Wednesday, July 30, 2014

PMS: men in panic!


PMS: men in panic! Words of three letters often entail trouble. And PMS is no exception. Because of this mysterious phenomenon usually girls suddenly disappear somewhere for a few days. And in their bodies dwell evil spirits and Amanat so that neighbouring men ready to own digging dugouts for shelter.


The author courageously left their hideout to understand the nature of the mysterious phenomenon.





Note: alarm!


Every man makes in his life at least one opening. Sooner or later he learns about the existence of PMS. All further reminiscent of a horror movie from the 80's - too bad to be true. Out of nowhere, there is malignant syndrome and affects half of humanity, and the best. Yes so suddenly that even the hardened fighters from the face of the ugliness starts jumping blood pressure.




How to deal with it, if you're not Rambo and not even die Hard, as well, just ordinary good guy? Decidedly unclear. Yesterday was not just okay, and exceptionally well. Only a fool wouldn't understand, looking at the happy face - and your it. Here she instinctively moves his lips, reading mail, and you glory from incomprehensible joy. Your calloused soul in this moment suddenly break through completely no male sinking feeling. And you're stuck in the April day dream about your old age, not noticing that already mumble aloud. And when she starts to laugh, moved, as an exemplary pensioner. And also, just what are you giggling at causeless cackle lover blockhead. You fall asleep with a clear conscience pearl diver, which got the most beautiful in the world pearl. That is, not doubting that its soft light will warm and delight always already. However, waking up, vaguely suspect that something is wrong. Anxiety is in the air, as is often written in the novels. And you start frantically rush about in search of reliable prevention. "Hare, okay? ask unnaturally cheerful voice. "Are you feeling fine? "




Hare, shuffling shoes, as the dwarf walks into the bathroom. And he that heart ekaet. "Okay, " answers somehow with melancholy eyes. Only you know what? Don't call me rabbit. Stupid nickname some... "





Things are heating up


Say, there are men at first glance understand what transformations occur with their second halves. But I'm too optimistic, the arrogant type, in order to correctly read the signs that sends me a fortune. I sincerely don't get it, what happened to that some 10 hours ago was it that the Hare. Wherefore, continue to enjoy life and day, like an idiot. I don't even believe your ears when you hear the crying. Such a hopeless and desperate that heart took even seasoned cynic... it is. She is standing on the scale, as a monument of female grief, and with it an urgent need to do something. I'm trying to save, but I'm not a psychotherapist. I elephant trample and we are. I think I am myself a little panic. Finally, clumsily pulls her damned scales and suggest forgetting about it all together fun to have Breakfast...




Of course, I'm wrong, now I have champion errors. This has no place in a friendly team, and so I from now on target. It's all my fault, because I bring her in the evenings, chocolates, ice-cream for 30 rubles and nut rolls with cream. And now because of me she'll have to lose weight. And if I road my life, dieting we will be together, that I myself have experienced all, and so on.




I crushed arguments, and she triumphantly announces strike in the form of a hunger strike. I point to the door of the room, and I'm going. No, cowardly deserter. Leaving her alone with her misery, not substituting reliable shoulder. I still regret the fact that such a thick-skinned, and for Breakfast I had one.




The ninth wave




What was I thinking, whisking eggs for an omelette? That our lost Slovaks. And I was wrong. I had to think about it, would I just realized that need to cook for two. "You're selfish! "But you said that you will not... " - "so I said... " her eyes rolling tear. Then another. Then they already flowing non-stop. She is so bitter! Her shoulder flinch under the t-shirt and look so helpless that you can go crazy with pity. She was right: I did as a fascist, but I am ready to atone for his guilt - blood. I menacingly rotate the eyes, spit out quotes from movies, gushing wit. I'm ready to go wheel and dance the lezginka on invoices mustache, so she started smiling.




I finally get a pardon. But still don't know what it briefly. It's all nothing. The day is coming that I will give in full. My goddess quarrel with my mother on the phone, will raskolotie dishes in the sink, you will want to shave bald, will lock myself in the bathroom, and then come out and tell you what we need to have sex immediately...




Actually, I already suggested. "I just got distended belly," he told me it then. And I immediately changed my mind. And now, when it was required urgently to write and send an important material, I had again to want. .




I - treacherous Iago and malchish the bad guy who sold out burzhuina for jam. I suggest a little delay joyful event. For this it is necessary to put to the wall. And shoot me at point blank range, words, basically, is no respecter of persons. It hurts me, and I scream. After a moment we both scream, and after some time, the apartment is filled with cigarette smoke and painful silence. But I don't give up, I horehaus and spit on caused me wounds. And here she is approaching me with a guilty look and rubs his nose on the cheek: "Well, forgive me, it's all the hormones... "





And if frankly...


I have often heard girls who partners who suddenly break off the relationship. Leave nothing without first telling. And that's all. Next is a black hole and puzzled.




I do not justify their actions. To leave the girls in front of black holes in Full Suspense is not very beautiful. The well-educated people decided to notify its disappearance in advance, of course, if they don't throw in the enemy's rear for secret information. But I can imagine some kind of Martyr suddenly evaporates in broad daylight. Not so, in fact, difficult to leave in the flip-flops for kefir and never to return. Especially when you for months without any warning have PMS, including his most tactless ways.




To listen women, premenstrual syndrome is a unique gift, unique, and so we, men, incomprehensible in its existential depth. But we know that because of the accelerated hormones can make a lot of nonsense. I, at least, understand why the husband of my sister regularly and confidentially complain to me that she was again something started - whether repair, whether a permutation... "




However, there are things that hormones not to explain. The lack of good manners or bad taste, for example, they are independent. If changes in mood provoke scandal and ruin the relationship, you need to choose what for you is a priority? It is important to stay together, so, we need to learn to direct their flash peaceful. Believe me, seeing how gentle creature struggling, it is impossible to be cold-blooded. Man at this moment ready to fill up any of the mammoth to maintain their suffering due enraged hormones friend.




"Why do you think we overeat chocolate or we make lessons more interesting? - said to me as sister. - Because they are afraid to be vulnerable. So we distract ourselves from gloomy thoughts - who as you can". I think I know what the feeling was discussed. It would be naive to think that men don't know what it's like to suddenly feel his vulnerability and the need to have a reliable back. But women insist on the strict understanding and a special attitude in those days. And men who want women's cozy heat, how would and should not exist in nature. It's some kind of an anachronism, a relic of the past.




We, of course, being more vulgar and common. And the skin we have is stronger and thicker nerves. And, instead of running away from home, under various pretexts, we must obey the command, "Next! ". To serve the parcels and Sich glade during your PMS.




We do not mind. If you will certainly need us, because you love.







Author:

Borisov-Bitter About.


Source:

Леди@mail.ru
















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