The child's adaptation to divorce. The Board of psychologist.

Raising children alone, however, as the adoption of children, is no surprise. Parents, approaching the divorce reserve the right to get rid of failed relationships. But they all unanimously recognize that divorce is detrimental to their children.

Numerous experiments in family psychology and psychoanalysis were given the opportunity to identify the main symptoms of children of divorced parents.

Symptoms, manifested primarily after the divorce of parents expressed in the research:

visible

neurotic symptoms;

anxiety;

sleep disorders and eating disorders (overeating or loss of appetite);

misconduct, deterioration in school performance;

aggressiveness or dependence;

hidden

intensify negative emotions: sadness, anger, shame, fear;

guilt;

intrapersonal conflict;

difficulty making decisions, fear of making a mistake;

low or compensatory inflated self-esteem;

prone to stress;

perfectionism (the desire to be the best).

It often happens that parents do not notice changes in the child's behavior, because the "problem" of them in this situation at all to anything. And in vain. Such actions can lead not only to violations of conduct and the "whining" of the child, but also to the emotional rupture of relations with the child, to somatization injury (i.e. illness).

It should be noted that the aggression of the child may be directed to the "innocent" parent or both. The matter of the fact, and not that of someone the child loves and less blame and more. The child is likely to Express aggression on someone who would be suitable for such reactions. Most of his charges are protected from guilt. Much worse, when this wine, and aggression will be directed to itself.

Is it worth to save a marriage, if there is no relationship between the parents is not? The answer to this question is: remember, the children are happy when happy their parents. If you have something to save - attach to this effort. If you save nothing - try to get rid of already over and build a new one. When it comes to a second marriage, adults often indignant, saying things are not so simple. But you should know that if the parents have problems in life - at least in private, at least in the family, at least in the social, then the child is much worse than listen to the advice of such parents. The logic of the child or adolescent is easy to understand: my mother or my father tell me how to improve their lives, but they are of such arrangement, as you can see, nothing good came out. Why should I learn from their experience - to become as angry, tense and unhappy?

What to do and how to behave?

• To explain the situation and that directly his fault in it.


• Be attentive to the child, let him survive this injury take his bitterness or aggression, do not run away from them.


• Please baby, don't let the fear of losing the other parent.


• In any case do not let an additional burden in order to distract the baby. He can fall disabilities, and new failures only complicate the situation. Better get something together: draw, walk, read, go to the cinema.


• Forbid not to communicate with those who "leave home", i.e., those with whom the child is to live (most often the father).


• In any case, not to project aggression in the address husband / wife child, exclude from the lexicon of the phrase "You are like your father", "You always do as your mother".


• Do not criticize your former spouse when the child and, moreover, do not force him to agree with that. For him it is the same parent as you are and he loves it.


• Try to establish your personal happiness and re-marry (marry).


• Don't be afraid of the trip to the psychologist. If you see that child, and you find it difficult to get it yourself, allow yourself to adjust all with the help of a specialist.

Author:

Karolinska Yulia Anatolyevna


Source:

here

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