"My dad dreamed that I was performing on the big stage," says one of the finalists. The main Papin incentive for his son: "And what, how are you? " And son, used to win what is called "tearing claws" to the final complex of the competition. Significantly, that he himself, in General, like the action. But the Pope is still the main driving force.
Somehow the authors of the show with a great thrill show interview: say, look, how cute! What a glorious son! Or here: a wonderful girl, come for the sake of his mother, frustrated singer. What's cute, my friends? In this touching and worthy of emulation?
Once upon a time a lovely girl really wanted to sing. But strict mother said, "No songs! Go on honey! " To dare the girl did not dare. And still works as a district doctor after unloved medical. But the dream of singing left shimmering star on the horizon of her life. And then, lo and behold, our heroine appeared daughter. That's exactly who will sing in our family! I could not, but the daughter will do it for me! And daughter sings. But where to go?
Maybe she even like it. She does not know for sure: select special something to want itself was not. Should my mother's dream to realize. And embodies. And will bring the mother to the joy - to have grey hair. Perhaps in the middle of the life she will understand that she likes to draw. But this desire will translate into reality the next generation. He's got to have something to do in life!
We often live other people's thoughts, desires and dreams. Believe that it will make our loved ones happy. Will please them if you do something that they are close - not decided. And let's try to understand what we do, putting on the map own desire to bring others (e.g. parents) happy.
So that gives the child, fulfilling the desire of parents to such a strategy. At least, for a child is a way to get parental love. I'll do what wants from me dad, he will love me. In addition, if something will not work, I like not to blame. Dad's idea of responsibility on him. And you can always throw ancestor in the face: "I never wanted it! " Such traditional games in fathers and children.
Than the child (no matter how old he is) pays for this behavior? Obviously, performing "the parent will" Chad is simply no time to live my life to fulfill their desires to get their own lessons.
Secondly, there is a chance that sooner or later the unconscious rebel and refuse to work for someone else". People can get sick. To fall into a strange melancholy. Notorious crises of adulthood (30 years, mid-life, for example) largely relate to rethink their desires. Often in times of crisis, the person begins to understand that his achievements are trying to "earn points" significant people, to achieve socially approved goals. And in fact the joy of this is not enough.
Here comes the crisis: what do I want? Why I spent so much energy on things that I don't quite warm? Whose love I was trying to win? And most importantly, it becomes clear that love is real, unconditional is to conquer the impossible. She either has it or not. And no progress will not force others to love you. Respect can be. Be proud of is probably. To love - hardly.
What else is fraught with the performance of others will, the choice to "please others" instead of "live your life"? This choice turns out to be harmful not only to the contractor but also to the "customer" - the person (s) whose unfulfilled dreams tries to embody the main character. Take the story of the girl who became a medic, although wanted to sing. The daughter seems to have pleased the mother came on the scene instead. But what is it for mom? The illusion that dreams come true. In fact, my mother hadn't had the guts to defend their point of view. Apparently, was too great a dependence on her mother. With her woman and lived. Now depends on the decisions of daughters.
What if my daughter to decide to find your way? And maybe it will be something else - not the stage without singing career? My mother's life will be finally broken. And the daughter is now becoming a hostage: how can she betray the man who gave her life? The interdependence of mother and daughter passed the baton to carefully and confidently. In the end, we have at least two unfortunate women. Women who are struggling to please his mother and "revenge" on her daughter.
In relationships where children are keen to please their parents, there are two sides. The choice of a child more or less understandable. By and large, the child learns to behave from early childhood, even when it is difficult to accept adult, informed decisions. Although I don't condone adult children. What about parents? Why would they impose on their children's own desires?
First, it is something they are good at - taught this by their parents.
Secondly, it seems, alas, it is acceptable to force a child to delight yourself. "Let our children make us happy" - sometimes says something similar in the format of toast at a family feast. Overlooking, for the most part, children: well, schastlivye us!
And you know what: want to rejoice, rejoice - you have children. This in itself is great. But to encourage their children to do something to cheer you has little to do with true parental love. Rather, egoism: Hey, look what my baby! It's much better than your! I am a cool parent! Thank me!
In General, what is it all about? Girls and boys and their parents! If you want something, do it yourself! There is no need to force someone to make a reality of your dreams only because they do not dare to do it. There is no need to sacrifice their own lives in trying to buy the attention of friends. There is no need to blackmail their expectations: do what I want, I'll be happy!
If you are not able to be happy, it is unlikely that someone will make you so. Even if you fulfill all your whims and caprices. Just live your life. Find what you want, and decide to implement it yourself! And rejoice! Just so.
Source:
School of life
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