For one of the 13 couples dream to have detea turns into a terrible dream. The diagnosis of "infertility" is, if trying to get pregnant within one year of unsuccessful or if the pregnancy has repeatedly ended in miscarriages; this is usually one of the most difficult moments of crisis in family life. In one study it was observed 200 couples treated for infertility; 40 percent of women admitted that the inability to have a baby - the most difficult emotional experience of those with whom they have encountered in my life. The pain due to the inability to have children overwhelms the lives of many couples, and poisons affect all aspects of their life; affect the sense of self-confidence, sexuality, work and relationships. Pregnancy becomes an obsession, trying to get pregnant - "to work full-time," as said by one of the women. Friends, family members, career - all recedes into the background in comparison with daily measurement of basal temperature, the results of semen analysis, another medical procedure, another medication. According to one psychologist, in the lives of these couples do not have enough balance. One week they hope next week grieve. Susan Mansell, Ph.D., a psychologist specializing in counseling infertile couples, describes the monthly cycle as a psychologist and as a woman who herself survived all that is connected with struggle with infertility. "In the beginning of the month you are full of hope, " she says. You know that with the onset of a new cycle, you will begin all over again - and you'll have a. If required days of fever (a sign of ovulation) and if you have had sexual intercourse at an opportune time in the next two weeks you feel euphoric, but at the same time and hold breath. You listen to your feelings, there is mild tenderness in the Breasts, does not begin nausea. This climb lasts until the appearance of signs of menstruation. At this point, a common reaction is the unwillingness to believe, and you say to yourself: "some and during pregnancy are small bleeding, isn't it? "Then comes the recession. You are definitely not pregnant. Sadness and bad mood last from several minutes to several days and weeks. Then a new cycle begins and again there is hope. And all of this is repeated from month to month".
Self-esteem pregnant
Some women with infertility inherent feelings of failure and loss is Central to their self-esteem and so rooted in the consciousness that, even when they are unable to become pregnant, they hardly get rid of the old self-awareness. "It was hard to get used to the idea that you're not infertile, " says 40-year-old Lisa Halloran, which finally conceived my daughter Call in after six years of expensive and complicated treatment, ate all her savings and nearly destroyed her marriage. Mentally I was still with women who were trying to get pregnant and not pregnant with my friends. I always thought that I could lose the baby, and go back into the ranks of those who tried to work a miracle".
Another possibility: foster children.
For couples who desire to have a child outweighs the desire to have a biological son or daughter, the problem can become a foster child. "But remember, " warns Susan Mansell, Ph.D., psychologist, adopted cures infertility. It does not cure infertility.
And it's not always easy to implement. Adoption in some cases may be associated with severe experiences.
Infertility is associated with feelings of inferiority. An infertile couple can not understand that they are not all in order. They not only failed to reach important life milestone becoming parents, they are unable to perform simple biological function, which, without hesitation, perform two teenagers in the back seat of the car. "It's your fondest wish in the world, " admits Lisa, - the implementation of which is not difficult for others." You could for months, even years to nurture the idea, as you become a mother, to plan, to think, and suddenly you find that it might be forever eludes you. And for the first time in your adult life do you feel like a toy in the hands of fate."
Syndrome infertility
Essentially, all these feelings are part of the syndrome, characteristic of the majority of infertile couples, which often begins with surprise and denial. "When the couple discover that things are not as they supposed, first, what comes to mind: "no, can't be". It takes a long time before people can accept the idea of infertility, " says Dr. Mansell. Some years we go to different doctors and still think it's only a matter of time". Like other couples, Lisa and her husband Sean for many years used birth control. They thought that once they want to have children, it will be enough to refuse contraceptives. The news that they may not be children, seemed to them such a tale that in the first two years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive they felt no panic. "We lost a lot of time, because they did not understand the need for urgent action," recalls Lisa. Barbara Eck manning, who founded a support group for infertile couples and advises such couples, believes that the rejection is actually the adaptation mechanism and allows spouses get used to the situation during the time that this would require". Soon, however, the negation is replaced by anger, predictable response, indicating the loss of control. "In most cases, " notes Dr. Mansell are people who worked hard, carefully organized his life and achieved the desired hard work. And now they know that all their efforts are in vain". Like many other infertile women, Lisa began itself to blame: "Why am I all these years was a prophylactic. ". Then she turned her anger on her husband, who at first refused to be checked, and doctors, who, as she thought, did not sympathize with her trouble, were inattentive to her physical and emotional state. All began to annoy: "If I saw them on the street adolescents, pulling the kids, I wanted to take the kids and yell "If you don't want the child, I take it! I was angry at the world".
