At this time of year in my office are beginning to emerge parents of pupils of graduation classes on career guidance. The usual situation: "Like a child is capable of, but to no particular heart is not in it, no interest. Where to study? "
Why they didn't stremjatsja?
Normal graduate is of two kinds: the first one since childhood knows what she wants, reads a lot of literature or engaged in workshops, studies in the profile class. But to the 11 class suddenly realizes, and he never wants to go anywhere to do that.
The second does not particularly fond of. His interests are largely dependent on what is currently fashionable and important in his circle. School teachers took to the liver, and thought that I would have another five years to sit through his pants, while it is unclear what, is not enthusiastic
Both really need help and advice. What happens to our children why they didn't try?
Good, they should be send to work fifteen years and marry all of it is ripe. Because no matter what else they are due to the hormonal storms are just irrelevant. But we live in a civilized, almost European country. So you have to first build their grown children in College, and then to hope that the child will be Mature enough to self-sufficiency and specialty work.
Adolescent depression in full growth
Vladik 17 years. For his age the guy looks too young and behaves like a childish: obviously me shy, answers questions in monosyllables, before each answer briefly play on the mother. But the feeling that she and her mother are merged into a single unit (as it happens), does not occur. Just squeezed and timid boy. For some reason I turn to him "you", though usually with teenagers pass on "you". On the view I would give him just 14 years. Graduate from high school this year, learning medium, rarely four, mostly threes, twos not only because the mother controls the learning process. In General, it seems as though the guy depression. Slightly animated when talking about building a gazebo in the country, but not for long. Again blanked looking at the floor, monosyllabic answers.
Among other things the boy has a bunch of somatic diseases: asthma and gastritis to problems with the kidneys, spine.
Begin to ask mom, how are you feeling, how he sleeps, how he eats, walks. Sleeps a lot, 14-16 hours a day, eats not, prefers sweet and starchy foods (lean, lower limit of normal). Do not walk at all. There are no friends, girls no. Nothing wants.
It seems that teen depression. In this case, you need the help of a neuropsychiatrist. But the mother against, and the boy too. Both insist on testing and the decision where to go.
Brief qualifying test, find out the level of intelligence. It shows the results below the low boundary. As the decade. I sit in the same room and see how he does the job. Slowly, viscous, reads almost by syllables, reread several times the same. This is another disturbing light in favor of the version of "depression": greatly slow thought processes, his head as if wool is full, that's all people see.
Somehow the guy managed to cope with the tasks on spatial orientation, simple arithmetic, the primitive logic. But all that concerns the perception of the text, the General cultural level, a little more complex tasks - nothing.
Do test "Choose the field of activity". Selects the "man - machine", on the second place of "man - man". But as it closed and timid own, send in the sales Department or any service?
Gently try to ask: where was very good, than generally like to do? The answer was unexpected: the pioneer camp. I am extremely surprised. And Vlad continues with glowing eyes: I was a chef at kids, taught them to make model airplanes and kites.
Vlad even hands flailing, shows what a cool were snakes. He was encouraged, tramping up and down the room, tries to draw a diagram. Here it is, the resource! To teach children to do something with his hands. That is a very good option - teacher or master in College. Yes, agrees mother, his arms gold, all that want to be fixed, maybe for several days in the garage to sit. And loves children, nephews always walks when they arrive.
I'm ready to breathe a sigh of relief: Hooray, we found out, the boy was clearly interested, and competition in the pedagogical Institute, faculty of Technology," he's quite capable.
But it turns out that the mother against such undervalued and underpaid profession. And better she will tense up, but will suit boy in any private University in the faculty of management, or Economics.
Vlad is clearly upset by this turn of events. He sits back in the chair, his head hangs between the lowered shoulders, hands languidly lying on her lap. Eyes died out, on the face reappears expression of longing.
The boy had been there, where would the mother. Spring session failed, the year I spent on the sofa in severe depression. He now works in the school as a laboratory assistant at a paltry rate.
Something I want and what I don't know
This option is more suitable for girls, they usually have the imagination to the heavens.
Rachael 15 years. Beautiful mermaid: consists of all eyes and long hair. Obvious problems in the family, "ancestors - goats", nobody understands Matsuura soul. Stepfather hates younger sister, too, the relationship with mother is strained. At school everyone is too tired, the only outlet - theatre Studio.
Voice Ksyusha a lot of exaltation, exaggerated gestures, sklikivanie and stormy tears.
Here the situation compared with the previous reverse: She manages everything, everywhere, she is interested in everything, almost straight a's, in the list of possible specialties listed in the first place, of course, theatre, then MGIMO, then linguistics. But my mother very different priorities: something about computers (because she mathematician will be able to help), something about the economy (there dad is in high position), at least - accounting (because you can start working right from the first year).
That's about the opportunity to work mom says hot and passionately. The impression that the potential earnings of the girl depends on whether or not the family to starve. Remind casual that parents are required by law to include children up to the age of majority, and if the children are learning on a day-campus Department of the University until the end. But Kushina mother insists. The girl must contain as soon as possible. Why is unclear. It seems that this is some mother's problems. She has her own, as she says, the experience had to marry to get away from their parents. So it is better that the girl was in the hands of the profession that feeds. In order not to depend on her husband.
To your next appointment comes dad (mom divorced for 10 years). My dad is also your own experience: at the age of 16 he left home, worked, studied, did it yourself. A familiar song, deserves respect, but one thing hefty guy (shows that this was, and behaves very aggressively, almost aggressive), and quite another delicate, fragile girl 15 years.
Luckily, the mother of the child was moderately psychologisation and agreed on therapeutic work with Mary. Mainly to defuse a conflict between all family members. And it turned out, when She felt more confident, I realized that her and hear her opinion, she ceased to resist and protest. Perfectly coped with the task: well passed the exam and easily entered the linguistic faculty is very strong institution. Absolutely satisfied with everything. From depression and had not a trace. A good student and continues to play in the theater Studio. Family relationships also improved.
Tips for parents
Focusing the child on a particular specialty, in the first, second and all other queues look at his inclinations and abilities. No man will be successful in that he's not interested, or not capable of, or imposed from the outside. In addition, the profession, which is now considered to be prestigious and sought-after 5 years may be in last place in the ranking.
Adolescence is hard physical restructuring of the whole body (you all know I will not go). One consequence of this process is depression, constant bad mood, cognitive decline. The child becomes lethargic, whiny, cranky, really can't learn. It is better to consult a specialist and start to treat the disease than to appeal to the conscience, to scare the army and to impose disciplinary action.
The child was not born in order to realize your dreams and realize your ambitions. If you graduated or not graduated from any University, it does not mean that the child should do it for you. I know of cases where parents brought children to stomach ulcers, tantrums and serious health problems just because the child wanted to study at the pedagogical University, and the Pope demanded only MSU.
Actually in our country, the choice of the University generally has no effect. The HSE diploma is not a guarantee of employment for a large international company. Everywhere, everywhere and always will be appreciated the quick brains, good health, light character. The rest he will learn, without departing from the machine.
Author:
K. Demina
Source:
Our psychology
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