Childfree - those who voluntarily waives births, assure that ways be realized in the life of a great variety. And they are not connected with the birth of children.
In the first part of this article, we tried to understand the social and historical causes of childfree. Now let's try to understand what motivates people whose views border demoninations? And most importantly - what they make you think a successful loving parents?
Psychology
One of the biggest mistakes of childfree - shifting of responsibility for the children themselves. They think that children are constantly screaming and soiling diapers beings whose sole mission from birth to annoy adults. Childfree are afraid of children, they disdain to touch them, they do not like the smell itself of the child. This often is your own negative experience with young children, the fear to fail and unwillingness to take responsibility for another.
That's what told the famous American TV host Oprah Winfrey:
"I am not taken care of in childhood, and I do not know... One day I had to watch 4-year-old child the whole day. I was so tired, and it was so stressful for me, I felt true happiness when he arrived the mother of the baby. It was then that I decided finally that the children I will not".
And indeed, most of childfree victims of their parents. And those, in turn, it seems, and would be glad to rid of the child, but life courageously was overwhelmed by his responsibilities. Children raised in such an atmosphere, of course, will not want to get offspring too well they remember how annoyed them by their parents. Another option parents loved and cared for the child that he forgot to realize themselves and become uninteresting to children. And they, in turn, growing up, were becoming more and more the idea that parenting is serious and unwelcome burden.
To take responsibility for a child is a serious step, and childfree openly declare: we are not ready. They would be glad to stay children as long as possible - after all, to keep clear perception of reality can only be staying serene child. And with the birth of their children will have to move to the position of "adult" - each of us is ready to become an adult?
A curious trend
If at the heart of the movement childfree lies voluntary reluctance to have children, and therefore, a priori declared their absence, the latest time among themselves "volunteers" wound up freethinkers! People with children are often in a hurry to consider themselves part of childfree, citing his dislike of own children (even if already existing). I'm afraid if the number of such "partisan" will continue to increase, the voluntary childless have to change their rules and to include in the community and parents are losers. But on my large opinion, this is a completely different story.
Is it hopeless?
At the age of 19 and I thought I had children I will not, and insisted that "higher purpose". However, a clearly defined position (and even more so over the years accumulated a Mature principles) I have not had, and in 20 years I quietly and Nezhdanova gave birth to their first child. To maintain sanity, I had to adapt to circumstances. Now I have three children, or one birth I have no regrets, because it's pointless.
With each I have gained a new quality - it is my way to learn from a child, to look at the world with him, to wonder about trivial things, to reread the books for children and new ways to watch movies for children. To learn patience and acceptance; to learn to defend their position, and in any circumstances be yourself; to learn to negotiate and improve their diplomatic quality; in any situation to keep a sense of humor and a critical look at things.
Childfree me laugh, but I will say the hardest one child. If we got started - keep at least two. With the birth of subsequent children burdens are reduced, and the amount of joy and free time increases. Children begin to take each other, they grow, and you become friends. By the way, communicating with three to five year old child on philosophical themes may be more informative for the adult than the child.
And domestic difficulties in the group, where more than two people, are solved in two accounts skillful planning and allocation of responsibilities. Still time management is a great thing, especially in family relationships!
Terminology
The term "denie" invented by childfree in contrast to the word "childless". According to the remark of community members, there are sometimes "adequate denie" - those who have children, may be generated, but refers to them without fanaticism. With such getName" childfree even able to join in the debate. But often she quickly turned to unintelligent.
Most of the nerves of the voluntary childless" spoil relatives and friends, adhering with questions "When will you have kids? " Such childfree called "preachers of reproduction". Some parents (especially detested by the community childfree) just trembling with emotion over each child. Whatever he did, they say: "Ah, well, this is the same child! " Heart of childfree knows no mercy - no "foal", it's better cat!
The true reasons and alternatives
Movement theorists, childfree prepared a solid base of arguments, and if the person really is aware why he joined childfree, with its logic is hard not to agree. Some arguments just to the nines break social stereotypes. For example:
For the mentioned reason, "I want to have a baby, to have someone take care of me in old age" can stand unspoken fear of old age and exploitative tendencies. Alternatively, the school children for this reason, childfree offer to such person to safely earn a good pension and to treat people like human beings, so that in his old age could visit.
Those who want to have children to improve their social status, for "solidity", childfree accused of social uncertainty and consumer attitudes to children and encourage them to look for other opportunities for a successful life.
Those who want to "have my future children all the things that happened to me in childhood" childfree advise you to start to deal with their unmet childhood desires, and begin to give gifts already existing children.
The one who is going to have a baby, "to continue the race," according to childfree, not far away from the children's desire to be an obedient child of his parents and is still trying to appease his father. He childfree recommend to create something eternal and give your name.
The one who with the birth of the child wants to bind to a partner, generally cause a great condemnation of childfree. If the primary motive for the establishment of a child - wife/husband wants a baby", then it makes sense to talk about the crisis of the couple relationship. This motive is the fear of losing the partner before you become pregnant, discuss with your partner your true desires, we recommend voluntary childless.
By the way, about the same set of reasons and fears that motivate people to get offspring, leading psychoanalyst Alexander sviâša, the Creator of the method of conflict-free life. But in addition, in his book "Tips brac, rejected and striving to zabrakovatsya" he gives and the only standing argument in favour of the institution children:
"The healthy desire to have children cannot be explained logically. They are born for nothing and for no other purpose. The child is not a guarantee of fulfillment of your hopes. Just a grown man wants in this world came another little man. Came with it. Come and happy life. Moreover, was not happy as he thinks fit and proper adult, and perhaps as his own. The task of the adult is not to be solved by the child's own problems. The goal is to give rather than to receive".
It is for childfree to realize the most difficult in the case of children the challenge "to give and not to receive. After all this is guided by the most successful parents who can't explain the words of the desire to have a child - they were happy until the baby is born, they continue to feel happy and together.
Their mental health is not dependent on the presence of children or their absence, because happiness is a trait that is inherited.
Source:
School of life
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