Infertility: causes and treatment
Experts believe that women are three main causes of infertility: problems with ovulation, changes in the fallopian tubes (obstruction) and endometriosis, a disease in which the pieces of the endometrium lining the uterus, are separated and grow in the lower part of the abdominal cavity. Male infertility is caused mainly by changes in the sperm or the lack of a number.
Men and women can be hereditary causes leading to infertility. Children of women treated during pregnancy banned now the artificial hormone diethylstilbestrol can have changes in reproductive organs, affecting fertility. In some cases (from 3 to 20 percent) cause of infertility remains unknown.
Most couples who want to cure infertility cure traditional methods of conservative and surgical, ranging from basic research, the results of which help the spouses to choose the best time for conception to surgical correction of defects; sterility can deliver the elimination of blocked fallopian tubes, removal of fibroids, endometriosis. If the problems associated with ovulation can be assigned to drugs that stimulate ovulation, for example klomifentsitrat (clomid) and/or potent hormonal tool pergonal. Hormonal therapy is used and endometriosis, and in some cases of male infertility. Other methods include: artificial insemination with sperm from the husband if his sperm is suitable for fertilization) or donor sperm (if the husband's sperm contains few or no live sperm). The test-tube fertilization, when eggs surgically retrieved from the woman's ovaries and transferred to a Petri dish, where they are fertilized with sperm. The fertilized egg is then placed in the woman's uterus.
Transplantation of gametes in the pipe, when the extracted surgically a woman's egg is mixed with the sperm and placed in the fallopian tubes, where fertilization occurs.
Transplantation of zygotes, when extracted a woman's egg is fertilized and the embryos are placed in the fallopian tubes, through which they are transferred into the uterus.
Alone
Suffering, embittered Lisa felt still and lonely. Many infertile couples keep their trouble in secret to avoid unsolicited advice and sympathy. "I didn't want that others felt that they shall take special care to go with me, " admits Lisa, which only a few years told about his grief to relatives and friends. - It would be even more painful".
The second reason why some couples hide their infertility is guilt. "Infertility is like a punishment for past sins, " says Dr. Mansell, - wine involves redemption, gives some sense, you can find something or someone who is guilty of the disease. Sin is a love relationship, premarital sex, the use of funds to prevent pregnancy, all of which can cause a feeling of SaaS-luzindole punishment". According to the observations of manning, this reaction does not depend on the person's educational level. "Some very fine people I consulted, treated their infertility as God's punishment, even if they were not believers," - she says.
However, in the end, Lisa realized that keeping the problem secret deprived her of the comfort and support provided by family and friends. Lisa turned for advice to a consulting specialist, when he discovered that formed around her isolation leads to alienation and a husband.
Discord in the family
The inability to have a child often separates spouses, says Dr. Mansell, few marriages survive this test, remaining the same as before. The survey childless couples 71 percent of respondents felt that infertility has affected their marriage. Although 56 percent of the couples said that infertility has had some positive impact on their lives, almost the same number of pairs talked about the negative effects. "Everyone said that the husband and wife closer or stronger or stronger removed from each other," says Dr. Mansell.
Whether to increase the separation between the spouses, dependent on how they would react to the inability to have a baby, how will be able to come to terms with infertility. Studies show that women worry more than men, perhaps because motherhood is an integral part of the women. Some experts believe, however, that the survey results are affected greater willingness of women to talk about their feelings. Often problems arise when one spouse - usually the wife - wants to talk about this subject, while another hard it. In the survey of infertile couples, the husbands said that they would like to help their wives, to alleviate their condition, but the conversations that reduce the stress of their wives, only exacerbate their own. The conflict may be due to the fact that one of the spouses wants to have a child far more than any other. For example, a man who has children from his first marriage, in all probability, much earlier than willing to abandon expensive treatment than his childless wife. Different can be two and the issue of adoption. "Couples living together which was quite good, can meet difficulties when there is a problem of infertility, especially if the woman will expect that her husband will share all of her experiences, " notes Dr. Mansell. He does not necessarily feel what it is first, and secondly - not necessarily at the same time". It so happens that the husband, conscious of their responsibilities to protect the wife, tired of her constant frustration that he cannot change its state, moving away from her even more. Sometimes it is removed from the treatment process, and then the wife feels abandoned. "We're trying to achieve fertilization in vitro, when Sean started to say that we can't continue due to financial reasons, and emotional, " recalls Lisa. I was in a panic. He was ready to abandon further attempts and I'm not". If infertile is a man, and it happens in 40 percent of cases, the woman may feel angry at him, and he may feel alienated. "In case of male infertility, the situation becomes even more intense, because it is harder treated," says Dr. Mansell. Spouses can fight over questionable tricks with insemination with donor sperm, which may be the only chance for women to give birth. "It really is a dilemma, says Dr. Mansell, and often it is the woman more worried about the man's feelings about his attitude to what he might be the father of the child donor. It can torment the feeling that she's selfish. She doubted the correctness of his choice".
