blindly follow the advice of friends and the rules of the parents.
There is a moment in the marriage, when people understand, "continue to live", and it is important to listen to it. But I would like to advise our readers to be patient. Sometimes it is important to allow the family to operativity difficult situation. The process of experience is not instant, it lasts, and some situations, you have to survive for months to years before something breaking. You have to experience the situation and make a decision not in the beginning of the conflict, and when the experience has been and have any clarity. The difficulty is not always bad.
The elements of happiness
Not all partners are really right for each other, it is necessary to understand their compliance - personal, social, cultural, and biological. Compatibility is experienced primarily at the level of feelings, desires, unconscious drives. So proceed when choosing a partner should not rational assessment, and to feel the attractiveness of a partner for yourself, value caused feelings. What is called "attraction", because it has a deep important guarantee that the partner is suitable in biological terms. Let's not forget that marriage is built not only on a social level, but also biological.
In the next step, when the choice is made and the formation of the relationship, the important ability to understand and feel the emotions of another person as their own, to live his (or her) feelings. If this thin assume the problems of the partner of the no - marriage is short-lived game, leads to mental fatigue. Over time, the rest of the "charm" of tire life: wealth, beauty...
Author:
I. Soloviev
Source:
Our psychology
No comments:
Post a Comment