Praise as a method of education, or Who will praise me best

Contrary to the belief that "kick gives wings", a much more powerful incentive for Homo sapiens at any age is still praise - unless, of course, it didn't spoil the "power" upbringing, and a kind word for him is not the argument (in comparison with the strap). However, accidents of upbringing we now to say we will not stop better on pleasant: in praise as the engine of progress.


It turns out that despite the seeming simplicity of this question, praise should be able to. And moreover, it is also necessary to understand what mistakes should be avoided.





Mistake # 1: praise too often


If literally every step child showered with compliments, if every sneeze is accompanied Umilenie comments in the spirit of "Oh, you're my sweetheart/lover/bird/fish! "praise, say, devalued and is decreasing its significance in the eyes of a child. In fact, if the trip to the store, and help with cooking dinner, and cleaning in my room - all awarded the same abundant savoisienne as, shall we say, useful doing something: not naughty, not covered with drawings Wallpaper in the hallway, wet panties, tortured cat, not away from the brother machine, then who will bother? When the praise to get too easy, its value decreases significantly.





Mistake # 2: praise too rare


This situation is the opposite of the previous one. There are parents, from which the kind words't wait, no matter what feats child nor did: learned tights to wear, he enrolled in a section of Aviamotornaya, won the Olympiad in mathematics - all taken for granted and is rewarded with a special "sign of approval".




This category moms and dads usually too demanding of the child or they are just emotionally cold. Perhaps they themselves were raised, and they grew up in the belief that children do not "taint", but on the contrary, it is necessary to keep in severity". However, judge for yourself, dear adults, how would you feel when the chief, who, whatever you do, don't would increase wages, did not charge premiums would not be the holidays and even a simple "thank you" hissed through clenched teeth? Properly, the desire to work - no.




Just feels and child in a similar situation - he simply has no incentive to behave well. While the parents are still saying, "But that his praise? Still nothing good does"...





Mistake # 3: praise, sounding like an insult


Probably each of us ever heard something like: "Now, may, if they wish, silly kind! " or "Finally you became like a normal person! ". And everyone who heard it, probably remembered from such words... right, cringe and not want to do something else. Here the true meaning of "parent message" is not that of the child praise and celebrate his achievement, but that still, in spite of this, consider a klutz.




So, dear parents, watch what and how you speak, and often think about the fact, would you like to hear something similar in his address.





Mistake # 4: praise-comparison


To compare the child with other children - this is the lesson unproductive, especially in such a delicate matter as praise. If the child praise, extolling over other children - the risk to grow arrogant zaznayku.




Usually it looks like this: "You have me so pretty - you don't hold a candle no one is good! "You learn so well - where there is up to you to all your classmates! ". The result will be the "navel of the earth", which will be firmly convinced that he is the "coolest", but with such a worldview to live Oh how difficult...




Especially bad if a phrase such as "wow, not what Yurka/Masha! " pronounced against brother/sister. This creates an unhealthy rivalry between children and provokes more conflict. But even worse, if the children in the family stable fixed roles: one is "good" and "loser". Usually, alas, this model remains for life, and good relations between members of this family in the future should not wait.





Error No. 5: undeserved praise


Children aged 4-5 years and older may distinguish well-deserved praise from undeserved. If older sister cleaned up in the bathroom, and praised the younger and even gave the candy, the baby is already able to cry and refuse sweets because she has not earned! However, if this is repeated often, alas, the child will get used to usurp others ' achievements, and it is dangerous because it can create the appropriate trait.




So, now held "mistakes" and we already know how to praise is not necessary. And how is that right? Correctly - as tells you the common sense, the context of the situation and your sincere love to the child.





Praise should be:


- adequate and proportionate to the situation;


honored;


- inoffensive.




But the main thing is that, if the voice sound warm and kindness, praise reaches its goal of stimulating the child to become even better... But this is what we wanted, isn't it?

Source:

School of life

women's web magazine