Hollywood persistently continues to stick to the line that children from previous marriages not only does not hinder, but very helpful to build relationships with a new partner. The plot of an upcoming melodrama "Plan B" and is expanding horizons: twins, girl acquired as a result of IVF, has become a favorite and dear for a guy with whom the mother had met exactly on the day of artificial insemination... The heroine of Jennifer Lopez genuinely angry when partner is in doubt, they say, will I be able to love children, they are not mine. But in the final the man takes himself in hand, and the red-haired twins in his arms. The happy ending makes you cry only the most naive, those who believe in the cream from wrinkles and correctness of utility tariffs. And Russian men, by sentence of the second half watching the movie, grimly declares: "it would have been told that tale. This does not happen in life. Does not happen. Who needs a woman with a appendage? Even with the two and it is not known from whom? "
In fact, discussion of "a Woman with a child: Madonna or lady with a burden on his neck? " is eternal. Beautiful floor puts forward the rationale: "the Woman who in our time have been able to give birth to a healthy child - already heroine. What's the difference who the biological dad? Not the father who begat, and whoever brought up. You have to be a man of wide views, to spit on genetics and bloodline. And anyway, it's delightful: a man gets ready family. And again, if you need a woman, need and child". And the stronger sex whines in contrast: "Yes? Let Jolie with pitt educate others, they have money to burn and unlimited possibilities. And me with any pancakes such joy? Wanted a relationship with a woman, and in the bargain got spoiled five-year-old kid, indirectly, his dad and a bunch of problems".
To be objective, the right to vote in this dispute belongs to men: like it or not, only for them to decide whether to join relations, which initially will not be a duet, but a trio. And how many aunties't talked about the responsibility of relatives favorite phrase hang in the air, if the men of this responsibility, the gift is not necessary. In short, tribune is provided to the knights...
"Why rush once more unto the breach? "
Eugene, 27 years: "If other women when they can't hear the ticking of the "biological clock", relocate the decree directly from the first date, most men prefer to first spend some time with a woman, only for both of them, and only then switch to "diaper-vests-mix", when the main man for your woman isn't you. If you start a relationship with a woman who already has children, the mode of man will be immediately lost romantic "honeymoon", but, purchasing need to be checked, securely closed bedroom door.
Secondly, no matter how corny it sounds, the child requires money. And the amount of money in the family budget is not infinite. Strange for a man child, in fact, deprives him of his own child - like Makushok, velupillai "foster parents", eject from the slot of their own Chicks to more worms for him.
To make it clearer - imagine what a man weighs it up: his income will be enough to provide a decent life for himself, his wife and two children, the third child in the budget does not fit. This automatically means that if the man marries the mother with the child, then your child he can be only one. And if you marry the mother with two children, we may expect that to their heirs deal not come.
Thirdly, someone else's child is a constant reminder of who used to sleep with this woman. You see, a little what a man would like to build a relationship with a woman in the bedroom on the wall hangs a portrait of her "former". And when the same portrait, only live, constantly running around the house, it is also not good news for everyone. Of course, there is a famous argument: "But if he already loved, then it won't matter! " Maybe it is. But I don't believe in love at first sight. Believe in convergence and in what relationships are. So if you loved it, maybe it won't. But if it is important in the beginning, you simply will not love. In General, for himself until the Union believe the impossible".
"The enthusiasm for other people's children do not have"
Andrew, 35 years: "When I see ladies ads from the category of "cute mother and two adorable kids waiting for her husband and caring father, then laugh themselves hoarse. I doubt that men dreaming, as if to take on the burden of educating other people's children. I cringe when a woman says flatly: "You will love my Nikita (Maria, Peter)". And doing it in the first days of Dating. Ladies, Wake up. What time do you live? Everything is, everything is bought and sold. Is there any sense on the most domes to get married, but still with a "dowry", if it is real undemanding meetings with childless women? Young men, especially with money, in principle, does not break in a family Paradise, and here they can really drive the need to love someone else's child.