Sex as work
Even if the marriage becomes stronger, while infertility usually leads to another delicate issue - it affects the sexual life of couples. If in one study, half of the couples said that the inability to have children was reflected positively on their marriage, neither one pair is not said, what was the benefit of their sexual life. One study showed that having sex for many couples are transformed into "forced labour" means to become pregnant. Sex is divided into two types: "sex for love" and "sex doctor", the latter sometimes prevails. "Training" may include measurement of basal temperature, injection of hormones and other, taking pleasure in the suffering. Sexual intercourse run, the couple must use the "correct" posture - such in order to have more chances to conceive - in "necessary".
In addition, sex ceases to be something intimate between two people who love each other. You get the feeling that the bed invited all the clinic for treatment of infertility. The survey involves a detailed study of the sexual life of the couple, from how often the couple are sexual intercourse, and to poses that they use. "You lose the sense of intimacy. All your experiments, all associated with sex, submitted for consideration," says Dr. Mansell. Sex can be and is not associated with conceiving. When in vitro fertilization, IVF with donor sperm and other complex manipulations man and woman do not even need to be in the same room, in order to conceive a child, is that often happens. "It is not easy to realize that you do not need sexual intercourse to get pregnant, " adds Dr. Mansell. - I had a patient who, upon entering my office, said: "I did not sleep with her husband for three months, and sitting here pregnant with twins".
Life goes on
In one study infertility called crisis, which is not allowed in the strict sense is not quite so. "There used to be some kind of natural limit when you have tried all the treatments and after that left their attempts. Now you can try to achieve success with in vitro fertilization as long as you do not run out of menopause, " says Dr. Mansell. It becomes more like your personal choice".
How do I know that it's time to stop? Sometimes the solution does not depend on you, you are simply running out of money. Often you have to make a decision. "Couples need to consider how their costs - mental and physical effort, and money is justified in comparison to the percentage of conceptions, advises Dr. Mansell. Whether or not to spend all his savings to build a house, to risk a marriage or a career, having a 10 percent chance of getting pregnant during each cycle? "
Some accept what gives them life, and begin to look differently at things. Not wanting to consider themselves childless, gene Carter, M.D., obstetrician and her husband Michael, Professor, decided to remain "free the children".
"We had to re-tune, to cease to feel frustrated parents and become a happy family without children, " recalls Dr. Carter, the cause of infertility which was never installed. And we really have changed. Getting up in the morning, we no longer saw each other as people who failed to do in life the most important thing. Five years we have lived with the thought that life is not managed and without children has no meaning, and we had to look around and look at it from a different angle of view. We said Yes, life is good, much can be done to brighten up the lives of others, to care for loved ones, you can have a wonderful family, you can be a good daughter or son to his parents'. This was our opening. But it took time". The Carter who wrote the book "Sweet grapes" in which they share their experiences, found that after the stages of the experience of grief and acceptance stage, which they called transformation, during which the sense of loss consciously transformed into advantage. "You need to think over what seemed the most important, when you thought of themselves as potential parents, and how to find the application of these qualities, how to satisfy the need to care for others, " explains Dr. Carter. After the acute grief dulled, you have to make a choice, to tell yourself that from now on you are responsible for what happens in your life in the future". The Carter drew all attention to his career, "filling the vacuum, not even knowing about it".
"I brought all my motherly feelings for my patients and their children that sometimes brought more heartache than joy, " says Dr. Carter. We desperately spoiled our nephews and nieces. The feeling of inability to have a baby sucks from you. After we got rid of the complex of the infertile couple, we again began to work a lot on a voluntary basis in local organizations and churches. I worked in a self-help group, facilitating the fate of childless couples. I have regained my composure. I feel as if help these couples to be born again".
Based on the book by Denise Foley "encyclopedia of women's health"
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