Island inside
Postoperative fog dissipated, and the memory began to restore the picture of what happened: a sleepless night in the emergency room, endless tests, consultations, and quickly into the operating room... I was on a business trip when the attack happened. In a moment of healthy independent thirty-two year old woman, I turned into a wreck that can't get out of bed, eat or take a shower without help.
I used to take care of myself. I have a job, own apartment, and his path in this world. I thought I was completely self-sufficient and don't need others. As well as, actually, and they in me... And then my sister pulled up life for the sake of SYSDATE me at the hospital. For weeks next to my bed was my mother. This selfless expression of feelings overwhelmed me.
In the end I came back to life - with just a small scar on his stomach. But this situation made me rethink my view on independence. Like many women, I measured success what I can do myself. However, the experience of my illness has convinced me another: it is impossible to lose the emotional thread that connects you with others.
Modern life forces us to be alone. In order to make a career, to gain recognition, money, we go to big cities, leaving family and friends. E-mail, SMS-Ki, ICQ not unite and separate us from each other. In the communication, which was supported by man for thousands of years, becoming more and more formal. We turn into Robinsons living on the island within itself.
If you even once caught in the trap of independence, you will have a great chance of quenched steel. But be prepared for the fact that you have to pay health, loneliness and occasionally wafting depression. Solution? To be honest with yourself and open to support.
Amendments to Declaration
Let's look at the basic principles of your "Declaration of independence" and try to understand what stands behind every item. And besides, let's not rejecting these ideas, to find new opportunities for communication.
1. "I don't want to ask for help"
What does it mean actually? For this statement, as a rule, is the following: "If I ask someone for help, you'll be obliged person. In the future he will be able to use me".
You reflexively say "no, thank you," the clerk in the store, when she tries to offer his assistance. And what happens if you say "Yes"? You will be required to buy what she suggested? That's what it shows to you? No, it's just part of her duties. And the girl is here just for you do not waste 40 minutes of your pants size. Besides, it is just boring to stand all the day idle and want someone to talk to.
Innate resistance to ask for help, makes your life more difficult than it could be.
Try this: ask a favor about any favor. This is not an impossible task. Do not think that you then have to pay the person, or how you will be bad at the moment, when you ask for help. All this will subconsciously sense of guilt and anxiety. Tell us about your request without apology, simply by trusting in the good will and honesty of the other person.
Especially people are responsive to deep sincere feelings. So, if you badly, do not hesitate to ask a friend to lend you a helping hand.
2. "I need personal space"
What does it mean actually? The implication of these words is this: "If I let people get too close, I lose myself. Better with no one to confide in, no one can open your inner world".
We all have different comfort zones, and there is always a risk that the opening of one of them for other people, you will lose autonomy. Particularly acute this problem becomes then, when you are having a romantic relationship: "If I would connect my life with someone, I will be obliged to spend with him every free moment. And because for me it's impossible, I'm better left alone".
Actually there are many ways to build a relationship with the person so as not to lose their comfort zone in communication. One of my friends, married, stayed in his apartment and four years visited her husband only on weekends. Only by understanding what could go about their business, schedule time to be sick, to relax with your loved one, she decided to move in with him.
Try this: critically evaluate their fears. On a piece of paper write down a list of concerns that arise when thinking about the possibility to let someone into your life. This man wants you more than you want to give him? You give him something required?
On another sheet of paper write down all the positive points that you give to the relationship. You feel the emotional support that person? You and him fun? Interested? Then at the bottom of the sheet, write the steps on how to find a compromise. For example, if you are worried that your partner will break your plans, sucking in his, agree to discuss in advance what you will do in this or next week.
3. "I have already received support"
What does it mean actually? You already have someone close to you (husband, child, lover, friend), and you think more than you should need no one. In this case, you also cut themselves off from the world. Only do this a couple with his half. The idea that one person can replace the entire world, not only unrealistic, but also puts your relationship at risk. No one can bear such a burden to be the only other light in the window. Moreover, if (God forbid! ) these relations for some reason you stop, you will not have any support.
"My home is my castle" - said before the British, having in mind that family problems should not be known outside. But today it is no longer relevant. "Family", "clan" in the classical sense, has almost ceased to exist. And psychologists say that in our time the friends have become like alternative family. They are there when there is joyful or, on the contrary, a bitter event, not an aunt or cousin living hundreds of miles away from you. And besides, every one of us for personal development requires a variety of relationships, and not just purely personal.
Try this: start restore friendships right now. Do not wait for the crisis, build a reserve of support in advance. Make a list of friends, new and old, and mark, when you saw them last time. Remember colleagues with previous work. Your roommate in the dormitory. You can find them. Start again to communicate with old friends go with them to dinner or spend the weekend together. And instead of just to say Hello to their neighbors, and communicate with them from time to time. Invest in relationships that give meaning to your life and will be with you always.
Test: Free or dependent?
Give yourself 1 point for each affirmative answer
1. Your credo could be the statement: "If I need to do something, I'll do it myself, not charging anyone even minor things".
2. If you have a bad day, would you prefer to cancel a date to my favorite seen you only in a good mood.
3. When smiling sellers asking if you help, you mutter: "no thank you" and quickly hide behind the racks.
4. When the man at the pet store offers you to help bring a 10-pound package of dog food to your car, you say, "No, don't! "
5. To be in relationship is to lose a part of yourself.
6. Although all your views, you are demonstrating that they do not need support, you feel that you are becoming angry and tense without help.
7. Well, if the week had more days, then you would have all managed to do.
8. Money is needed first in order not to ask anyone's help. Its easy to buy.
9. Better to stop on foot than to ask someone to help you climb with a heavy bag on the bus.
10. Since that day, how did you find the love of your life, you didn't need it.
The results
0-3 points: you don't feel that you are an island in itself. You are aware of your needs but the needs of others too. You don't think being single and independent is a great merit. Congratulations to you!
4-7 points: You are torn between the desire to be free and to accept help from others. Until you feel awkward when you have to ask the person about something. But the world will open to you from the best side, if you learn to accept help from others.
8-10 points: Your tendency to do everything itself can cause you lose the simple life awards - pleasant relationships, relaxation and even sleep. Think about what makes you take this approach to life? And believe me: support often comes from the most unexpected places, if you will allow her to come.
Author:
Terina N.
Source:
Best4Woman
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