And I do not believe in the sincerity of appeals, like, what's the difference, whose genes in the man that is sitting on the pot? Great, good my. As they say, the genes sneakers will not crush. For some reason when there is a question about the adoption of a child from the orphanage, all cautiously interested in: "who are his parents? Accidentally not alcoholics-parasites-bullies? " I'm not saying that the child is necessarily a bad person, but try not to dismiss that question blood heirs and successor race for men is not the last. And another thing: for some reason the man is almost always obliged to love children, their women, to treat them as his. But rarely a woman ready to answer the same if the man has children from a previous relationship. How many groans on the theme: "he's spoiled daughter, she intervenes in our lives, my husband spends too much money! " In short, in summary. I'm not saying that it is unrealistic to get involved in a woman with a child. But it must be very very outstanding personality, be able to motivate, to inspire, to be a worthy companion, successful in career, initially self-contained. And to see the satellite in the first place the man and not the wallet and labour".
"Your child will not be a hindrance"
Alex, 42 years: "Thank you introduced me to the position of previous participants, was surprised at how dark the world sometimes people live. Maybe I am too old and wise, but the issues of genetics and native blood I think farfetched. And then there came across an article in English sociologists, which says that 40 percent of British children are trained from other men. That is, they are confident that their children and actually. Don't know how sociologists have found out the ins and outs, but I think that in our country the situation is not better. And if so, is there any sense spears to break? You just have to live. Personally I after the divorce, when he became a lonely man, enjoyed looking at women with children. It seemed a plus, not a minus, in fact, still think so. Woman over 30 without a child and had never been married evokes sadness, a single woman with a child completely reflect the reality of life. Ask, what are the advantages? I will explain. The presence of women of child indicates that she may have children. If you want to have children with, or at least with the female side there should be no problems.
If the purpose of the relationship is the creation of a family, it is possible to estimate female parental capacity in advance. Also the guy gets "ready" child: you don't sleep at night, to experience during pregnancy and childbirth and t.d. But this, of course, trivia. Finally, someone who doesn't have children, it is hard to understand, but children are a source of energy and the engine of progress. With children (even strangers) know about myself things that previously didn't even know. Sometimes it's very flattering, sometimes less. There is a revaluation of values, priorities change, people become more down-to-earth and effective, that is, not chasing pie in the sky. People grow. Willingness to build a relationship with a woman and child - is a kind of check on moral maturity, in my opinion. That is why there are more chances for couples where both have their children. Besides, think for a moment about the following: if a man loves a woman for who she is, then he should not forget that it made her whole previous life experience, in which the relationship with the child is allocated a huge role".
"I was looking for - I found"
Igor, 45 years: "I have lived in the first marriage 15 years. Without children. First wife built a career, and when she remembered was that she had health problems. Not hopeless, but requires long-term treatment. She waved and continued to climb up the career ladder. My proposal to adopt sharply replied that they did not want to feed someone else's offspring. We began to move away, nights spent apart. From her slowly, drop by drop, went femininity, and I tied it with no baby...
At some point in my life there was another woman with a 10-year-old son. I was pleased with the boy, because every man dreams with someone small and dedicated to go fishing, play football and pass the experience. Sorry for pathos, but it. And it does not matter that this kid was born thanks not for me, and another uncle. We had no usual pattern of "I am you, and somewhere your child". We never formed a Union under the motto "we are a strong man, and my mother was a weak woman, her need to protect and defend". Our family five years, I do not insist on the birth of her child, believe me, real men don't consider it a way to assert. If very well, no - well, life goes on. But on your topic can only say that he who acts against children from a previous relationship, had a child. So as not ready paternally, in a friendly way to treat the man, sees him as a competitor. He needs a woman with no problems and last, but Mature people need family. The difference is tremendous".
Source:
The family site
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