"No, dear, I have a headache..." This innocent saying has become so common excuse for "get free" from the execution of marital debt that was included in the jokes. And yet, according to the experts, many women, despite the "migraine", force yourself to have sex through don't want. That is, intermittent lack of desire or complete loss of interest in carnal side of love? That's the question.
"My previous man, " says 29-year-old HP, I each time through itself crossed. About once a month I said to myself: "Nothing can be done, it is necessary", and we all desire and pleasure on my part made love. I thought that sex is one of the duties of people living together. Perhaps we didn't love each other, because now with my husband, whom I love and want all totally different. Sometimes, sometimes I have to tune in the desired fashion, to bring him pleasure, if I'm tired or not in the mood. But it does not bother me, because the desire never goes too far".
It all depends on by whether we ourselves, in order not to disappoint the partner whom you love and don't want to offend, or reluctantly go on a sexual relationship with absolutely nothing for us man.
"A woman can bring myself to make love through the power for many reasons, " says psychoanalyst, Dr. J.-D. Naso. Sometimes it protects the family, sometimes just shows tenderness or encourages partner. Sometimes it is driven by fear, as if the man never went to the side, sometimes the calculation, sometimes the desire to avoid a break... of Course, for those who are guided first and foremost by love, it's not such a big sacrifice".
In other words, between the temporal mismatch sexual needs (can't a man and a woman to constantly be on the same wavelength) and regular samoprinizhenie, which indicates some deeper issues deep. Until the feelings have not faded, a little effort - just one small concession to make your life easier.
Here is what the 25-year-old Days: "When I'm tired, I don't snogging, so you have to slightly push yourself in the beginning, or rather, just don't take in the process of active participation, to my favorite didn't feel rejected. In addition, the hard failure can cause a quarrel on a completely different topic".
So, campinarana is the best way to prove love? Perhaps, but that is not a feat, because if you allow yourself to get" in the end will surely enjoy. "I know that sex for me is always good, " says 32-year-old HP, which means even if I do it in those moments when I don't really want to, I not only try not to hurt a loved one, but also relax. And then, even if I get down to business carelessly, then that agreed, never regret! "
The same thing and says 42-year-old M: "If I really was a burden, I would never have been go against! It just refreshes the relationship and does not give me quietly wallowing in the swamp of everyday concerns. I have, when it comes to sex, the appetite comes while eating. Sometimes, I'm too lazy to put some effort and I just turn to the oral exercises: without argument, without dispute, and everyone is happy! "
But not everything is so rosy. Sometimes sex without desire hides some serious problems in the relationship. "If we make love, then we are all right! "comfort yourself frustrated wife, but ultimately the ostrich policy only exacerbates already existing disorder, adding an extra cause for resentment. Explains psychiatrist and family therapist Robert Neuburger: "If a woman constantly overpowers itself, it can be scary to embitter. It just seems that she is living with a maniac. To see me come in pairs, whose sexual activity is only short distances hidden crisis. The woman refuses, but says to her husband: "Let's hurry, finish", sometimes much worse, than simply to say "no".
So, to refuse or to accept? And whether here the notorious discussion of the problem, which in one voice experts advise couples? Indeed, the very fact that a woman can make love without a special hunting remains a very sensitive topic, almost taboo. What else to expect from a society in which sexuality is perhaps the main value and it is considered that the full family unit must often, and most importantly, regularly copulate?!
For 33-year-old M the main indicator is the opinion of her friends: "When we talk about sex and they admit that they make love three or four times a week, I start to get depressed, realizing that already a week passed, and I never found the time to the most interesting... But this is more due to employment, and not from lack of desire as such. Then I take in your daily schedule time for sex. I don't see anything humiliating! "
To only have sex in order not escaped the husband or because of an inability to say "no", not all ready. For example, 28-year-old K. prefers to communicate with her boyfriend: "I from time to time you don't want sex, and I go on deception: saying too tired, or just pretend to be sleeping. But if I don't love comfort, because I have some problems, and it lasts a few days, I openly talking about her boyfriend. And usually he understands me".
That is, the manifestation of feminism? Psychoanalyst Giselle Arrus believes that in our time, women rarely force myself to have sex: "They don't want to adapt to the desires of men. Moreover, they were the first to demand their portion of pleasure. Men must now satisfy ladies who want once a week to get a legitimate orgasm! " And yet most women do not consider submitting to the violence. For them it is rather an act of tenderness and love, the desire not to hurt a loved one.
But the fact that they are silent about this, is just the manifestation of tact: "My motto is never to admit it, " says L. " We've got to keep some mystery and intimacy! " And finally, as underlined by Dr. Nazia, "the Union men and women made of compromises, you have to be able to make concessions. If a woman is able to force themselves to have sex, so she understands that it is necessary for her family life. And this behavior just shows her maturity and wisdom".
Boys are not always ready?
Here is a question the answer to which may seem obvious, so sustainable society stereotype: all men have one. Now, this is not so. Razotkrovennichalas, the boys tell us that they sometimes have to "beating a horse." "It happens that I don't want to make love. Mostly out of laziness. And then we have to make some effort to get the hang of it. Actually, I think that we excitation may come before desire," says Roman, 32 years.
How erection that women too quickly equated to the figure of the mad desire? Dr. Nazia responds unequivocally: "the Man is even easier to force yourself to have sex, because the erection it can occur without desire. In male sexuality more mechanical, which cannot be said about the woman." Here is the answer: men are not so greedy sex machine, just his bad mood they hide behind the erection. Think about this as a favorite will tell you in next time, he had terrible headache...
What do they think about it
How men relate to the fact that their sweetheart and darling lavishes affection without the slightest desire to do so? That is, in their opinion, the proof of love or vile pretense? Insult or maneuver, inciting passion? Answers several interested.
E., 21"When I feel that my girlfriend is not very to love, I try to Wake her, so she didn't have to really step on the throat of his own song. I warm her, doing massage, hug... Usually it works! "
O., 34: "I hate the idea that my girlfriend can through the power of sex... But when she refuses, I don't really like. In General, let him do what he wants, more importantly, to about anything I have not guessed".
M, 45 years
"I never forced a girl to make love... and the fact that they voluntarily may slightly boost your desire, does not bother me, because I sometimes do that".
K., 27 years: "Even if my friend sometimes goes with me in bed, not feeling mad passion, I prefer not to sostrata. She just wants to make me happy, be sorry... I am one of those same reasons, agree to accompany her to the store or admire soup, which she had prepared, even if he really salty. It is a question of diplomacy! "
If lost the desire...
I do not want. The problem of female seksualnosti
Source:
Elle
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