We say one thing - they hear more. And when they say, we don't always understand, what was going on. We try to educate them and redo it. They are under our onslaught and authority. And many lose faith in goodness, sincerity, spontaneity. Both children and adults to understand each other? How to understand your child? How often your child surprised and even struck you? And how often have you brought him to tears, quite unwillingly? If this happens - then this article is for you. You and your baby
residents of two different planets, and often you simply don't have the vocabulary to properly translate what you each other speak. The proposed experiment! Let's try for a few minutes to return to your childhood and look at the world through the eyes of a child. You've done this before - many years ago...
We say they don't hear
The classic situation of mutual misunderstanding can be called confrontation: "Take my toys and go to sleep" - "Well, still a minute! " Because you don't have the strength to beg him for another half hour, and had the "moment" can last indefinitely, it is not surprising that often this situation ends thy cry and his tears. Let's find out what's behind your phrases. Maybe your kid is not a stubborn person, but simply something I do not understand... You say: "Put the toys" (meaning: "You, baby, must learn discipline and order") and "go to sleep" (implying, of course, "go to sleep"). And when it hears a son or daughter? Let's start with the fact that "put the toys" is a team that is perceived by the baby as meaningless. Why to fold, if he's just so beautifully put? Secondly, how can you stop such an amazing game?! Actually it's almost the same thing to stop you when choosing a new outfit and offer: "Well, now let's razmesim all dresses and go home". Thirdly: the child still lacks the desire for order and discipline. Up to 6 years old kid in the power devices of the brain and the mind does not accept other people's rules. Its task is to establish and see what happens. Fourth: for his life is what's happening right now, in the moment of the game. In short, even this seemingly small quarrel - a tangible injury to the child.
The parents Council: no matter how simple the situation like it even during the day runs about ten. "Put toys " sit down there", "stop walking - home", "don't bother daddy - better brush your teeth," and t. d. Together, they pull on the dictatorship adults and complete disregard for children's interests. Children get tired of the pressure and either enter a state of active protest, or even cease to hear. Kids absorb information with a delay of 5-7 seconds. We say something, waiting for the instant reaction, repeated several times and are already beginning to strain. And the baby just realized the question and does not understand why the parent is nervous. Education is a constant balancing act between democracy and the ability to determine the boundaries. So that disputes can not be avoided. But! As can be-but more explain to the children their requests and as long as possible Rustaveli the situation in time to the transition from case to case was not abrupt, but gradual. If you have a couple minutes to play with the child, gradually preparing it for the fact that soon the action will vary, for example, he will go to bed. Well together with your child to schedule a day. Even better to do it in pictures. Nervous during children's disobedience and nieslychanie" useless. So, the child is a button that he can press down to us to manipulate. One of the rules of psychology: emotionally involved - lost.
They say we do not hear
Agree, it's a familiar situation: you're talking on the phone, something to explain to the husband or trying to concentrate at something, and the kid is bursting incessantly. "Yeah shut up for even a minute! " - you shout in the hearts, forgetting, as a few years ago persistently taught the child to speak. Somehow it seems that the son or daughter talks to spite, to prevent. Remember now, what were the words when you were young. And what we talked about? Simply chanting uttered sounds, tasting, savored the words, singing songs, five hundred times a day, telling stories. Now why are we in our "Yes I have you ever?! " depriving the child of what was so interesting for us? The kids live on the level of illogical brain - images, emotions, the game is their world. At a certain age the child is verbal stage of development: the emergence of speech says about the consistency of very many systems of the body, and this is a huge progress. Besides, it is the intermediary between the baby and the world. And all of his unspoken words can turn into a sore throat (according to science psychosomatics). When we blocked the channel of speech, we give the child a signal: "You don't need, we don't care how you appear". At a certain age the child should be howcast. If we suppress this need, it is retarded in development or begins to look for other ways of self-expression.
The parents Council
: when you start talking to your child, try to throw off the gravity and quickly "reconstructed" - remember how he perceives the world. You must descend to his eyes down to the carpet, to put him on his knees: so you will be on the same psychological level (not lower and not higher), at the level of the heart. And will be able to remember what you want the children what they wanted for once to you the most. For each child the important question to answer and not be ashamed to admit if you don't know something.
The most important thing that you are lost in adult life the road is hypersensitivity to everything that happens around. Stick or a pebble seems to be a treasure. Each offense is covering the whole world. Joy unbounded. Game
absorbs his head. Well, remember!
Time a lot!
