Certainly, many of us are familiar with at least some of these symptoms. Public speaking, communication with strangers, the representatives of the opposite sex, with more reputable people in such situations people may feel embarrassed and stiffness.
In principle, timidity as a normal reaction to specific circumstances inherent in varying degrees to all people. But the number of situations that cause anxiety, and the intensity of the experience may be different - and here they range from shy people are much wider and stronger reaction than others.
Let's meet
It is the manifestation of the distrust of the world, fear of being rejected, ridiculed. Shy people are afraid to Express themselves, to open another. For it is easier to stay in the shade and out of the unpleasant situation to flee. Not only public performances are a source of anxiety, but a normal conversation even with familiar people.
Being in an unfamiliar place, he also feels embarrassed - anticipating possible mistake. Moreover, even in the loneliness of this man often tormented by memories of past mistakes or worry in advance about upcoming important events. Fear to do something wrong, to show himself not with the best hand generates a constant self-reflection. The introspection of the normal desire to understand mistakes and prepare yourself for the upcoming event turns into a painful unwillingness to act, passivity and lack of initiative. Fear of failure leads to an awareness of himself as a loser. The result of introspection is often a conclusion of our own insignificance, ugliness, stupidity, etc.
All the attention of a shy man aimed at him. This egocentrism, but with a minus sign: he constantly thinks about himself, noticing mostly negative traits. Much energy is expended to suppress their emotional impulses, struggle with fears and attempts to hide uncomfortable condition. Shy people are very concerned about what impression you make on others. Due to insecurity and lack of social skills may be the "audience effect" -the constant feeling of being the object of attention. Shyness then acts as a protection mask, under which a person wants to hide the true self with all the implied shortcomings.
Where does it come from
Psychoanalysts see the reason shyness in the deep conflict between the three main components of the human personality. When unconscious desires no longer be controlled by moral attitudes, perceived from society, man finds himself between two fires, losing a foothold in the perception of oneself and the world. He may feel insecure, feel shame and guilt for their intentions and actions.
The personality traits researchers believe that it is an innate quality that defines the type of nervous system. While sanguine, choleric and phlegmatic are holders of a strong nervous system, melancholic more sensitive, prone to uncertainty, fatigue, unstable self-esteem.
Behaviorists consider timidity and shyness as a reaction to external influence, acquired the reflex of fear to influence society. Despite different approaches to the problem, the psychological school agree that shyness is an indicator of disharmonious developed self-concept.
Self-concept is the totality of how a person perceives himself and how his appeal to others (in his view). It structures and harmonize the inner world determines the perception of the human life experience affects their expectations and their associated actions. Also shaping the attitude scores of others, to their moral standards.
You can select three points that form the self-esteem of the individual. First, the ratio of the real image I (what man is) with I the ideal (such as people would like to be). The bigger the gap between these characteristics, the lower the individual's self-esteem. Secondly, focus on the opinion of other people - people tend to evaluate themselves as well as its appeal to others. For example, someone may feel more secure and confident in choosing the type of clothing worn by most people around. Thirdly, man seeks to comply with social norms, to evaluate ourselves from the point of view of the success in society.
I-the concept of a shy man has a number of characteristic features. Due to certain factors self-esteem it is inadequate, low, high, or unstable. U. James, American philosopher and psychologist of the late XIX century, one of the founders and a leading representative of pragmatism and functionalism, derived a formula of self-esteem: it is equal to the ratio of success to the level of claims. The more a person wants to achieve and less than corresponds to its ideal, the lower his self-esteem.
Praise himself
Important role in the development of self-esteem plays upbringing. For a man it is very important to identify with any social group. In early life the object of imitation are parents, and if they are not an example of confident behavior, this could be the reason for the formation of such personality traits as shyness. Also crucial are the strict requirements of the parents towards the child, the suppression of his personality. Later high level of claims and dissatisfaction with the results and can become a major form of human relation to itself.
Attitude can be changed and influenced by other people's judgments. Man captures the reactions of others, and the shyness will only increase if people feel that it is treated as shy. The result of excessive attention to someone else's point of view and based on assessments of other people can be self-doubt. It is impossible to please everyone, and actions sometimes are treated as errors, and not as an expression of their position, which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame.
Are there any advantages?
Others do not relate negatively to the humble and quiet people, often even giving them a positive evaluation, describing how low-key, soft, and their manners as secular, even smug. Shyness can talk about seagrassnet, cliques, sensitivity and tact of a man. And from such people can look focused and introspective. They prefer to remain silent in a conversation and know how to listen to others.
What to do?
Despite the fact that there are those for whom their shyness, if not love, at least not interfere with, many suffer from their timidity and shyness. They might would like to become more open, energetic, but something bothers to take the risk.
Some even like their way of communicating with the world, because shyness gives you the opportunity to step back and look at a difficult situation from the outside. Indeed, it is easier not to make mistakes, not doing anything. Much safer to escape himself from a difficult situation, instead of to take responsibility and try to change something. And here we should ask ourselves: can really be a good relationship, if one of the people building protection and not fully expresses his opinions and feelings? Whether much can be achieved in life without being able to assert themselves?
Universal tool for improving the quality of communication is to work with self-esteem. In order to increase it, not enough to set unattainable goals, not to do on the basis of one thing negative conclusions about his personality in General, and especially not to build their self-esteem. Trust in yourself and your desires help you feel more relaxed and confident.
It is not necessary to leave with his head in his shyness, becoming a "man in a case". Sometimes you can hear: "I will not go to this meeting, because I feel there is an extra/them". Indeed, the prediction of the impact on human behavior, and everything happens exactly as he had hoped. Therefore, people experiencing anxiety related to social contacts, can be offered in advance to set yourself on the positive outcome of the meeting, making installation on getting pleasure from intercourse. This may be reciting to himself the upcoming speech, and detailed event view, and belief in their own attractiveness.
If we consider communication as a specific skill, shyness may indicate its weak development. Experience of interaction with people in different situations, undoubtedly, promotes the growth of self-confidence. It makes sense to work directly with speech, and with the psychological feeling of stiffness, which affect physiological processes. Shyness is overcome by the mechanical relaxation of the muscles of the abdomen, throat, breast and others.
Very often a cause of embarrassment is a involuntary reddening of the facial skin at the most inopportune crucial moment - when meeting a new person or the pronunciation of toast. Feeling like cheeks, people may begin to shy away from the fact that people will notice his embarrassment. In such cases, it is important to remember that other similarly concerned about what impression you make on others, and not so attentive to others ' feelings and actions, as you might think.
If a person regularly experiences a feeling of tightness in different situations, it can be assumed that a similar behavior for him lies a kind of benefit. Shyness, insecurity have several advantages as the position in social interaction. And to start to change, get rid of shyness, is to first understand why it is right for you, and what you will get by becoming more free and relaxed.
Author:
P. Lytkina
Source:
Our psychology
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