"I want it now! "But it will not work. C'mon I'll buy it next week". Or: the Movie (finish) tomorrow". But he doesn't calm down, repeats the request, require, aching, crying... children Have a special relationship with time. And it's not even that time flows differently: it's just another way filled. I'm always curious about whatever is happening around all game. Because the child did not plan ahead for the future - it does not evaluate, a lot of time for him or not. It's just enough and it all now. So "tomorrow" for a child is the same as "evening", and "two years", it's something from the future, which in his view of the world simply no.
The parents Council: to think of some "switch" for the child's attention much easier than having to explain why to play tomorrow better than today. If you distract his tale game, "go, something will show" - the question of tomorrow will not even arise. Acquaintance with the future in mind baby should occur gradually, so as not to deprive him of the opportunity to enjoy the present. Wait and endure is the prerogative of adults. But we would be nice to learn to live in the "now".
If you don't know the answer to the question of a child, it would be better to find it together in the encyclopedia than to plead something like "grow up you will know". If a kid asks you stupid questions
- let him stupid answers, joke, talk! For him, until that word is the same game as everyone else.
Absolute honesty
Until they are crumbs - don't know how to cheat and Dodge. All it appears then, internally, when the little man begins to look for ways to achieve the desired through prohibitions adults. But initially the children believe your every word, even in fairy tales. And only after meeting with a lie, start to keep my ears open and sensitively recognize her, but first believe. If you are in the hearts say: "Here you are so bad! No longer will you love! "he believes that he will turn away beloved mother, and that he is bad. Here lies the seed of future systems. But, of course, will be scared it's only the first time. And then, if such threats will become a habit, he will simply cease to trust you. Remember itself - where all your disappointments in life? From my childhood, when I sincerely believed in the words, good and happy ending of a fairy tale...
The parents Council: try not to lie to him at all. The information can be adapted to the child
perception, you can temporarily hide, but to lie. When a joke or tell tales,
give it intonations: mysterious tales and playful joking that the child intuitively recognize where you're serious there or not. Never joke with him, as with an adult, i.e. with a serious expression ("If you don't eat wolf will come and you will be taken away"), is another of the "untranslatable" situations for the baby. Eventually it all will understand and realize that in a world of so many lies, but trust you will remain! By the way, false children feel no worse than a lie.
Little egoists
Every child knows that the navel of the Earth - this is it, the whole world was created only for his benefit and pleasure, and my mother specifically to solve all problems. Parents should establish a sense of boundaries (it is admissible, and that in any case). Why is the feeling? Because of the rules on all occasions does not exist, and raised the child intuitively understand what is permissible and what is not.
The parents Council
: if you think your child behaves too cheeky, maybe he just didn't realize presence in this world of 6 billion just as VIPs, as he was himself. Spend more analogies between him and other people. If he took someone else's hide at the time of his toy and explain that the person from whom he took the thing, exactly the same frustrating to lose it. Doesn't understand why daddy doesn't want to play with it? Remember this situation, when the baby will need and will fall down. Don't be shy to ask for his help and say how you would be pleased, if you wrapped a warm blanket or brought a pillow.
Big optimist
Initially every child considers himself to be very good - it does not have the slightest doubt on this score. Why the vast majority of adults "output" from childhood has serious doubts as to its "horsesthe", easy to guess. Parents and teachers managed to convince them to be sweet and nice, you should really try! Yes, this is a wonderful method of education, but it deprives the child of faith in himself and that he can be loved just the way he is. Hence the shyness, insecurity in their abilities. Want to see your baby Superman - don't doubt it!
Then the natural optimism will prevail, and the child will be able to cope with any problems. This does not mean that we should exalt their child to the skies for washed hands and eaten porridge. Just keep in the house an atmosphere in which your Tomboy would feel confident and calm. Smaller criticize it and learn to understand. Children are very quick to catch positive evaluation and strive to live up to them. Or disappointed in yourself and become the bullying (if such is considered).
How they see the world?
World baby - it's not the whole picture, not correct and clear system. This is a scattered mosaic, the pieces of the puzzle. And if the baby is not put them in one picture, he may genuinely not understand how this: "Eat 10 servings of ice cream, throat ache". What does one to another? If you're trying to explain something to a child, but he does not understand - most likely, he is not stubborn, and really could not be resolved in the minds of a few scattered facts. You explain to him: "get sick", and he you, "not sick" - and try to prove it! Of course, you can allow it to eat cold, and then together to treat cold. But in the lives of thousands of situations, when you have limited explanations! Easier just something to explain, speaking with him about his feelings: "I love you so much that I didn't want to sick my favorite neck".
Author:
Dyachenko O.
Source:
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